Valencia's Playground

(Licking Life While Walking My Cat)

Valencia

Valencia
Location
Chevy Chase, Maryland, US
Birthday
January 01
Title
A Lover Not A Fighter
Company
Doctors Without Borders
Bio
My Bio? Really? Here's what I will tell you: I am a woman of many contrast. A paradox in perfect agreement. I am a country girl who is comfortable as a city dweller. I have a sense of adventure, however I thrive in the safety of family, good friends, and the simple side of life. I like coloring in the lines, but I am a devout/hardcore lesbian. I am complex but not complicated. I enjoy many things but I find joy in just a few meaningful ways. I can easily commit to that which is worthy of my commitment. I love going barefoot. I love feeling another soul next to mine. I love the outdoors & indoors, warm days & cool nights, rainy days & snow showers, hot afternoons & even hotter nights. All art forms are within my heart & field of expertise. Why did I join Open Salon? Because some friends told me that it is a great place to stretch my literary limbs, connect with some good people, and expand my mind by reading some good writing. What do I bring with me? The best and the worst of me...my mind, my heart, my search engine, my cat, and all that's in between. Sweet Dreams!

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Salon.com
APRIL 14, 2010 2:27PM

During Sex: What Is Essential To You? My Top Ten Essentials!

Rate: 14 Flag

aFu_CatLick 
                What's Up Everyone?

In my continuing series on Human Sexuality; I have noticed in many of my discussions with others, that we all require different essentials or "must haves" during sex.  However, there are some similarities in what many of us require.  So I decided to pose the question:

What are the "essentials" that you must have, either before or during sex?  Here is my Top Ten List!

 

1.   Mutual Gratification

  hand_applause

2.   Communication

man_chat 

3.   Honesty

security_code 

4.   Privacy

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5.   Fun

cool_thumb_up 

6.   Personal Hygiene

aFu_ArsenioYell 

7.   Must be a Mature Adult

we_come_in_peace 

8.   Must be Single & Un-Attached

gdpit_com_96762788_82 

9.   Must Allow Freedom/No Dominance

fight 

10.  Mutual Attraction

avatar_19296 

What are YOUR essentials during sex?

What are YOUR "must haves" before or during your sexual encounters?

     INQUIRING MINDS WANT TO KNOW!   

ICONATOR_1596707c576b3674cfbc66159a6cffb8 

 (PLEASE RATE & LEAVE YOUR COMMENT)

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I agree with your essentials, I might add a big ass.
Excellent post, beautiful. Rated.
Thoth
April 14, 2010 02:35 PM
On top of all these (which are excellent), I'd like someone who's breathing.
O'Really?
April 14, 2010 02:37 PM
These days I find in necessary to have a partner.
BuffyW
April 14, 2010 02:57 PM
Must smell and feel right. Must say things I find fascinating. Must enjoy being with me.
geezerchick
April 14, 2010 03:09 PM
To be committed to the moment in every possible way -- physically, mentally and emotionally. There's no bigger turn off than looking into your partner's eyes and knowing they are off in another world. I'm talking about disassociation not fantasizing.
Donna Carbone
April 14, 2010 03:10 PM
That works for me. Excellent list.
Dorinda D.
April 14, 2010 03:14 PM
Romantic lighting. This is increasingly important was you age.
Lea Lane
April 14, 2010 03:19 PM
I tend to focus on the inverse.

Yea, nothing is better than the grand slam, getting it all.

But the least?

I have found remarkably satisfying sex with huge compromises in all these (and other) areas, as long as there conditions that remain are sufficiently compelling.

However, I suppose I draw the line at species. Humans only.
Nick Carraway
April 14, 2010 03:28 PM
@Lea - you are absolutely right! Bright lights come with youth. the older one gets, (at least for you & I), the dimmer the lights. Candlelight, sitting by a roaring fire, or the must-have dimmer switch seems to be essentials, as we become more seasoned. I love you comment!
Valencia
April 14, 2010 04:29 PM
@Thoth - I hear ya, BIG GUY! There are some that like the "ass de la big" however I always worry that I will misplace my keys in a big ass. Some much to do - in so little time. I am not one for the heavy lifting; makes me feel like I need to out-source it to a hauling company or hire movers.Great comment...tells a lot about your preferences!
Valencia
April 14, 2010 04:34 PM
It has to be with my wife. It has to be when she looks at me with that devilish glint in her eyes. It has to be... all that we can give each other.
Rated!
Cymraeg
April 14, 2010 04:36 PM
@Dorinda - I am so glad that you are in agreement with my list. Let's talk! I happen to feel that it's not rocket science (or maybe it is which is why I'm still happily single). There are those however, that don't seem to have all of the prerequisites and are happily involved. There is a lid for every pot, I guess and for some...the lid doesn't have to fit - just cover! Thanks for weighing in.
Valencia
April 14, 2010 04:38 PM
Foreskin.

