Note: I was working on this post, prompted by Scoubido's reminiscence on the Spirograph, when I noticed that Mad Typist has also posted a Childfree Manifesto of sorts today. GMTA on OS, I suppose!
Everybody Wants Kids.
Baby Alive, soft and sweet...she can drink, she can eat/New Baby Alive, beautiful face, dressed in pink and pretty lace.
As a five-year-old, I was a sucker for a good jingle. And so, for Christmas 1973, I asked for a Baby Alive.
The commercials seemed so cool. Even though I wasn't really into dolls, this one promised to be FUN! She ate and drank and...pooped!? Oh, man! This would be great! I had to have one!
It's Different When They're Your Own.
On Christmas eve, younger brother got Hot Wheels and a racetrack to put them on (you could build loopty-loops with the flexible track!), and I got Baby Alive.
Dad removed the lumbar area of her back (introducing a pre-Terminator cyborg-creepiness factor), shoved her batteries in, and handed her to me. Mom went to the kitchen to fill up a little two-ounce plastic bottle with water. I pressed the bottle down on her lower lip.
Whrrrrrr-whrrrrr-whrrrrr-whrrrrr-whrrrrr-whrrrr.
The doll's jaw moved up and down as the gears inside her soft plastic face made a mechanical motion. That was it. Up and down. Up and down. Up and down. This doll wasn't "drinking." It was just laying there, making that sound. Whrrrrr-whrrrrr-whrrrr.
I squeezed the bottle HARD to get liquid into her. Then, over the next minute or so, a few drops of water dribbled out onto the doll's diaper.
Whatever.
OK, let's try feeding her, said Mom. The "food" came in a white envelope--dehydrated scented powder that you mixed with water and stirred into a gelatinous gooey paste with Baby Alive's spoon. The first "flavor" we tried was banana. It smelled disgusting.
I held my nose, gooped some banana sludge onto the tiny little spoon, and pressed down on Baby Alive's lip. Whrrrrr-whrrrrr-whrrrr.
The sludge was not going anywhere. It was not disappearing into Baby Alive's mouth. She wasn't "eating." No, the "food" was merely smearing stickily all over the doll's face. I laid the doll on its back and started forcibly shoving scented sludge into the doll's mouth. Whrrrrr-whrrrrr-whrrrr.
Ten minutes later, I'd forced perhaps a whole tablespoon of goo into the doll. I turned her upright.
I spent the next 30 minutes checking her diaper.
Nothing. The doll wasn't poo-ing. It was just...there.
What a ripoff.
What if YOUR Mother had Felt That Way?
A few days later, I started trying to dislodge the dried sludge from the doll. I did this by grabbing her by her feet and banging her forcefully on the floor, headfirst, hoping the dried plug of goop would shake loose. (I've since read online that others who had the same doll were traumatized when their brave dads used straightened coat hangers to try to give the doll a rather brutal form of stomach-pump/enema.)
Looking back, Baby Alive was my first clue that babies and children wouldn't loom large in my life.
You Were A Child Once Too, You Know.
I knew as early as anybody reasonably can that I didn't want children. I didn't like them. I didn't get them. I didn't understand them. I didn't go all gooey around babies or children younger than myself.
Noisy little things annoyed me. Poopy-diapered little things disgusted me. Crawling little things sticking random objects in their mouths grossed me out. Snotty, sticky-handed little things made me want to get as far away from them as possible.
Mom tells me I first announced that I was never going to be a Mommy sometime in first or second grade. The pronouncement was made during Card Club (a monthly gathering of ladies) one month when she was hosting. All of the ladies, including my mom, laughed at me. (I remember that distinctly.)
When my friends started babysitting, I did too. Only they liked it, and I hated it. I had only one "customer"--a mom who lived three houses down from my Aunt Lizzie, and just kittycorner from one of the Card Club Moms. My "customer" had a first-grader, a toddler, and an infant. (I was probably in sixth grade.) I watched the kids for just an hour or two after school, walking home with the oldest.
Changing that infant's diaper for the first time as he screamed and wriggled and pissed in my face remains one of the nastiest memories of my childhood.
I knew it then. I was never going to be a Mommy.
"You'll change your mind," all the grown-ups said. I was insulted.
You've GOT to Have Kids. Life's Empty Without Them. The Most Important Thing You'll EVER Do Is Have Children.
