Verbal Remedy AKA Denise

Verbal Remedy AKA Denise
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Columnist, http://www.doesthismakesense.com
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Born. Grew up. Kept growing up. Started growing older. Still at both the growing up and growing older. Stay tuned.

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JANUARY 22, 2009 6:59PM

How To Write For The Web (including OS)

Rate: 63 Flag

A few weeks ago, one of the Open Calls on OS asked us to talk about our Worst Job. I really would have liked to join in the fun, but I couldn't.

I can, however, share some of what I learned at one of my best jobs.*

The Siskel and Ebert of Usability

Jakob Nielsen and Donald Norman 

Jakob Nielsen and Donald Norman


In the late 90s, I seized the opportunity to work at a dot-com startup--one of those legendary places where every day was Sushi Lunch Day. Where a closet full of caffeinated beverages overflowed with Ho-Hos and Ding-Dongs and granola bars. Where, at the end of the workday, at 8 pm or so, there was a general cry from the general area of the graphics guys: Let the Video Games Begin!

We were creating an online university, and a damned fine one. The idea was to develop an online MBA program for busy working professionals. We were building it from the ground up. We had a year's venture capital to come up with:

  • a clean and functional user interface,
  • intuitive, usable navigation tools,
  • the backend database infrastructure necessary to track learners' progress,
  • and (of course) content.

That's where I came in.

Hired as a course editor, I had the job of translating the work of Subject Matter Experts, or SMEs (pronounced "smeez") into problem-based learning. Most SMEs were professors with day-jobs at prestigious institutions:

  • The University of Chicago
  • The London School of Economics
  • Columbia
  • Standford
  • Carnegie-Mellon

Alas, we had no potential customers. Truly, the marketing plan began and ended with "If we build it, they will come." (They didn't. But that's another story.) I'm still proud of the work I did there, even if nobody ever saw it.


One of my courses was Internet Usability, and the SMEs for the course were Donald Norman and Jakob Nielsen (those two guys up top).

Don also happened to be the President of Learning Systems at our company, and Jakob was already consulting with us. I suspect the course was more or less a dogbone project to keep the two of them happy.

By the time I worked on the Usability course, was functioning as a combination editor and "Learning Architect" (a job title I got shortly thereafter, in a promotion).  

  • Work with a Course Developer to come up with a grand, overarching problem/project.
  • Transform reams of traditional didactic text (produced by SMEs) into small chunks--learning resources.
  • Arrange the learning resources into a sensible content architecture to help the learner create a self-directed learning path and solve the problem. 
  • Make the learning resources grammatically and syntactically sound.
  • Make them make sense. (You'd be surprised how many business professors can't write a comprehensible sentence, let alone meaningful paragraphs.) 
  • Make them short.
  • Make them readable online.

So far in this post, I've been demonstrating everything I learned about writing effectively for the web as I worked with Don and Jakob. Some of it is intuitive and some is not. But first let me demonstrate what not to do.

Readers get fatigued when they have to absorb long uninterrupted blocks of text on a computer screen because it's very tiring for the eyes. White space on a web page is to your eyes what clean air is to your lungs. If you are a writer who tends not to use a lot of paragraph breaks or who follows traditional print paragraphing conventions, you should really be kinder to your readers and insert more paragraph breaks in your work. People will stick around longer. Really, they will. Eyetracking studies show that net users scan more than they read. More than a few lines packed together without punctuation? Kiss of death. Too much work. Even if the sentences themselves are short, it takes a lot of time and energy to keep track of where in the hell you are in the middle of a big block of text onscreen. Net effect: Readers click away and forage for more digestible information elsewhere. 

OK, be honest: Wasn't that paragraph kind of tedious and tiresome and irritating to read?

eyetracking

Image source: www.useit.com

An Eyetracking map of a web page. "Warm" colors are where the most eyes fell.


Four Guidelines To Increase Your Readability (And Potentially Your Readership)

First Disclaimer: I intentionally break some of these "rules" a few times each-n-every time I post. Generally the one about writing "short." Partially, I figure I can get away with a certain amount of wordiness, because OS is a site where people come to write, but also to enjoy reading for its own sake. They aren't on a mission like they are on other parts of the Web. So I tend to go on longer here than I would if I were, say, composing objective, instructive prose.

