Outrages and Musings

Reflections on current events

Morton Winston

Morton Winston
Location
Ewing, New Jersey, USA
Birthday
January 16
Title
Professor of Philosophy
Company
The College of New Jersey
Bio
A long time human rights scholar, educator, and activist, I served as chairman of the board of directors of Amnesty International USA. I have received three Fulbright Scholarships, to South Africa (1992), to Thailand (1999) and in 2007 I was named the Danish Distinguished Chair of Human Rights and International Relations at the Danish Institute of Human Rights in Copenhagen, Denmark. My email is: MEWinston@gmail.com.

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Salon.com
DECEMBER 30, 2009 8:50AM

New Rules

Rate: 3 Flag


Because the alleged Christmas Day bomber concealed explosives in his underwear, henceforth passengers who are wearing underwear will not be permitted to board international flights bound for the USA.

Because the suspected Undie-bomber  tried to detonate his explosive device on Christmas Day, henceforth there will no longer be any international flights on Christmas.

Because the Undie-bomber went to private schools, henceforth all private school students and graduates will have their names put on the terrorism watch list.

Because the Undie-bomber was the son of a wealthy banker, henceforth all sons of bankers will be placed on the terrorism watch list.

Because this douche bag studied engineering, and also because  a paper by two sociologists shows that a  disproportionate number of terrorists have backgrounds in engineering, henceforth all individuals who have studied engineering will be placed on the terrorism watch list.

Because this fucktard was named Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab, henceforth there should be a separate line to scrutinize anybody with the name Abdul or Ahmed or Mohammed. -- (Thanks to Mike Gallagher for this brilliant idea.) 


Because convicted shoe-bomber Richard Reid also tried to set off explosives on a plane, henceforth there should be a separate line to scrutinize anybody with the name Richard.

Because the alleged terrorist miscreant received his training in Yemen, henceforth the United States should go to war with Yemen. (Thanks to Joe Lieberman for this one.)

Just because Abdulmutallab is reportedly cooperating fully with investigators does not mean that he gets out of being tortured. (Kudos to Pat Buchanan for recommending this policy.)

Because the Undie-bomber went to the bathroom in the last hour of the flight, henceforth no one will be allowed to go the bathroom during the last hour of the flight.

Because the Undie-bomber removed something from the overhead bin, henceforth no one will be permitted to remove items from the overhead bins during flights.

Because the Undie-bomber concealed the syringe containing chemicals that he allegedly used to try to detonate the explosives hidden in his underwear under a blanket on his lap. henceforth no one will be allowed to have anything on his or her lap during the last hour of international flights to the USA.




Author tags:

abdulmutallab, al qaeda, terrorism, undie-bomber, underwear, plot, comedy, politics

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I think if they pull people aside who pay for full fare ($2,900), one way tickets with cash and have NO LUGGAGE, I think that would do. A no-brainer, kind of like the 911 terrorists; if you have an aviation school with students who aren't interested in learning how to land the plane, it might be time to call the Feds.
Ablonde
December 30, 2009 09:22 AM
Yeah, Ablonde. There's all this jabber about how he was on some of the watch lists and his father had phoned the embassy about him, but how can we ban passengers on those grounds, or whatever, But the (hefty) fare in cash, no return, no luggage - don't fret about lists or anything, Just Say No.
Myriad
December 30, 2009 10:39 AM