I was so faithful about birth control throughout my teens and early twenties, one might accurately label it a neurosis. Nothing--not even death--terrified me as much as the thought of accidental pregnancy. (There were plenty of good reasons for this.)
The Today Sponge (slimy and disgusting as it was) featured large in my (carefully planned) loss of virginity.
After that came the first trip to Planned Parenthood. I told the doctor I wanted tubal ligation.
"We don't do that on women your age."
"What? Why not?"
"Because you'll change your mind. It's a procedure that's very hard to reverse."
"Uhm. Irreversibility is a selling point. I do not want children. I do not like children. I want to be infertile."
"You're too young to make that kind of decision."
[silent disbelief]
"Uhm. OK. So...just hypothetically speaking, then...when will I be old enough to make that decision?"
"We won't do tubal ligation on a woman who hasn't had children."
"I don't want children."
"Here's a prescription for The Pill."
"How about an IUD?"
"An IUD is not appropriate for a woman your age who hasn't had children yet. There is a slight but real chance of complications that could cause sterility."
[It was at this point that I was tempted to bang my head against the nearest hard surface and scream until everybody around me went deaf.]
"What part of 'permanent sterility would be a blessing' do you not get, Doctor?"
But no. The fact was, I was a female who possessed the biological potential to breed, and no medical professional was willing to believe that I meant what I said. That I did not want children. Ever. That a young woman, in full possession of her faculties, could not possibly know that she did not want to breed.
"You'll change your mind" trumped "No, I won't," every time. I may as well have been six years old, for all the control I really had over my medical choices.
So I took the fucking pills. For four years, I took The Pill. In the first three months, I blew up like a poisonous Japanese delicacy. I sprouted a whole new crop of zits. My breasts grew and ached. My migraines went from excruciating to debilitating. But I took the fucking pills.
What Are You, Selfish?
I made it a point to inform all my serious romantic partners through the years that I would not be having or raising children. A couple hauled out, "You might change your mind," or "We'll see," or "You can't possibly know what you want in the long-term at this point in life." One boyfriend proposed to me and told me we'd "work out" the kids thing later. Those guys became exes.
Once I got married to DH1, I wanted to go off the pill once and for all. One last time, I went to an OB/GYN and requested information about a tubal ligation.
"How does your husband feel about this?" (What, like he's going to tie me up and impregnate me against my will if he doesn't agree?)
"He's as adamant as I am about not having kids." (That's one of the many, many reasons I married him, lady.)
"Well. He should get a vasectomy, then. They're easily reversed." (Because, of course, obviously, you'll change your mind and want children someday.)
Long story short...he got the vasectomy. Walked in, asked for the procedure, got scheduled, went back the next week, got it taken care of. The clinic that did the procedure didn't even ask him once, "are you sure?" No arguments, no questions, no pat-pat-pat-on-the-head oh-you-can't-possibly-know-what-you-want.
I seethed about that for...years.Who's Going To Take Care Of You When You're Old?
An uncle of mine owes me $2,000. Plus 20 years' interest. He was so smugly certain that I would one day become a baby factory, we laid money on it.
Now that it's become clear he lost--now that I am 41, with eggs well past their "sell-by" date and an ablated uterus that's as inhospitable to implantation as the surface of Mars----he refuses to acknowledge it was ever a serious wager. It's become a running joke.
"It's not too late, you know," he says, smirking over his cabernet. "You could still change your mind."
That's my cue to roll my eyes and fix him with a withering stare.
"You could still decide to adopt!"
He laughs when I tell him to go fuck himself. It's part of our two-decade ritual.
Just Wait Until Your Biological Clock Starts Ticking
I've heard that in the past few years, the reproductive medical profession has become slightly less paternalistic and afraid of litigation by Those Poor Little Womenthings Who Got Sterilized And Then Came Back And Sued. (I'd actually like to know how often that's really happened--it strikes me as about as likely as albino alligators in the sewers, but every condescending doc who told me I had no idea what I really wanted assured me they were legion.)
I hear physicians are more open today to the idea that a young woman, naturally "blessed" with fertility, might like to have that particular time-bomb defused, permanently. That a young woman is capable of having, and exercising, free will and sound judgment in re: her internal girly bits. That a young woman is as entitled to a fertility-quashing procedure as a young man of the same age.
I'm glad to hear it.
I never changed my mind. Never felt an inkling of biological tick-tock. Never developed any more maternal instinct than I had at five, bashing a disappointing baby doll's head on the floor.
