(Do visit ePriddy's previous post on the History of Flouncing!)
Deciding what to wear when one is seized by the urge to Flounce is a serious matter.
One's Flouncing wardrobe, in addition to one's words, must serve multiple functions: To convey one's intention to leave, yes, and to spit upon the ground, leaving no room for hope that one will ever darken the door again; and yet also to create in the spat-upon hordes a vague sense of guilt, or regret, or latent desire, or responsibility, or shame.
One must leave little doubt that one's presence at the party was (emphasize the past tense to deliver a subtle You'll-Be-Sorry-When-I'm-Dead [-And-All-This-Guilt-Will-Be-On-Your-Head]) a rare and transient gift; a sparkling respite from the drudge and drear of the day-to-day; a delicate jewel of unparallelled value and worth, to be appreciated only in absence, after the source of its light has departed for other, more worthy realms.
Wardrobe choices depend much on one's chosen method of flouncing.
For a Traditional Flounce, Mr. Blackwell recommends ample padding, donned in the rear. This will prevent lasting damage to soft tissue caused by rapidly decelerating doorknobs. This flounce style is all about defiance and contempt, a certain air of Above-All-This, and strikes just the right note of genteel scorn for the unwashed masses with which one has deigned, until this very moment, to slum.
A carriage-and-driver should ideally stand at the ready, set to whisk you away to your tower after this flounce. Beware sudden loud noises; the horses can be a bit spooky, and those trailing detachable flounces can become soiled quickly after a spill.
Yes, the lower flounces could be removed, but wouldn't that detract?
A Furious Flounce, on the other hand, demands black--mounds of black--best accessorized with a long-handled cigarette holder (pref. smoldering), blood-red lipstick, hair pulled into a severe chignon, and whenever possible, an elegant Afghan hound on a leather leash.
Profanity of an elevated variety best punctuates the Furious Flounce, as does well-placed encouragement for the spat-upon to perform particularly unseemly autoerotic acts.
Simply perfect in hue and volume. A divine choice.
The Damsel-in-Distress Flounce (perhaps the most irresistable form of flouncing, both to the aspiring flouncer and the enabling flouncees) appears deceptively simple, yet it should never be attempted by amateurs.
Painstakingly constructed out of voluminous and intricate interlocking layers of explosive psychodrama, poor-poor-pitiful-me-ism, passive-aggressive self-blame cleverly overlaid on an interfacing of transparent accusation, and a laundry list of ways-you-have-insulted-me curliques, this is truly a flounce best carried off by one well practiced in the arts of manipulation and guilt.
Each bow, each lace, each bouffant is a perfect bonbon of You-Made-Me-Go-You-Awful-Terrible-Bastard-People!
Finally, for the Gentlemen Flounce (menfolk alas possess fewer sartorial options for flouncing than the ladies, but also, thankfully, tend to flounce in far fewer numbers in the first place), our panel of fashion experts recommends a straightforward hygeine model.
To take one's leave of an unworthy group in a Manly way, one may simply step outside and continue walking. Upon return to one's quiet, peaceful domicile, one should wash hands of the entire affair using Flounce Liquid Soap (rumored also to remove stubborn guyliner while being gentle on the skin).
This humble offering is not intended to ennumerate all possible styles of Flouncing; rather, it is simply an exhibit pointing out that Flouncing is not an endeavor to be embarked upon lightly, without careful planning and preparation.