I've seriously neglected my blog for many months now. For a long while, I had a built-in excuse. OS was barely functional and it was rather mutinous around here. Not a happy place to be. So I didn't come around much, but I kept a toe in the water, flinging out a few words every now and then.
I wandered over to Lorianne's lovely new site and tried to find my voice again there, but didn't really have much to say, which is strange, because I always have something to say. I am a woman of strong opinion and often feel that everyone is entitled to MY opinion.
Over the past several weeks, OS has managed a revival and seems to be firing on all cylinders once again. I've happily motored around the place, reading the lovely words of old friends, commenting at length sometimes. I've felt the urge to write something, but what?
I'm just going to say it: I write much better when I am caught in the throes of depression. Lilting phrases, melancholy passages and blistering rants freely flow on to the page when I'm in the clutches of the Devil Dog. Not so much, it seems, when I am enjoying a respite from that black shadow.
It's a wonderful thing - this glorious time of contentment and freedom from the damnable depression that has dogged my tracks for more years than I care to count. I certainly don't long for black days and bleak nights. But I do miss the creativity that seems to accompany those times. Strange to think that creativity finds it outlet through depression. That just seems wrong somehow. Wrong, but all too true.
I've been pondering this for a while now. I really wanted to find something else to blame for the absence of my muse. It was convenient when OS was down for the count. Happily, those days seem to have passed. (However, I am crossing my fingers, knocking on wood and all that rot, hoping OS continues its uphill climb.)
I am determined to flush that mysterious muse of mine out of hiding. This drivel here - this is a declaration of sorts. Not much to write home about, but I did manage to get words down on virtual paper. Small victories. One step at a time.