Just for the record: If you're a parent, that's fantastic. Shakespeare once said, in a slightly different context, "The world must be peopled!" and I'm glad you're doing it. I hope you're enjoying it. I'm relieved beyond words to live in an era in which I can avoid it.
Should you ever be tempted to ask a young couple when they're going to "start trying"--don't. It's just plain rude. It would be rather like me asking you, "So, when do you plan to start experimenting with butt-plugs?" Nosy. Intrusive. Inherently in poor taste.
There are all sorts of ways for that question to backfire, from painful struggles with infertility to genetic contraindications to dedicated and enthusiastic child-avoidance. It's really time for us to stop assuming that child-bearing is a given.
But if you do ask, and you hear back, "I don't want children," that is not an occasion for argument, contradiction, or condescension. It's a declaration of personal choice, no more open to debate or persuasion than "I don't like coconut," or "I don't care for dogs," or "I don't want to live in North Dakota."
Thus endeth the Baby-Alive-triggered rant.
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Fair warning.
;-)
Never see the sponge that I don't think of "sponge-worthy" ...
Oh and Baby Alive ... yhea, I had that ...
Do you remember that movie about the little tiki doll thing that came to life. It killed the lady with a pizza cutter ...
Well, I remember watching that back in the 70's and my dad pushed Baby Alive's chin and she started jawing and he but her right up behind my brother's ear and the dropped her ... he went BAT SHIT!!! It was hilarious ... we still tease him!
Lord, I hated that doll.
I just became an Insta-Aunt to a 6-year old a few months back (long story and I'd need permission to blog super-publicly about it). That's ideal. Just the right age for me to start being able to really be able to connect with a kid. Much younger and I'll blink a lot and try to figure out what in the heck they're saying and give up after a few minutes. (Right, Pretend Farmer?)
It was filled with something resembling Karo syrup.
I know this because I stabbed her repeatedly and sucked it all out.
(thumbified for the right to nonparent)
This is funny VR. And ironic that a man can get a vasectomy and a lollipop with no questions asked, yet a woman is assumed to be out of her mind when requesting a "procedure".
But help me out here, and I didn't google it but isn't a tubal ligation when the female egg becomes fertilized and then attaches inside the fallopian tube?
Some of us weren't cut out to have children, I know, I am one. Oh I have one, and I do love him dearly. He's a little bit older than you are, and not a grandchild in sight. Thankfully I won't have to pretend to like being a grandmother.
The baby doll of my generation was called, Betsy Wetsy. Charming.
A very well written piece. Will rate.
If you lived in Europe, this non-baby thing would not be much of an issue. They are over populated already and recognize that! I can understand why the vasectomy thing really pissed you off! But, on the other hand, isn't spontaneous sex great?
I remember Betsy Wetsy well, Buffy. My grandmother had one.
My mother loves babies. But ONLY babies. Between the two of us, we'd probably be able to effectively raise a child all the way. She loves the helpless, preverbal, pre-reason ages, and I prefer a kid I can communicate with. Suffice it to say, she really isn't all that disappointed not to be a grandmother. And my grandmother has two lovely great-grand-grandbabies by my younger cousin, so she wasn't deprived, either.
Rated for goopy food that never came out as promised.
(Sorry you had to endure the "you'll change your mind" nonsense when it came to scheduling a tubal ligation. I had it done when I was 32, no difficulty at all. I think the fact that my surgeon was female helped a lot. She said, "So, you don't want kids?" And I said, "Nope," and she said, "Okay, we can schedule it for next Wednesday." Hurray!)
OW, OUCH, stop that!
LOL - I felt like you did for a full eleven years of my marriage. But I never would have done the permanent snip snip thing, because I'm just by nature too aware of how things change and always want to keep as many options open as possible. But as it turns out, I guess I'm one of those who changed her mind.
Never regretted it, but fully honor those who don't change their minds.
God, I hate my mother-in-law. And that aunt.
Rated for knowing your mind.
Or, assume a stricken facial expression, look to you husband, clutch his hand, and say very softly...."We don't like to talk about it." (It's critical that husband plays along, appearing to be concerned and comforting. Ex-H and I occasionally did that at parties when asked That Question by people who didn't even frakking KNOW us.)
To the corner with you, Feathered Thing. [cuff! cuff! boff!] But seriously, see, the fact that you were self-aware enough to know you shouldn't do the permanent snip-snip? Speaks volumes that there are many gradations on the "don't want kids/don't think I want kids/don't know if I want kids" scale, and those of us willing to request the DRASTIC option do, in fact, really want it.