Please clarify; by "communication," do you mean talking?

That's one of my more recent "musts," but it is best left to those who can do it well. (Sadly, this is one of those sex things one can only find out by risking it with those who do it badly. Sigh. There goes another two hours of your life you'll never get back.)

I was going to say "Nutella," but that's more of a "Nice to have," not a must.
havlin
April 14, 2010 04:47 PM
@O'Really/C (?) - I am still confused by the paradox of your being and I love the mystery. I have read both blogs and I find the allure of each to be captivating and quite charming. Love It! Yes...breath sort of gets things going and is a wonderful starting point. I prefer the heavy breathing layered with the occasional gasp for air. No COPD, please! I do remember a partner that was DOA (dead on arrival) and another that was DUC (dead upon cumming). Both are now chillin at the morgue where I send all of the walking-talking-breathing-dead. Those were the only two instances, in which my bed was confused as an ancient burial ground. Thank you Baby, for stopping by.
Valencia
April 14, 2010 04:49 PM
@Nick - A human is an essential, unless one has been bonding too much with farm animals. Or sleeping with pets requires dual remotes. Kinky! "Being focused on the inverse" is something I'm not sure I am acquainted with. Please explain? Sounds interesting! I am so there with you on the grand slam, however. I call it "the big bang theory of sexual evolution." When one big bang creates many growth opportunities. I simply love you comment. Gets to the meat of the matter.
Valencia
April 14, 2010 05:03 PM
@Buffy - Yes, Darling..having a partner is an essential. With the high cost of batteries and the lonliness of asexuality...partners are becoming more and more en vogue.Besides, there are some itches that one just can't seem to scratch...on their own. Thank you for your comment, Buffy.
Valencia
April 14, 2010 05:07 PM
Yeah a good list. I'd like to have someone in the room with me too.
OEsheepdog
April 14, 2010 05:10 PM
@geezerchick - love the name "geezerchick" and your comment. The smell is an essential in my book, as well as, feeling right. Some folks just aren't taking good care of themselves and their skin. In addition, is it me or has the body odors of people - changed dramatically over the past 10 years. Must be all of those food additives & pesticides. Or maybe it's all the working out, that is causing elevator rides to be so toxic. Thanks for the input.
Valencia
April 14, 2010 05:13 PM
I started to comment and then read everyone else's and can't stop laughing. I concur with Thoth, O'Really and definitely Buffy.
denverdarling
April 14, 2010 05:17 PM
LOL

