Wowza! That was a deep, damn pit I fell into. Wait. In actuality, I didn't fall into anything. Life, in all of its unpredictable, unprecedented glory, picked me up and drop-kicked me solidly into a chasm so deep as to make me believe I would never emerge again. It was hell.
BUT.... that was then, and this is now. I'm tired of hiding away, tired of gloom, despair and agony (deep, dark depression, excessive misery - can you hear the music?) Life can indeed be cruel and unforgiving, but I want to laugh again. I want to get my smart-ass back on, throw my head back and let out a big belly-laugh (note the crucial placement of the hyphen, as in: big belly-laugh, NOT big-belly laugh) and march myself out of this wretched place where I've been imprisoned for too damn long.
Frown lines have etched themselves upon my formerly cheery face. Not a good thing. I may have to hock something to pay for plastic surgery to turn that frown upside down. I've always pooh-poohed the idea of any kind of surgical enhancement, but to be honest, it's looking more and more like a perfectly reasonable option.
On last night's episode of HBO's The Big C , Cathy told her doctor, "I used to be an optimist!" I swear to you, those words reached right out of that television and grabbed me by the shoulders, shook me hard and then told me to Get a grip, for Pete's sake! I can't really say what the rest of the episode consisted of, because I was stuck on that former optimist thing. It just kept rolling around in my head all night long. Because, dammit, I USED TO BE AN OPTIMIST, TOO!
I was the one who always found the silver lining in every cloud, the one who could put a positive spin on just about anything, and the one who never gave up. I was UNBREAKABLE, dammit. I found myself wondering where all of that optimism went.
So, while my on-screen moniker may be a mere shadow of its former self, while it may be momentarily more a statement of faith than a statement of fact, I'm here to say ..... drum roll, please (yes, I know, very over-the-top dramatic... just bear with me, okay?) ...back to the drum roll......... I AM Unbreakable and I am back.
TIP:
Enter the amount, and click "Tip" to submit!
just phyllis for now
Robin Robinson
cheshyre grin
gremadcha
divorcedpauline
Darla Carmichael
Salon.com
Comments
xo
Abby - thank you, my friend... :)
R
junk1 - thank you. I think there are a lot of us who are clawing our way back. Grab my hand, girl. Let's go!
unbreakable doesn't mean "no contortions."
That episode got to me, too.
But it was the doing (in) of Marlene that was my undoing. Her letter to whatsie was Note Perfect.
{sigh}
It'll get better?
R Glad you are back!
I have to believe it will get better. All in good time.
Buffy - Must be going around, huh? Life's a bitch, but I'm tired of it pushing me around. I know you can relate. Much love to you. xoxo
Life happens, crap happens, we are merely human and I must admit I think the vulnerable and sensitive souls who have feelings, far preferable to robotic Pollyannas.
But pleased you're on the up and writing again. See how loved and missed you've been here?
Elisa - thank you - I was wondering for a while if I would find my way back. But, YAY, I made it!
Just Thinking - and I'm really glad to be back...
trilogy - that's when I'll know I'm completely out of the chasm - when I get my smart-ass back.
Mimetalker - I can see it!! :)
Lea - so true! Thanks!
Bernadine - that's what I appreciate so much about this place - we share our trials, our triumphs and our strengths. Even when I couldn't write anything, I kept coming here to read, to find the strength I didn't have at the time...
Lady Dove - my friend, you can't imagine how happy I am to see you here.
j lynn - I may not be completely back, but I'm headed in the right direction, at least. :)
brown eyed girl - I hear you - I feel like one of those elaborate bendy straws with dozens of twists and turns!
RAR - thank you, thank you!
rita - dear friend, oh yeah - Fun - that's what we need. Long overdue fun.
Matt - I guess what really matters is the climbing out part, huh? Hey, is that sunshine I see?
Cus - note to self: step away from the chasm...
Linda - ah, my dear friend. Life has a way of kicking the stuffing out of us sometimes, doesn't it? But we keep coming back, right? xoxo
sophie - so good to be seen! :)
TRB - that's okay - I was a shadow lurking around here for quite a while. Keep peeking in, you'll make it. I'm sure of it. xo
Rated.
You have not, contrary to what you may believe, been broken. Those who have a past life that has broken them are in asylums or have committed suicide. We are tested regularly in life to see how much more stamina we can summon up in order to keep living.
No one told us it would be this hard. But, as the popular saying goes, It Gets Better. Sometimes I wonder about the veracity of popular sayings, though!
Roger - thank you for your kind words. Updates coming right up! :)
Linnnn - that damn well has caught too many of us on too many occasions! Thank you for your support, my friend. We'll climb out of that well together!
Pilgrim - I woke up this morning with a familiar excitement to log on to OS and check in with all my lovely friends. What a great feeling that was. Thanks for being one of the friends I look forward to! And hey - a vacation - what a concept! :)
Dear, dear Alfred - I've said those very words - "No one ever told me it would be this hard." Thank you for your wise counsel. I know that you know whereof you speak. Thank you for being my kind and gentle friend. I appreciate you. So much.
Cindy - you're right, this place gets rather addictive, but what a God-send it has been to me on so many occasions. I look forward to getting to know you better, too. :)
I was worried...
Rod - so good to see you! Resilience - ahhh, the R word. ;-)
Until you've been there, you don't know that about yourself. Now you do. :)
(PS I'm enjoying reading your other posts. Very good.)