Verbal Remedy AKA Denise

Verbal Remedy AKA Denise
Del Mar, California, The One That's In A State Of Steep Decline
January 18
Much preferred to the alternative.
Born. Grew up. Kept growing up. Started growing older. Still at both the growing up and growing older. Stay tuned.


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JULY 2, 2009 1:59PM

How I Lost 17 Lbs. Without Even Trying

Rate: 69 Flag

Obesity Map of the United States.

The recently revealed Robert Wood Johnson Foundation National Obesity Map. Congratulations, my fellow Americans: We are all officially fatter than we've ever been. Any resemblance to the 2008 Electoral Map is pure coincidence...or is it? See below. Meanwhile, go play with a fascinating...and depressing...visualization of our increasing fat-assery since the 1980s. 

 Oh, stop it. Just stop it.

Don't be clicking into headlines like that expecting The Secret! to quick-and-easy, painless, joyful, satisfying weight loss.

There's no such bloody thing. You know it. I know it. The American People know it.

And yet, those idiotic headlines and ads are everywhere (she said, eyeballing the sidebars). Browse the magazines at checkout stands. Every huckster in the world keeps promising that somebody somewhere knows something you don't know about how everybody can be skinny without effort. Even if they (like me) were born with a whale-like metabolism that is constantly seeking to sock away blubber for the long winter.

You don't just "lose" weight the way you lose car keys. 

You banish weight. You evict weight. You tell it to get its ass off your ass, and you mean it. You put your foot down. You get pissed at it. You look at photos of yourself and ask, "Where the FUCK did my jawline go?" You get tired of sizing up and pretending you aren't. And one day you finally decide, that's it. It's time to do this thing.


Anybody who says they've lost weight without trying (AND YOU CAN TOO!) is running a scam. Hear that, sponsors? Scams. Every last one of you. We all know it.

So, yeah, I've lost 17 lbs. in the past couple of months. You know how?

I stopped fucking eating so goddamned much, that's how.

There. That's the big secret. And I reveal it to you for free!

No need to pay $49.95 for a fat-burning solution, or $129.99 initiation plus meals, or $600 for an annual gym membership, no need to strip down to your underwear for a weekly weigh-in at that place that feels a lot like a 12-step meeting.

No, my friends, I am a generous and kind sort of blogger, and so I've cut through all the crap for you. I guarantee my system to work. It comes with a 100% money-back guarantee.

I've read all the 14 Diet Tips and 7 Ways To Lose Weight Fast articles that are evergreen mainstays of women's magazines (and have been since I started leafing through my mother's 1971 Ladies' Home Journals.) If any of them worked, we'd be a nation of Claudia Schiffers and Justin Timberlakes by now.

Now, I know what the nutritionists say. Six small meals a day, snacks, fruit, whole grains, vegetables, count calories, exercise, blah blah blah.

Lettuce again

Tried that approach: Diet Fail. After about the fifteenth carrot stick, my teeth wanted to tear into something real.

Pretending to eat all day (which is what that approach is, really) just made me focus on the fact that I was kind of, sort of eating, but not Eating. Not eating what I wanted to eat, at least. No, I was eating what somebody else told me to eat (now, I know it may come as a surprise, but VR does in fact have a wee problem with authority sometimes, and eating what somebody else tells her to eat tends to elicit a giant psychic "Fuck You" followed by a dive into the ice cream end zone.)


No, to lose weight, what I need to do, my friends, is just stop fucking eating so goddamned much. So, here it is.

The Stop Fucking Eating So Goddamned Much Diet. FREE!

  • Breakfast: Don't eat one. Just order a nonfat latte at the coffee cart and call it breakfast. (Well, OK, this one's easy for me, because I never have eaten now I really don't eat breakfast.)
  • Snack: Snort. Yeah. Right. Have some tea or broth if you must. Chew a few pieces of gum or suck on a Certs. Nosh an apple or somesuch if you're the kind of person who can eat one without wanting to devour an entire buffet an hour later. (I am not that sort of person, so I stick to tea.)
  • Lunch. Here you have a choice, and I'm not going to tell you what it should be. If you want pizza, have pizza. If you want a cheeseburger and fries, have that. But: Eat no more than half of it. If you're good at estimating calories (and aren't we all, we ranks of repeatedly failed dieters?) try to keep the total under 500. This is important: Throw the rest away. Banish the sound of your grandmother's voice in your head that's telling you how awful it is to waste food. Learn to take pride in the resounding "Thunk" of the remnants of your order of chicken fingers, or your pastrami sandwich, as it hits the bottom of the garbage can.
  • Snack: More tea, more gum, another mint, or even (heaven forefend) a bite (just one!) of something you actually like. 1 exquisite square of high-quality chocolate, maybe. Not the whole bar.
  • Dinner: For me, this one's easy. I've made it through most of the day on fewer than 800 calories already, and psychologically speaking, I'm not about to screw it up now. So most weeknights I have a bowl of soup, or a half-cup of lentil stew, or a very small serving (the size of one fist) of whatever it is Mr. Remedy's having.
  • Bedtime Snack: Bourbon. On the rocks. Plenty.