Second Disclaimer: I try to mitigate my tendency to go on at length by using the other guidelines more. But I also try not to use them so much that they become distracting. There is such a thing as a post with too much bold, too many italics and rules and bullets. I fear I sometimes stray into that territory.  

Third Disclaimer: if you have a quirky idiosyncratic habit of never capitalizing, things or using, nonstandard punctuation; Or vaRYing tHE CAse of YouR LETters or-if u think ur kewl enuf 2 rite in nonstandard english or if ur stickin it to the man in sum other way and u rlly dont care who liks it or not u shud prolly just stop here altho id be surprized if u got this far in the 1st place (sorry squirrel, love ya buddy, but you're objectively hard on the eyes... and i'm not just talkin' about your nuts).

  • If you know you aren't the strongest speller or grammarian, use your grammar- and spellchecker. Really. Please, do. Also, watch out for commonly confused words: Your/you're, its/it's, to/too...
  • Think short. If you want to blog a 1000-word composition, break it into a four- or five-part installment piece. Also, find a decent place to break long paragraphs into shorter groups of sentences.
  • Make text scannable. Highlight important words in boldface. Use bulleted or numbered lists to chunk information when it makes sense to do so.
  • Use formatting and white space to give readers some help. Also, Photos. (You'll notice a few horizontal rules throughout this piece to help visually break it into thought-sections. Rob St. Amant did the same in his wonderful post on information foraging. I already linked it. You should have already read it. You always go where I link you to, don't you?)  

(Note to Kerry and Joan: Please have Jakob come and evaluate the usability of OS. Especially in re: finding content users are interested in finding. It'll be eye-opening, I can assure you.)


* My current job is my best job ever. Apologies to all previous employers.

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thanks for the helpful post. What do you think of numbered lists?
They make sense if you're giving a set of directions, itemizing something in sequence, or playing the "25 things about me" meme! :-)

But if a list could really appear in any order without substantively changing the meaning? I'd go for bullets every time.
This is really good information, VR. I read Nielsen's and Steve Krug's research when I was learning about social networking and web content creation. Right now, I'm slowly developing a web presence for a nonprofit literary project I'm working on, and sometimes it's hard to convince writers that web writing needs to be chunked.
Great tips. Here are my two cents...I like double-spaced text, and subheads if the piece is long. As my topics are never "spicy," I try to keep my posts to something in the range of an Op-Ed piece, maybe 700-800 words. And I like short paragraphs. But of course I broke both of those rules today. Thanks again.
Ok, that explains it . . . . .

On your "planet for rent" post I commented that " . . . the combination of ideas, photos, charts, and formatting is a model of how to make a high-quality post. "

Now I know why I said that!
Great information and generous of you!
Thanks!
Fabulous! Thanks.

Now if you could just help us get some our novel-sized comments inline, we’ll be cookin’ w/gas. (Kidding).
You are a wonderful member of this community. In more ways than your writing. You are a caring person (I probably know this right now, along with a couple of others, more than anyone else, but I'll digress on that). This is a gem of tips. None of which I'm good at. :-D

Squirrel, same for me. Love the words, get a headache afterward...
It's not you, it's me.

Wonderful tips.
(rated)
Hugz
Greg
I wrote this manual in the beginning of the online world. You just rewrote it. Better.

Brava.
Good advice, and not just for the web. Extra white space is easier on the eyes on paper as well. Getting to the point quickly works in most formats, too. Even if you are trying to build suspense, throw the reader a bone with a hint of what's to come. Otherwise, they may not stick around for the payoff.
Your a kind person. Thanks for the info.
Another caveat, if I may -

When inserting HTML in your post, please use the Save Draft and Preview and Edit features until you're sure it is working. Only then should you click on Publish. ;>)
Rated and bookmarked. Thanks!
Very helpful.

Thank you.
woah...the things a girl can learn from her friends... thanks verbal.
(laughing at Wayne's comment because the damned work computer simply WILL NOT EMBED statcounter successfully. No idea why).

Back to answer any questions in a few hours--husband's home for the first time in three nights!
Verbal Remedy,

Thanks for posting such helpful advice. I will try to incorporate your insights into future posts. Thank you!

And, by the way, I enjoy reading your work. I enjoy your humor and your way of thinking.

Peace,

Churchgoing Agnostic
Great post! Very useful info.