Eh. I'm just happy to finally be beyond it all. Except, of course, for Uncle. Who WILL Pay One Day. Oh, yes he will.
Better to have someone decide not to parent, than to become a poor parent. You don't need to justify it. You just know!
As for every one else, just f$ck 'em. Rated.
Julie D., your daughter's a case in point. I have a dear friend who had the same problem and only surgery finally helped. The cruel irony was that she desperately wanted to be a mom. I felt guilty to have a fully healthy, functional set of reproductive organs when she was willing to go through so much agony every month, trying and trying. It was awful. :-( Tell your daughter to keep calling around. Call out of state if need be. Somebody, somewhere will be willing to help her.
For some reason that offends people.
She is nineteen and I am still wondering: WHY DID I DO THIS?
They are enough to make you scream.
I love everyone whether they reproduce or not.
And I see you too were ambivalent about Spirograph. Loved post~
Loved the butt plug response. Works in so many situations!
And guess what? The next person (in a cast of freakin Millions) who asks me, "You have ONLY ONE child?" is getting boffed in the head!
I had a brother 10 years my junior and a brother 14 years my junior. For that reason I did not have my first child until age 31. I was no fool -- kids are a lot of work. Also I never found someone I trusted/loved enough to procreate with until I was 30 and I had some worries about him ;0). It is not like I wanted to decide I'm 35 time to have a baby and I'll just reproduce the next naked guy I meet. My second was an oops baby who came along after we had given up trying and were well on our way to a divorce.
Yes I love my kids. Yes they keep me going when I need inspirtation.
But kids do make their parents tired. They create great joy but also can cause great sorrow -- just like every other human being on the planet. Women who don't want children should not have them or feel like they should have to.
Is it OK that I say you do know what you are missing and that is why you chose to miss it?
This is a very fine post.......as usual Verbal....thanks.....
know how many people i hear say that actually. i have a friend in cali who is barely 21 and shes sworn up and down that she wont have babies.. her mom things god is punishing her with horrible ovarian sithts (sp?) bc she doesnt want babies...
Thank you for having the intelligence and courage to refuse to bear children you don't want, and the wit to write about it.
People should put in as much energy into their own lives as they do in telling others how to live.
Live the life you love.
MJ
I don't have any kids, either, but for different reasons. Still, a choice I made in my adulthood.
When I was 21 and living on Martha's Vineyard for the summer, I d the interesting experience of meeting Lillian Hellmann through her cook and housekeeper. (I was cooking and keeping house for John Hersey of Hiroshima fame). Anyway, she told us that her only regret in life at her age was that she never had any children.
As I float through menopause and realize that a door has closed for me, her words come back. Fortunately, I have seven step grandchildren who all know me as Grandma. Hopefully, that will help if I ever get too sad...
i'll just say this:
once you have the baby and the reality of what faces you finally sinks in...you can't just sneak out of the hospital in the middle of the night and make a break for it
trust me on this
this post was beyond wonderful
thanks
What are the requirements, if any, these days with getting permanent birth control? I had a friend who tried to have a hysterectomy performed at 28 back in 1977, because she had recurrent fibroids and periods that lasted 10-12 days. She had twin girls, but her doctor had some formula that you took the age of the woman, multiplied it by the number of children she had and the sum had to be a certain number or over. My friend didn't "add up" and her condition was not life threatening, so no doctor would do the surgery. Unbelievable!
Having been on both sides of the divide, these are my top three favorite lines (all uttered to me by various people),
Don't have/think I want children:
You'll change your mind! (And you'll be the last to know.)
But you would have such smart OR cute children! (Oh, YOU'RE the one who gives out the blueprints!)
How do your parents feel about that? (Well, I don't think THEY want to get me pregnant.)
During pregnancy:
Oh, did you plan this? (No, we just got bored one night at my parent's house.)
Do you want a boy or a girl? (Are there any other choices?)
Are you having natural childbirth? (No, I'm thinking of blowing it out my ass.)
I asked him, "I don't know. Who's going to take care of YOU when you get old?"
I never felt the urge to procreate. Never. Ever. Sure, they're cute, but so is a baby lion. Doesn't mean I want to LIVE with one.
