WHAT'S UP EVERYONE?

This is my first post! I'm looking forward to connecting with you. There are many great writers here at Open Salon. I have read many a good read. Anyway, don't forget to water my cat by leaving a comment. Have a Happy (whatever floats your boat & makes you happy).

Here is my cat. Everyone that meets my cat always laughs. Why? Well, invariably, they laugh when I tell them her name. Her name is "Vajina" (that's right and it is pronounced Vagina). When I ask people that I introduce my cat to, "why are you laughing?" - they seem to always respond, "you can't have a cat name Vajina." My response: "who says I can't?" (smile)

Recently: a group of about ten friends and I, met up for some drinks at Clydes of Georgetown, a local club on M Street-NW here in Washington, DC.

After a long work week completing projects & meeting deadlines; this is a great place to have a meltdown, relieve some tension, and celebrate the week's end, with my amazing "crew" of friends.

The age range of my friends were from 35 - 58. There were married couples (heterosexual & gay), singles (hetero-gay-and confused), and one lone hold out who claims to be asexual (whatever the hell that is?).

As with any blend of people like this; after a few Tequilla & Vodka shots, the subject of sex always comes up.

Someone said, "I would give anything just to have some great sex - but who has the time these days." Everyone began to laugh and talk, at the same time; and immediately began calling for our waitress to return (to take an order for more drinks).

Well...this statement got me to thinking, as I looked around the table, sipping my drink. I observed that those that claimed to be having "great sex" or having any sex at all were; happier, had better complexions, were drinking less & eating more food, and had a more positive outlook on life. Those that were not having great sex or not having any sex (for that matter) were; grumpier, less happy, more agitated & argumentative, and drinking more & eating less.

Then, my friend Frank (who is married to Sheila) said, "all I know is I'm happy just to have a 15 minute-round of sex...once or twice a week. Sheila & I work long hours and we don't always have time for it after work (with the kids and all). By the time that I'm ready for it, Sheila is too tired."

Sheila seemed very agitated by Frank's public admission of their sex life & his need to blame the frequency of sex on her. She proceeded to respond, "Well (damn it) it's hard to get excited about sex with someone who just wants it during halftime and only if his team is winning the game! Who wants that shit?"

An awkward hush fell onto the table, as if the Rev. Billy Graham had just come over, for a word of prayer (which would be amazing since he is deceased). Frank & Sheila just gave each other an angry gaze. Obviously, they are having some issues regarding sex (good sex-that is).

Then Bob (who is gay and his partner is Al) said; "the sex is great in our home and I have no complaints. Al & I make the time to have great sex, no matter how busy our days are. If more people were having sex (good sex), there would be less crime, less conflict, and far less wars."

The table erupted in a free for all, with everyone beckoning for a chance to make a follow up comment. I began pecking on my PDA & making notes of this conversation in my E-diary. This was too good, not to remember. While looking around the table, I noticed that both Frank & Sheila were upset and angered by a gay couple (two men at that) claiming to be having better sex, then they were.

Sheila then said to Bob, "you know Bob...you are always bragging about your great sex life but how hard is it to stick your d-ck in a man's ass?"

Bob instantly responded, "it's very hard---that's what makes it great!" Everyone (but myself) began laughing. I didn't laughed (though I did smile) because I was too preoccupied with the look on Sheila's face. She looked as though her evil twin had just taken up residence, in her body.

Then Al (Bob's partner) said to Sheila, "Sheila...you look like you're turning green and it's not even St. Patrick's day." No he didn't just say that! I beckoned for the waitress to return to the table for my drink order. I needed a stiff one after that comment.

Needless to say, Sheila & Frank proceeded to grab their bar tab and storm out, without saying bye to anyone else but me. Everyone was looking at each other (for a moment in silence), then began to quietly speak ---almost eulogizing the loss of the couple's presence.

Again, I sat quietly observing all of this. Then, one of my lesbian friends (Barb) turned to me and asked, "Lenci (that's my nickname)...you are being very quiet & just typing into that damn phone of yours---what do you think about all of this?"

Everyone began to turn toward me, as I responded; "I was just wondering... could having great sex really lead to world peace. I mean...with everyone getting off & making love...who would have time to make war. For me, after I have great sex; there seems to be a spring in my step...with me walking on my tip-toes, I tingle all over, I'm more patient & relaxed, and I seem to have a smile for everyone. We could be on to something here."

Then Barb said, "maybe everyone at the United Nations should just stop with all of the agendas---and just have one-big-fuck-fest. How hard would that be?"

I responded, "it's not hard at all...for everyone except Bob & Al. For the two of them...it's always hard."

Everyone began to laugh hysterically!