I've always wanted to be a smeeze. Is a pornographer a sleaze smeeze?
Wow. You really are smitten with Rob, aren't you?
I'm occasionally really really really grammatically out to lunch. I use Firefox so have a spellchecker built into the text boxes (if I bother to turn it on) How do I check my grammar? Also, when it tells me I have lousy grammar (which word does and does often- I evidently think and write in fragments and run-ons), how do I find out how to make it right ,other than rewriting and rewriting until it's no longer underlined?
Well, OK, hubby's now hanging out with his motorcycle racing buddy, so I'm back.

Lonnie--you're very perceptive. ;-) Then again, I haven't bought him a thong, or a tube top, or...whatever...

Sandra, in order to be smeeze, you'd need to be at least two units of SME. Since I don't believe you've got multiple personality disorder, I believe you're disqualified. :-)

Sally--somehow I sincerely doubt that.

Greg--yeah, what have you heard?

Mish--it was your comment that made me think "Huh, I should do a post on that." So thanks!

Steve K, I'm actually an ANTI-double-spacing kind of girl. I find that just as difficult to read as long blocks of unbroken text.

Undertow, good luck convincing Writers (TM) of that. The worst part of that job was that the Writers (SMEs) had final approval of all the editors' work, and they'd frequently undo everything we'd so carefully done to make their chunky, thunk-y academic prose convey, you know...actual information. :-S
Wow, you're really a woman of rare talent.

(Lonnie, I think you may have the directionality reversed...)
*heart atwitter*

He called me talented! He called me talented!

[melt]
Someone told me to come over here and read this. I took notes. I'll do better.
I LOVE problem-based learning...
Very helpful. Thanks.

That short paragraph thing---REALLY important. I tend to do it anyway---I tend to make a lot of one sentence paragraphs for effect (or is that affect) I usually avoid those two words--but I'm in too much of a hurry to recast that sentence.
Thanksverbal…Eye M go-ing 2 take yur comments to Heart and STOP usingallthesecutelittlewritingstylesilearnedin5thgrade. I promises nevR 2 DOO this agin. EyE swear!!!!
Thank you for all of this information. Very helpful and very kind of you to share.

I have to say that I prefer less-adorned, more old-fashionedly plain looking texts, which is interesting since I also get easily distracted. I don't think I can be reminded about creating shorter paragraphs and more white space enough though. I don't like reading long block paragraphs, but I sure do enjoy writing them!
I hope this makes it as an EP. VERY helpful, VR.

Makes complete sense, and it was easy to read -- modeling the style and behavior. Great teaching. Nice contribution.
Noticing that you do not have an Editor's Choice on this post makes me feel better about my writing.
Thanks! I enjoy your writing and appreciate the guidance you've provided.
I love this although the flouncing Wiki ... you have to do that.
VR - an excellent post that may prove very helpful here. By the way, I was informed by my son of the term for one of the no-no's you discuss in this piece -- it's called a "text wall" -- the intimidating and off-putting presence of a large block of text.

That's a habit that's hard to break for those of us "mature" types that grew up in a literate world -- though not nearly as literate as it once was -- read The Federalist Papers to see what I mean.

Once was a time when sentences were truly compound -- Jonathan Swift comes to mind -- and punctuation was mission critical if you had any hope of being understood. Of course, back then your audience understood the function of punctuation marks, and hence, received clues as to where things were headed.

Punctuation was the bread crumbs of that day; but no longer, now we live in a post-comma world. You can almost determine a person's age by their use or non-use of commas and semi-colons.

It really is ironic that the Internet which was originally nothing but words is more and more becoming nothing but pictures, a place where even words have to be treated like pictures, where sentences - nay, parpagraphs - very short paragraphs must be able to be absorbed at a glance.

While this may be a good way to transmit information, I fear that it is a poor way to transfer the kinds of things that use to be transmitted by literature.

I could go on ... but I'm sure most people stopped reading this long ago.
Oh, and I quite agree with you about the zyskander-clockwork orange types who think it's kewl to invent their own spellings and their own language. Pain in the ass that is seldom worth the trip.