What I've learned as I've designed my amazing weight-loss system is this: My body needs far, far, far fewer calories than most people's bodies.

Finger-waggy "I studied nutrition" types will doubtless tell me I've "put my body into starvation mode!" and that I'm "not eating healthily!" but you know what? See the above reference to my Inner Rebel.

I honestly don't care. I've been dropping a couple of pounds a week this way. Not running. Not lifting weights. Not weighing ounces. Not going to meetings. Not doing weigh-ins. Not balancing my plate. Not Dealing-A-Meal. Not calling Jenny.

Not doing anything other than one simple thing.

Stop Fucking Eating So Goddamned Much.

2008 Electoral Map. Just in case you felt like cross-referencing.

The 2008 Electoral Map. Just in case you wanted to cross-reference Obesity with the Tendency to Vote Conservative and Oppose Government-Paid-Healthcare. It's curious that the states with the biggest waistlines and cloggiest arteries seem to be the ones most dead-set against universal healthcare, even though (once again) they'd be the ones making out like bandits as the rest of us bail them and their broke-ass, overweight states right the hell out.





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Huh. That's odd. My ads are all about Michael Jackson and Salons, with one offer to get a free Sex Offender report. I was certain it'd be all diet ads, all the time.
This is hysterical and wow, what a concept!!! This post rings true for me in more ways than I can say.
Heaven Forefend. A great, underutilized phrase. And thank you. It's been super hard working at my nichey grocery store that has the most despicable desserts, cookies, snacks, chocolate bars, chips, pretzels filled with peanut butter, chocolate covered everything, cereal with little squares filled with chocolate, and did I mention...chocolate. I am going to use the "Verbal Remedy Diet" - wow, now that would look good on an ad! - and quit eating so goddamned much! Tomorrow. We're having ribeye tonight!

rated for reality.
The diet ads are here now, and there's one for a colon cleaner, too.

Funny post. And congratulations!
Tea, gum, mint, and bourbon. You've pretty much covered the four basic food groups. Extremely funny, Verbal. Happy 4th. (Oh, by the way, your map needs to be updated. The latest shows Oklahoma in black, a new designation for national dietary disaster).
This is great. I lost pounds that way. Doesn't work now because some of my meds cause weight GAIN. So I work my ass off in order to stay the same weight.

Plus, all my swimming builds muscle which weighs more... dog keeps bringing me small animals?...
I'm big boned?....
I need nutrition to manage my fat?
I'm a growing girl...?

Seriously. You are so funny. Rated.
I save my bourbon for breakfast. Rated.
Woohoo, I'm blue! Unfortunately, I live awfully close to three other states, including a gold one. :(
Ok. This is one method that hadn't occurred to me, nor had I ever seen a book about it. But by "eating less", do you mean eat less? Can I just clarify: you mean, eat less food? Put less food in my mouth? Stop eating peanut M&Ms by the handful? Don't have a cheeseburger for breakfast? "Eat less" just seems like it will be hard to remember and perhaps too difficult a plan to follow. But I'll try it.
i'm with zuma - but i do think you're onto something here :)
My ads are all about Michael Jackson and Salons, with one offer to get a free Sex Offender report.

Well, there is that one for "Top Colon Cleansers Rated" on the bottom right. I imagine that would have made it into your "Not" list, though... :-)
This is seriously the diet I am on right now -- replace bourbon with pot and add big bowls of rabbit food here and there. The proper motivation is the real key. 12 pounds in six weeks and counting.
I once lost 20 pounds fast, not trying or exercising. I got divorced and the fat melted away!

Nice post, but if I followed that diet I'd be biting people's head's off.

The only ad worth checking out is the Air France one. (They are all diet ads now.)
Yeah. You pretty much hit the nail on the head here. It's not rocket science.

Portion control + exercise = weight loss
Woah now. No one said anything about exercising. Exorcision might work just as well. I vote for the latter, scars be damned.

And I can see we're on the same page with regards to dieting!