When I asked my military doctor for a tubal he refused and told me to come back after I'd popped out a couple of kids. When my then-husband asked for a vasectomy they told him to go have some kids first. They took me off the pill because of my bp and told me I'd just have to have kids.
So I got a job at a medical clinic with great insurance and my doctor there had only question when I asked for a tubal: "How's next Friday for you?"
Sorry for hijacking this, but this is is so ME.
Good post on the creepy Baby Alive and your childfree wishes. My aunt, after giving birth to her one and only accident and being terrifed that she was pregnant again (she wasn't), asked a doctor circa 1970 here in MS if she could get her tubes tied. He angrily told her off, saying her child might die in a fire and she might want another and blah blah....and I think she would have needed her husband's permission, though he didn't need hers to get "fixed." Anyway, she had no more kids and is fine with that.
And yes, folks, she cannot understand a child of four. I had to translate the whole weekend. And she definitely gravitated more towards the animals than the children. Amazingly, I like her even more than I did the first time we met.
BTW, her rice is to die for and her CSA involvement has converted me.
Dorinda--OK, I'll settle for "You know what you're missing out on and that's why you didn't go that way." :-)
Flyover made me snort with "No, I think I'll just blow it out my ass."
Definitely got peed on, Rich. :-S Whether or not hazy memory has inserted "in the face" is anybody's guess, but that's how I remember it.
I am jealous of Monique.
And I take no pride in the fact that I get along better w/ animals than with kids--it's just a thang. PF, by the way, is entirely lovely and a wonderful mom/grandma!
Oh and ironically this: " The sludge was not going anywhere. It was not disappearing into Baby Alive's mouth. She wasn't "eating." No, the "food" was merely smearing stickily all over the doll's face"
is actually a pretty accurate description of what it's like to try to feed an actual baby solid food for the first time. ;-)
Thanks for a good, strong argument in favor of respect for the CF choice. Just wanting to point out that it's possible to really like children and still be adamantly CF.
For me it was a mix of a biological urge plus having the right husband. I would never have had children on my own. I am just not that great a stand alone mom. He's the fabulous one.
denese
These days they give high school kids those "babies" to tend for what? something like 24 hours, maybe 48. You can't *shut them down,* or you'll fail the course---so you must tend to all their needs. If they had had those babies as part of my high school curricula, I'd have had my tubes ties at 18 rather than wait until I was 30.
Great post my like minded friend!
I did have a great role model when I was a teenager. I woman I respected who'd had a very high powered career and a great marriage. She made a conscious decision not to have children and never regretted it.
I love children, and they like me but I just never felt clucky myself and God knows there are enough homo sapiens on the planet.
The enormous hospital bills from giving birth, followed by the enormous clothing bills as the child outgrows outfit after outfit faster than you can buy them, followed by the enormous cost of outfitting a kid for school (for no less than twelve years!), followed the enormous cost of having your bleeding ulcers treated when that child you tried so hard to keep safe starts doing things that can in all likelyhood kill them.......
Sure you won't change your mind? ;-D
Seriously, anyone who questions another person's desire to not have kids is a nosy moron. I may ask someone, "Do you have children?", so that I can discover if they can relate. If the answer is "No", I don't ask why not. It's their business, after all.
Thumbed. I can't imagine what you did to Chatty Cathy.
:-)
So nice to hear from brethren and sistren of like mind--and from those others of you sensible enough to realize that not every person needs to "replace him/herself." As aBlonde points out, there are MORE than enough of us already. Why should anybody care whether anybody in particular is going to contribute one or two more?
OH shit!!! RUN!!! (me run, not you) ;-D
I seethed about that for...years.
I don't blame you! In some ways at least, the world has improved a bit. It's no longer QUITE so easy to talk down to and infantilize women and assume their maternal instinct will kick in. This was hilarious, Verbal. Especially the doll. I could see the point of teddy bears, but dolls left me cold. Hot Wheels were WAY cooler, and wouldn't you know, my brothers got them? The 60's--I can remember them, and I don't ever want to go back.
I'm another non-maternal type, and managed to dodge babysitting in my youth. I just don't have a lot of patience for kids. I see them kind of like large, hairy insects, but noisier and stickier and stinkier. Fine outdoors and not in my immediate vicinity, but I don't want them in my home!
Maybe the world must be peopled, but by people other than me thanks very much. Thumbed.
At my 20 year reunion I told them that with interest, they each owed me $2.75.
By the 30 year reunion, I think they believed me.
This was never a "decision" I made. I simply knew these things about myself and obviously, so did you.