On the other hand, you should cut the squirrel some slack -- his writing is almost always worth the trip, and we are fortunate to have our own e.e. cummings.
You are so friggin talented it scares me, ya know? Your heart does not need to go a twitter because I said that. I'll let that be Rob's job.
Can you get people who speak in long paragraphs to apply this to thier verbal skills? Just wondering.
Sorated. No sharp edges. NN2R. Unless you want to.
Excellent advice, Verbal! There are many times that I click on a post without paragraph breaks and I click right back out again. It's too hard on the eyes. I'm off to see Rob's post... because you told me to.
This is exactly what I teach, Verbal. To a T, or make that an
"F."
Did you just describe Christopher Hitchens's writing? I find him incredibly informed but very hard to read.

Great post.
Thank you for a wonderful post. It has lots of helpful information in it.
I am in awe of your mastery - and hereby declare you Mistress of the Words of the Web ©

Oh, that was too wordy......
great information - I hope everyone reads it
Thanks, VR. I also like lots of white space. But in all other ways, I have so far to go, and the steps feel overwhelming at times....
Nice help, V! As you know from another post, I used to train corporate types to write more clearly. Boy, did they need it. Same principles apply.
great citations (love those guys), great tips, solid writing.

Some of the best writers on OS would instantly become 10% better if they put a carriage return or two in those long paras.

You are so good.
Great post, really informative!
I love Neilsen's rule of thumb of cutting out half the words. And then going back and cutting out another half.

As you point out, not always applicable to posting on OS, but I hammer my web clients with it on a regular basis.

On formatting - kent pitman had a good post a while back on using CSS - mucho helpful with margins, boxes, etc. to break up the text

Thanks for sharing your hard-earned knowledge and expertise, verbal.
Well put. Glad to see you're not just another pretty face!
VR - This post rocks! Thanks for the information. I build sites for my company and the various projects we've got going on and my SMEs like to give me either a) big wordy chunks of text or b) lots of sources but nothing in the way of copy for the site. Either way, I end up doing a fair bit of writing and/or editing. I'll be using this info!
ah, but SUBJECTIVELY, i'm incredibly easy on the eyes. and i'm not just talkin' bout my nuts neither.

hah.
Really helpful. I think I'll link to it for future reference.
Glad y'all stopped by! I'll do "itemized responses" in an hour or so. Right now, gotta get on the road...
Your post is very readable--thanks for giving us a good example of your points. rated.
Your post reminds me of a lot that was preached in journalism school. But I got kinda wistful reading Tom Cordle's first response. I was always getting into shouting matches with my editors when I tried to slip a complex-compound sentence into a story, usually a long story, whose tip-off was always my favorite punctuation mark--the semicolon. In an age in which the comma seems to baffle as much as Sanskrit, a semicolon is positively hieroglyphics; nevertheless, I press on. (My college-age daughter, a good writer, positively carpet bombs her sentences with commas on the off chance that she will get one in the right place.)

My theory about all the emphasis on brevity and small chunks of text, etc., is that our children's attention span was cut short with the inventions of music videos (with dozens of cuts per minute) and video games. The shorter attention spans for the older among us can be attributed to work increasingly at two jobs and the excess drinking to forget about the "good ol' days."
Forgot to add, though, that adhering to your post's guidelines makes a lot of sense, despite the conflicts that arise in me when I try to follow them in my own posts, which continue to have paragraphs that are too long and sentences sprinkled with parenthetical material (I love that word "parenthetical"), the offset to which can be, for stylistic diversity's sake, the occasional, short sentence fragment for effect.

Rated.
Mmm... you had me at "backend database". ;)
I loved the eyescan thingy. It was pretty.

(thumbified for technical prowess. Growwwl!)
Freaky: I look forward to immediate improvements. Harrumph.

Cat: Where have you encountered PBL before?

m. a.h.: The fact that you're AWARE that you tend to get affect/effect mixed up? Puts you in the top 2% already.

grif: u devl, u made me laff.

Jacey: I overdid things in this post, to be sure. Most of my posts are a lot lighter on the bold. Really, THE most important thing is the White Space. Everything else is gravy.

Seattle: Kerry hates me. :-)

Susanne: Love your writing, really! :-D

WoAP: Glad to be of service.

Odette: Ooooh, you just wait. I may just yet do the Bitch-and-Flounce-A-Rama post.

