Watching Avengers is like getting invited to a party by someone you don’t really know and you’re not totally sure you wanna go, but you feel like you should go, so you do and you see people you recognize and it becomes super fun. Unless you pay super close attention to the movie poster or the preview, you have no idea who will be popping up in Avengers because they're people from other movies. Seriously!

Samuel El Jackson is a non-Jack Sparrow pirate whom everyone else calls Director, but they never show him directing anything (traffic? Nope. movers? Not one.) , so his name seemed weird. Mr. El Jackson probably thought that it would sound important because it is a big word, but he should have used another word like conductor or captain or assistant manager.

Anyway, the Director’s company has a magic square that opens a hole in the air that people can walk through, so they can travel somewhere without driving. This is really good for the environment because it would use magic instead of fossilized gas. Out of nowhere, the Devil from Thor (random, right?) shows up and starts beating people up with a spear. He and some of the army guys become friends and leave. Then, there’s an earthquake (WTF?) and everyone has to escape because the whole place collapses into a giant hole (huh?!)

If you’re confused, don’t worry. This movie makes no sense.

When the earthquake scene started, I looked around to see if a Japan person was maybe in America on business and happened to come see this movie. I worried that he might be really scared and think it’s real because one of the Japan countries had a really big earthquake on the news last year.

So Director gets superheroes from other movies to help him in his movie. This was actually a really good idea of Mr. El Jackson’s because I don’t know how many people would’ve seen the movie if it was just a pirate movie without Johnny Depp. Thor (who is Jesus) and Iron Man 1 and Captain American and Hulk in the not-yet-Hulk-but-just-a-regular-guy form decide to help. Scarlett Johanson is a friend of Director’s too, so she colors her hair and decides to help by using her karate.

I liked that, instead of calling the movie Iron Man and Thor and Friends From Other Movies Including Captain American and Hulk, they just made up a new name for their group, Avengers, because people would go see the movie and not know who was gonna be in it’s like having Mr. Downey Jr. and Thor pop up and yell, “Surprise!”

The first thing that I thought was super awesome of the actors was to not even bother asking stupid Ryan Reynolds’ Green Lantern to be in the movie. Obviously, they are really good friends with Scarlett and were, like, “Hey, we need superheroes from other movies. Oh, sorry, Ryan, we meant cool superheroes from movies that weren’t boring because of your lame, stupid face.” That was super sweet. I bet Scarlett cried in a good way because she was reminded that not all guys are loser jerks.

The Devil sends his army guys to blow up the airplane town that Avengers live on, but they don’t succeed because it was too early in the movie and it still had more than an hour left. Take that, bad army guys! Then, one of the bad army men, the Robin Hood guy, decides to be on Scarlett Johanson’s team because she’s pretty and their clothes kinda match.

The movie’s climacts comes when the Thor bad guy opens another air hole and lets in his other army that is made of monsters. What kind of monsters, you ask? I’ll give you a hint: they are ugly and mean and are from another movie. Give it up? The army is the Orcs from Lord of the Rings who live in space, now. Fun!

Eventually, all Avengers get to do some fighting bad guys and all of them kick some serious Orc butt (which I can’t imagine are at all cute). It is during the battle that we discover why the Robin Hood guy is a superhero: his bow and arrow are actually magic. *SPOILER* All he has to do is concentrate and the arrows become any kind of arrow he wants. Arrow with a bomb on it? Done! Arrow with a hook and a string for swinging around? Totally! Arrow with a flash drive on the end of it to steal someone’s computer password? Sure, I guess. I couldn’t help thinking in my head, “Robin Hood guy, um, why not imagine your arrows as a machine gun and get more done? Or maybe just make one that shoots fireworks, so that people will have fun after the battle is over?” The character was obviously inspired by Catniss in Hunger Games but just magic and a boy so that guys can cheer for him and not feel weird rooting for a girl.

In the end, the Orcs faint when their spaceship is destroyed when Iron Man 1 throws a jet engine into it and the battle is over. The Devil decides he’s been kind of a jerk (ya think, Devil?) and goes back with Thor to Heaven. I liked the message here because it said that it’s okay to do bad things and you can still get into Heaven if you feel bad about it, after later.

My biggest complaint, and maybe it’s petty, was that Edward Norton looked really bad. I don’t know if he gained weight, but he even colored his hair. My dad had a friend who was in a bad car accident and had to have plastic surgery and he totally looked different, afterwards. I’m guessing this is what happened and I’m sure he feels weird about whether or not anyone would notice, so I probably shouldn’t even both bringing it up. I like your Hulk movies, Mr. Norton, and will see them no matter how you look and I’m glad you are okay after your accident. Love, Valerie.

I think this was a really fun movie and has something for everyone: action, blowing stuff up, magic, monsters, pirates and even values about Heaven.

I give Avengers 4 out of 5 winks. ;)

PS – If you can, try to stay to the very end because there’s an extra scene at the end. The only problem is that you have to sit through a bunch of credits and it is a lot of reading, so be prepared to bring your glasses.