I feel really pissy today - seriously pissy. You know, the kind of pissy you feel sometimes because you just freakin' wake up that way? The kind you feel that could compel you to just walk through WalMart slapping people in the back of the head; but, of course, you wouldn't do that because most people would hit you back.

It's also the same kind of pissy that could make me go looking for a fight here in OS-land. But that would be just TOO, TOO easy. 

 Like taking candy from a baby, which, of course, I would never do because I really like babies. But only if they really are certified babies and not just whiny-tit big mouths who couldn't keep their damn mouths shut if their lives depended on it. I'm not naming names - nope. And, just for the record, that whiny-tit comment is not limited to OS'ers. I'm sitting in Starbucks and, believe me, there are plenty of folks in here who seem to be way overdue for a good old-fashioned pop in the back of the head.

I'm pretty sure this severe irritation I'm suffering from is hormone-induced. Thank you, freakin' menopause. If there were any live bats hanging around here in Starbucks, I would gladly bite the heads off of as many of them as I could grab on to. Might freak out some of the prissy Starbucks patrons, but I'd feel better, that's for damn sure. But, it might get me on the news and that would not be a good thing, since I'm not wearing a stitch of makeup. That would piss me off even more. Because, seriously, how much makeup can a menopausal woman actually wear? Not very damn much, because it tends to melt off during those God-forsaken hot flashes. 

I mistakenly thought that if I got out of the house, my insane mood swings might just swing in the other direction and the sun would shine on my happy little face once again. I was wrong. I know this because I'm listening to a woman a few tables away prattle on and on about some ridiculous crap to her friend (who, BTW, hasn't been able to get a word in edgewise since they sat down) and her Texas twang is irritating the shit out of me. And I'm from Texas, for God's sake!

I should probably get out of here and go somewhere else in search of a better mood. Maybe Barnes and Noble. It always makes me feel better to lose myself in B&N. Actually, I'm feeling better just thinking about it. Oh, and then maybe I could wander over to Best Buy - that's another of my sure-fire mood elevators - wandering aimlessly in Best Buy, I mean. I don't even have to buy anything, usually. I could though, because I have a $50 rewards coupon in my purse. Hey, maybe that's the answer to my foul mood. Shopping. Duh! Why didn't I think of that before? 

Now, if I can just keep from slapping other customers in the back of the head while I'm shopping...