Tom: I'm dressed in black and wailing right along with you, mourning the death of punctuation. Someday I may actually blog my thoughts about post-literacy (in short, I believe human literacy peaked in the 80s and from here on out, we'll be moving to other forms of communication that aren't as labor intensive as writing and reading)

cartouche: Just replying because I want to. :-P

Lisa: YES! You have just nutshelled the problem. I see a wall of text, and I generally flee (unless it's somebody like the squirrel, whom I've learned is worth the hard work of penetrating the text)

Emma: Did you just give me an F? [sulk]

rijaxn: Thanks. Ol Hitch has so many problems, doesn't he?


Fireeyes: Hope you'll point me to a post where you use it! :-)

artsfish: No title needed: I'd rather just have a fancy hat.

Marcelle: Thanks for stopping by! Now go spam the link to all your friends. ;-)

Ann: You'll get there. Only way to become a better writer is to write more and ask for honest feedback.

Lea: Ugh, business writing. Spare me another moment of reading about how we need to proactively leverage synergies.

Greg: Hey! Somebody else who knows the dynamic duo! I'm impressed.

Moana: I can't tell you how it tickles to see a reader in India on my StatCounter page.

lpsrocks: Jakob can be a little...draconian...in his prescriptions. Really that advice is for didactic and/or instructional text, not for expressive text like we do here on OS. But the general advice to thin the verbiage where possible remains a valid point.

rapier: Good! Hope it helps!

squirrel: In my mental image of you, you are indeed exceedingly easy on the eyes. You rather look like Sawyer on Lost.

Carol: Glad you found it helpful!

(DEAR GOD, people who religiously respond to every commenter are saints of the highest order. This required an open Notepad window and lots and lots of scrolling. Is that how people manage to do it?)
Great post! I've bookmarked it for future reference and to forward to a few folks who aren't on OS.

These rules aren't just for online writing -- I first learned them as a technical writer way back in 1981 before we had even heard of the internet! The method was called "Information Mapping" (TM) and it was for use in policy/procedure and other manuals and instructional materials. It was considered a huge leap forward from the gray "paragraphs of death" style that all business writing used up till then. Later, I taught this style of business writing in the 1990's, when it still was filtering down to people who write memos and reports in business. I used similar info about readability as you did, including having people just scan 2 printed pieces of paper with the same content, but in differing formats, to see how easy it was to detect the key facts in each, as well as which had eye appeal.

But it's surprising that now that almost everyone reads online extensively that people are still so unaware of some of the basic techniques you mention. Since I write essays here on OS (vs. more fact-driven or systematic writing), I break every rule you mention and mostly write just gray paragraphs, but I do try to break my paragraphs every six lines or so. That alone helps. I also usually try to keep my essays shorter, although I don't always succeed (including with my latest).

thanks for sharing these tips!
yeah, i think sawyer from lost is about right. uh-huh. yep. you go right on picturing sawyer from lost.
Should I be picturing Ben instead?
nope. sawyer all the way. trust me, baby, trust me.
[closing my eyes and picturing really hard]
yes. it's better that your eyes are closed. i stand a chance that way.
VR, for some of us public school students who learned whole word, and other bad habits, can you suggest an online writing study?

One point that I found useful is that if I'm going to write more than a sentence or two then, I will use my word process and cut and paste it here.
Well, hey! Now I totally get your OS name!!

Your whole job was verbal remedying! You editor, you.

Good stuff!
I'm trying to figure out how to blog interpretive dance, stellaa. :-)

Catnlion, I'm not personally acquainted with any online things, but just keep on writing here (and if you want feedback of a technical nature, say so at the end of your blogs!)

FeatheredThing, THANK YOU!!!! Finally, somebody cracks the code. :-D
White space is your friend. Learned that early on in J-school and have never forgotten it.

And can I just say, having a degree in Journalism from Way Back When, spelling/grammar/punctuation errors make me crazy. Yes, I make them myself, even I'm not perfect. ;) But I automatically edit when I read, and something poorly written is just too much work for me to wade through.

Oh, and m. a.h.: Here's how I've always remembered affect/effect: If you affect something, you have an effect on it. Works for me.
Wow--how did I miss this post? It's fabulous on every count.
PS How the hell did this not get an EP?
I found this very helpful (especially the eyetracking chart), but I had to read it in two installments--because you broke the rules. I wish more people on this site were sensitive to visual fatigue--I'd read them more.
Dear VR
mishima666 advised me to read this post.
I am forever grateful to both of you. Excellent advise. The long paragraph thing is one of my biggest problems. Will not do it anymore.
mil gracias