I’ve been reading, with great respect, the posts of many of my favorite people who responded to Ann’s Open Call about fatal flaws. What I expected to read was a bunch of funny, self-deprecating essays tackling the lighter side of our flawed natures. What I found instead, were tender, soul-searching self-evaluations that invariably made me want to gather the writer of each post in a bear hug and fervently whisper, No, don’t be so hard on yourself!  

That is my nature – to be nurturing, comforting, encouraging. It’s also in my nature to be harsh, judgmental, unforgiving, unrelenting and dismissive. There exists such a stark dichotomy between the two predominant halves of my nature that I wonder, at times, which half is the “real me.” Ah, but, that’s where it gets interesting, as both halves represent my true nature; the two halves make a whole. That fact, in and of itself, is especially ironic to me, as I tend toward rash generalization of other’s characters as either all good or all bad. Logically, I know better. No one is completely good, just as no one is completely bad. Each of us, like me, must surely have the proverbial angel on one shoulder, devil on the other.

What determines which characteristics we allow to flourish? We come to the age-old debate: is it nature or nurture? I believe it is both. Certainly, we are born with a pre-determined personality bent. We don’t emerge from the womb as a completely blank slate, entirely at the mercy of whoever is there to write the story of our lives. If I believed that, I would have to relinquish my belief in second chances, redemption and the relentless pursuit of betterment. Conversely, it’s impossible to ignore the traits that seem to be hard-wired into my personality – the ones I can trace back from generation to generation of my ancestry. Both good and bad, the ingredients are there, garnered from a familial stew of emotions, survival instincts, successes, failures and life experiences, all  of which combines to give me my own particular palette of flaws, attributes, character traits and proclivities.

It is then up to me to determine what I will make of that palette. I can choose to wallow in the baser parts of my personality stew; or I can make the decision to feed and nurture those better angels of my nature. I don’t always make the right decision. At times, I reach down into the depths of my soul and come up with a handful of anger or resentment. Even then, as I sit holding that wretchedness, I have a decision to make. I can let go of it, turn away from it in search of the better parts of myself; or I can choose to grab on to it, forcing myself to deal with the attendant consequences of making that choice. There is always a choice to be made.

So, to those of you who answered Ann’s Open Call, bared your souls and allowed us to examine with you the flaws you so bravely confronted, I leave you with this: we all wrestle with demons and angels. It’s what makes us human. We share the belief, too, that our own flaws are more heinous than those with which others are inflicted. That, again, is human nature. From one conflicted soul to another, I wish you peace as you contend with those things within yourself that, for better or worse, make you uniquely you. May each of us find that path to the better angels of our nature.