Fabulous post!
This is still going on. I had a student a couple of years ago who had been to every ob-gyn in a huge radius to ask for tubal ligation. They all told her she was too young to consider it. She was adamant she never wanted children. i supported her decision, and was shocked that we are still living in this era. Especially since i knew a man who had a vasectomy at 23. no questions asked.
WTF?
Growing up, I never was attracted to babies and though I had dolls, I was more apt to pretend to operate on them rather than mother them. I married young and after a couple of years of thinking about it, I decided I wanted a baby. When I was pregnant, mother instinct galore kicked in and later I really wanted another baby, but it never happened. I like individual children but really don't like them all in a generic way.
My grown daughter doesn't have or want children and though that is up to her, of course, I'm glad. I have zero desire to be a grandmother. How's that for going against convention?
rated
Rated, naturally.
Be glad you don't live in the India of the 60s and 70s. My aunts/uncles/grandparents had the guts to ask their kids/nieces if they were getting their monthlies!!! I grew up without blinking an eyelid at all that. But I'd have been mortified if I (a woman of the 80s who had her kids in the early 90s) had been asked that when I was a newly-wed!
And the difference you talk about that persists even here, in the US, in the attitude towards the male species versus the female? My father-in-law told me (early into my marriage) that he believed that the male species was indeed far smarter than the female. Hilarious, considering he's married to one of the smartest women that I've ever known who was born in the 30s. Little wonder that I chose this avatar, as you can see:-)
Great honest read, smartly written. I do so wish that the editors here would pick posts that are not only revelatory but ALSO well-written. Many times, the two don't go hand in hand. I don't get it.
I so got this. And yes, it's rigged to force women to NOT exercise their right to make this decision.
And this was funny! I nearly snorted Cosmo all over the screen...
I laughed out loud at "So, when do you plan to start experimenting with butt plugs?" I may ask the next person who gets too nosy that very question!
Anyway, I think I was about the same age as you were when I announced I didn't want any children. To me the option was a bit clearer, as I had 3 aunties, 2 uncles and no cousins. I haven't EVER had little children around me, even when I was one, apart from my own friends and even they appeared at the age of 5 onwards. Even my dog hates kids because he had never had a chance to get to know any.
Having said that, I don't hate kids, and I understand their charm. Sometimes I find myself smiling and giggling at a sight of a cute child doing something.. .well, cute. That doesn't change the fact that I don't want a part of it. I feel like I should be a mother, because most people just don't have a clue about how a child's mind work. Like for example telling them that a doll could "eat" or "poop". Kids are not stupid and adults tend to forget that.
Anyway, I enjoyed your post tremendously and I had to sign up on the site just to comment. :)
BTW, I never had one of those dolls. Never wanted one. My dolls (and I had them, but I also had toy cars and lego and a model of the Space Shuttle) did far more interesting things (in my imagination, anyway) than those baby alive things.
I always wondered how on earth I'd tolerate the screaming, pooping little banshees... until it dawned on me a few years later that when I grew up, I could make my own damn decisions and NOT HAVE KIDS.
Totally agree with you re: the paternalistic medical professionals, too. The women docs can sometimes be even worse. I thank heavens I tolerate the pill well, as I have been on it 20 years now - and still have no intention of "changing my mind". Ironically, though, it would be easier for my husband (eight years younger than me, also childfree by choice) to get permanent sterilisation than me!
Hello, dammit, we live in the 21st century... shouldn't we be allowed to have choices?
having children is seeming more and more to me like a very selfish thing. and that's coming from someone who grew up knowing only one thing for certain, i wanted to be a momma. i still do, with ALMOST every bone in my body. except the bones that say i'm not entirely physically and emotionally healthy, the bones that remind me of my struggling/troubling relationships with my parents, the bones that remind me of over-population and of the increasing lack of love and compassion and.....happiness? in the world.
so in the end i may not have babies after all. but either way, i will have put much thought into it, as you have. which is more than i can say for many many many women.
I don't want kids for a whole host of reasons, many of them intensly personal. Why can't people just back the eff off!? I don't know about you, but the worst ones are women! Men I'm not dating don't give a flying hoot that I'm not having kids. Women take it as a personal insult that I refuse to fufill my biological function as a gestational carrier. Why?
And my mom, given a choice, would have allowed my brother and I to stay 5 years old, forever. She could handle little ones, but not as we grew older.
Rated!