* No time limits* I NEED an hour, lol
*Mouth and hand skill* Penis is wonderful, but comes second to riding face.
*Chocolate* Enough said.
LadyMiko
April 14, 2010 05:18 PM
@Donna - Yes, Donna...physical-mental-emotional committment is very essential to some, but not to others. For you & myself it is an essential for the investment in all three areas to be present. For me, however the mental aspect = sane; the emotional = knowing when to take it down a notch & chill out, not requiring me to act as one's personal shrink with sex benefits; and the physical aspect is where I focus much of my attention = total intimacy mnd/body/spirit/soul. My intimate encounter seems to be the "tell all" of what is happening or not happening outside of it. The proof and the pudding seems to all be there during sex. I can tell everything that I need to know, from love-making. For others, they use the reverse order; they want to know all...and then make love. Thank you for weighing in and visiting my blog.
Valencia
April 14, 2010 05:22 PM
@cymraeg - Ahhhhh! That is so sweet! I love that! That's what it's all about to me...being turned on by your spouse or partner, and viewing them as the "must have" essential. I like how you described that special look of love in her eyes, that signals you to start your engine. That is the best! Thank you for sharing that with us and coming by my house to play. Next time...bring the Mrs.
Valencia
April 14, 2010 05:26 PM
@havlin - Foreskin?! Nutella?! You are so funny! That made me laugh... and I find that I get you, which makes me laugh more. The foreskin...well what ever tickles your funny bone & your G-spot. Nutella is an acquired taste. I love the way you think, though. Makes me re-think my essentials, a bit to include some extra skin and more spread on my wheat thins. Thanks for stopping by and weighing in. Foreskin?! That is hilarious!
Valencia
April 14, 2010 05:32 PM
It's interesting that no one has mentioned security. I've talked to some people that makes it seem as though they require a security clearance, as an essential. Then there is the aspect of feeling secure with your partner. that does seem to be the subject of discussion here. Or maybe you all are in agreement that it ranks high on the list. In these times of identity theft, fraud, and just plain old scam artist...isn't anyone concern about these types making it to our beds, and fucking us and fucking over us, in the process?
Valencia
April 14, 2010 05:38 PM
Someone said Nutella? Damn yummy and makes sex VERY fun, it turns hubby rabid. LOL
LadyMiko
April 14, 2010 05:44 PM
@lady miko - Wow Baby - You said a mouthful and you ain't just whistling dixie. The blacker the berry...the sweeter the juice, if it ain't go no chocolate - it ain't got no use. Okay..Sister! As for el penis...well they have a lovely assortment at most sex shops (a.k.a. pleasure palaces). They come/cum in all sizes-are always inflated- and you don't have to seek medical attention if the erection lasts for more than 4 hours (I have a friend that says that all the time-so I borrowed the phrase). An hour is the standard time it takes to wash & dry clothes, so that doesn't sound too eventful to me. But I'm not hate'in...just sayin. It takes me an hour to grocery shop. So to sum up your essentials: Riding face-lots of chocolate, 1 hour-with dick on the side! Got it! Sounds like my last visit at Godiva Chocolates! The guy-cashier packed my box of chocolate very nicely & I sampled a few pieces, while I was there. Thanks Girlfriend For Weighing In!
Valencia
April 14, 2010 05:55 PM
A spatula, some butter, garlic, eggs and....wait, that's a breakfast recipe. Nevermind.
Ted Zeppelin
April 14, 2010 06:01 PM
I failed to mention that the "breathing person" should be someone other than me. ;)
O'Really?
April 14, 2010 06:06 PM
@o'sheepdog - having a partner is the same thing that BUFFY W said. Maybe the two of you should talk. You both said the same thing; that having a partner is an essential. Thank you for visiting my blog and giving you input. Are you really an old sheep dog?
Valencia
April 14, 2010 06:08 PM
I'm with Thoth & Dorinda, I agree with the whole list and the ranking. I like the use of animated avatars and your new layout with the licking kitty. Cool! I would probably make mutual attraction, higher in ranking, and sexual energy (being able to keep up). Otherwise, it's all been covered here. I got here late. Damn!


Great Post & Rated
Robert Tate
April 14, 2010 06:18 PM
Hey, that's two for nutella. I have to run to the store and get some. What aisle is it found on? Isn't that the spread? Help??? I want to get some nutella and don't know where to find it and what it is exactly, but I am getting some tinight!
Robert Tate
April 14, 2010 06:23 PM
@denverdarling; it is funny, isn't it?! I haven't stopped laughing since I started reading these responses. What a witty crew here at Open Salon. You all are the best. Do they have this much fun on facebook, my space, or twitter. Thanks denverdarling for weighing in.
Valencia
April 14, 2010 06:34 PM
@lifestinks - I have got to get some NUTELLA , too, man. After lady miko's glowing remarks, I'm getting some tonight as well. I think it's on the aisle with the peanut butter & jelly. The things that you learn here. Glad you like the changes to my blog and this post. Thanks for stopping by. Take good care of the mother-to-be and yourself!
Valencia
April 14, 2010 06:38 PM
I just like sex. That is essential enough. Good list/Great Post/Thanks
The Shadow Knows
April 14, 2010 06:42 PM
What fun. All of it.
scupper
April 14, 2010 06:45 PM
@Havlin, I like my foreskin, and it's a good place to hide things like your other essential, Nutella (haven't tried that actually) or chocolate sauce (have).
GeeBee
April 14, 2010 06:58 PM
Both participants must break a sweat!
Just Anthony
April 14, 2010 07:16 PM
@just anthony - Amen to the breaking a sweat. That was something that was touched on that the sexual energy has to be mutual. Seems a shame if one is doing all the work and sweating and the other isn't. Thanks for your comment. I am so with you on the mutual sweating.
Valencia
April 14, 2010 07:26 PM
@geebee "foreskin" that is so funny! You all are a riot. Hide things in?! Hilarious! I have done the chocolate syrup: fun, messy, could send you in sugar-shock. There has been much talk about the nutella. Got to try it but seems to me I had it on a bagel and I didn't like it. Maybe it taste better on a human bagel.
Valencia
April 14, 2010 07:31 PM
@O'Really - "I failed to mention that the breathing person should be someone other than me" - Please let me know the next time that you are scheduled to be in Washington DC, so that I can catch your stand-up act. I will have a front row seat & I'll take you to fab dinner afterwards. Love IT!
Valencia
April 14, 2010 07:42 PM
Re: Foreskin:

Once you've had slack, you never go back.
havlin
April 14, 2010 07:47 PM
An incessant phone ringing.
Leepin Larry
April 14, 2010 09:19 PM