I was with my friend when she went to the funeral parlor the day her dad died. The wish of the deceased was to be cremated and then have his remains sent back to Missouri, where he was born. 

Sounds simple. Not so.

There are a zillion hoops to jump through,… Read full post »

I've been laid off recently, which, although the lack of funds is disarming and alarming, has elevated my mood by leaps and bounds. So I was going through the boxes of crap that I collected over eight years on the job, and I came upon my notes on a dream I… Read full post »

When I was a young woman, lo, 35 years removed, give or take a decade, I saw a lot of concerts. The epitome of youthful rebellion, rock concerts were among the few activities in which I partook that put the fear of Jehovah into my parents. I loved being a rebel. … Read full post »

It occurs to me that all the classes I've taken over the past 20 years have prepared me for the end of time. 

For example, I just took a class on how to ride a motorcycle, just a few weeks ago. Ostensibly, it was  to impress an ersatz  boyfriend, but really,… Read full post »

• I unfriended someone while I was in a snit and he didn't refriend me as I thought he might. Rather, thought he should do. Rather, asked him to do. I moped for days. I have the face and body of a middle-aged, albeit still not un-hot, woman, but I
… Read full post »

I was born with really curly hair. My father had kinky curly hair; my mom's, straight and thin. When I was six, I sat under the hair dryer at my mother's hair salon for nearly four hours, just to have my picture taken with straight hair. To stop my fidgeting, my… Read full post »

There's a guy who runs backwards by my office every day, letting out a kind of war cry whoop that I can hear from my desk, which is on the 10th floor and nowhere near the window. Sometimes I get up to watch him, when I can tear myself away from… Read full post »

...I'm just very selective about the reality I accept.

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George Clooney says he would rather have a prostate exam than have a page on Facebook. I kind of admire the man, in that, besides being cuter than a bug's butt, he seems down to earth and kinda humble. It may be an act, this anti-Facebook stance, orchestrated by his publicity… Read full post »

I published a piece a while ago about the Greek goddess Hormone, a little-known, but incredibly irritating second-level diety.  I unpublished it in a fit of literary pique when, after 24 hours, no one  had rated or commented on it, except for one person who said it was "obtuse." Sigh. I… Read full post »

 "A glittering gift for all occasions! For just $108 USD you get a Star Kit from MYSTAR - Global Star Registry. The kit contains a signed certificate confirming the name and astronomical coordinates of your star. You also get a sky map showing where your star, which is marked, is located. T… Read full post »

There are naked pictures out there. Of me.

They're not pornographic. Well, most of them aren't. Let's call them artistic. Yes, let's do.

My stomach is in a roil about it, even though I know they'll not be seen by anyone except me...and the person who took them. They won't… Read full post »

Guess what. I can't participate in Dirty Haiku Thursdays. I really want to. I have some splendid word combinations in my head. Kinda yummy, even. But I dare not. Why? I'm a victim of my own hubris.

It's ironic, really. I've taken ballet, tap, acting, stand-up comedy and a half dozen more… Read full post »

Sometimes, when you're in a mischievous mood, it's hugely entertaining to screw around with people--only vaguely threatening, unpleasant or rude people, mind you--who are learning English. Like once, when I was living in Prague, a couple of beefy, borderline menacing Russians asked me what… Read full post »

I was at a party last night, sort of an international affair. I'd say, all told, about 12 nations were represented, not counting the U.S., Puerto Rico, Guam and New Jersey. The conversation turned to love, as conversations nearly always do. At least the ones I'm privy to. At least the… Read full post »

Dear Bill:

Now that I've friended you on OS, I'm telling everyone I know how we're so totally BFFs. I know you only post videos from your show on this venue, and some people think it might just be for publicity, but I know better. I know you better. (wink… Read full post »

I've only just realized, strangely enough, that no matter what I'm doing, there's some sort of song in my head. Even in the remote background, it's still there. I'm not alone in this, I'm sure. But I bet other people have a better play list.

I'm embarrassed to name the songs… Read full post »

9:05 a.m. Everyone slowly gathers in the conference room, most taking a seat at the periphery. The conference table is the danger zone--you must look interested and alert at all times. To fail at this is to bring shame and extra work upon yourself. Top bananas and those afflicted with rhino-beige… Read full post »

I might be seeing someone. It's a bit too early to tell. But even if it wasn't too early to tell, I wouldn't mention it because to say so out loud--or even in writing--would undoubtedly stamp this nascent affair with a big, fat jinx. Put the kabosh on it. Nip it in the… Read full post »

♦My dog walker had her finger bit off, literally bit off,  by a pit bull mix who swallowed the digit (extra gross), and who animal control released after less than a day. Now the dog walks around the neighborhood without a muzzle--next to a playground, mind you--while animal cont… Read full post »

The cat has diabetes. I've noticed excess water consumption for the past three weeks, and after a web search, which uncovered untold numbers of frightening possibilities, I called the vet.

Bart is an indoor cat. He's never been very sociable. He's only nice to me when no one is about. And… Read full post »

I don’t consider myself an especially outgoing person. For most of my adult life, I have suffered apoplectic fear of speaking in public. It’s not that I’m not sociable. Or entertaining.

I’m deft and quick-witted when discussing my latest public humiliation among friends and c… Read full post »

 Janet

My sister Janet died in December. She was eight years older than me and mentally ill, in the extreme. She was manipulative, neurotic and self-destructive. All her life, she threw tantrums in malls, in restaurants, at school, in elevators. Everything in our household ver… Read full post »