I absolutely hate, Hate, HATE all of those diets that make such stupid claims, and I always joke with my wife that all of the dieting advice in the entire universe can be summed up in these few words:

eat less and/or exercise more

However, I do take issue with your dispensing this valuable diet advice for free and hope you'll reconsider because I'd love to see "The Stop Fucking Eating so Goddamned Much Diet" on the Amazon best seller list!

And how about a "Stop Fucking Eating so Goddamned Much" late-night infomercial? Instead of those stupid Stepford-audience-members who just sit there in wonder, nodding their heads - you could have a bunch of malcontents who swear like drunken sailors every time you restate your diet principles!

It's a gold mine - no, make that a Fucking Gold Mine!!!
Terrific post. Thanks for the laughs.
I never eat breakfast either...and I like the bourbon part. It's all the stuff in the middle I have trouble with.
Thanks for stopping by, y'all. I'll actually be out most of the weekend having fun with my best friend from college who's out here for a few days, but I had to make one last big dump in the blog before absenting myself. I hope I've helped to illuminate this very complicated subject...

And please DO go click into that first link up top and choose "Animate." It's depressing and terrifying.
All-righty-then, I say to myself, as I take another bite of my cheesy shrimp enchiladas with beans and rice. I'm taking your advice. Did you hear that "thump?" It was the rest of my food hitting the garbage can floor.
Rated for fucking telling the goddamn secret already!
I lost 30 pounds a couple of years ago by changing my eating habits as well. Of course having 2 stents installed in the plumbing was a very good incentive.
Uhhhhh.... yup?

I used to laugh when my friends would say they were on a diet. I'd say, "Oh, you mean AGAIN???" Dieting is just a vicious circle. Changing the way you eat (and proper exercise) is how to lose weight and keep it off. I'm afraid on your plan, though, I'd be in a local restaurant with an automatic weapon inside of a week. maybe only three days.

Shit. I've been having bourbon for lunch ... now I see where I went wrong. Burbon = snack, not lunch.
The stress diet works for me every time. And not eating so much helps, too.
...for comparison purposes, I checked out the "Lose 25 pounds in 30 days", "Rachel Ray Diet" and "Colon cleanse" solutions offered by your sponsors, but they didn't use ANY profanity at all!

So, I'm sticking with your plan.
I admire the cut of your jib. If you're running for President in 2012 consider me an early supporter. You accept Paypal?
I'm on the "Just in Case I Ever Get to Have Sex Again Before I Die"t.

Shoot - did I say that out loud? I'm doing that too much lately...
oh great -- I just made a big pan of nachos for lunch. Okay, damn it, I'm skipping the sour cream!
Actual testimonial: "The SFESGM Diet really works. And when you pair it with the GOYLA (Get Off Your Lazy Ass) exercise plan, the weight just melts away!"

Hilarious. Rated.
Years ago I lost 40 lbs in 6 weeks - by going through a divorce. Not a recommended method.

Thanks for the laughs.
And then there's beer. The person who invents zero calorie awesome tasting beer will be a billionaire. If only it could be me.

Congrats on your weight loss. I'm jealousing.
All this fucking talk about dieting is making me hungry.
This is just so great.

I recently read a piece (damnit, i dont remember) on diets. It agreed with you essentially, saying no diet works, and simple common sense does it.

But the bit I liked was this: it said that the best way to lose weight was to change your lifestyle, don't eat so much, expect it to work so-so, expect to backslide, then do it again. Re-apply yourself, over and over. STOP expecting one method to do the job. steal the best bits, notice what works for YOU, expect failure, keep going.

I lost 50+ lbs 5 years by eating less, exercising more, and stabilized 3 years ago with 15 of it back. good enough. And i just dont want to be overfull anymore.

Nonetheless, and ironically, you write like fresh peaches taste. Your Voice: mlawrm, yum, juicy good. Look, i left half for you!
Excellent post. I agree with it all. The way I started losing weight was to stop eating so fucking much. I ate like a bear that was going into hybernation every single night. I really enjoyed this. Made me laugh out loud twice.
"1 exquisite square of high-quality chocolate, maybe. Not the whole bar."

Nope. Sorry- here's where I get off the train. Chocolate town and red wine-ville where I shall dwell until I die. Congrats on the weight loss!
Doesn't everyone have a breakfast of a slice of toast and an I/V drip of coffee as you run to catch the train???
Losing weight's the easy part. Keeping it off is what's hard. As the stats show, with 90% of people who lose weight regaining it in the first year and 95% within 2 years.

The people they've studied who have succeeded at keeping weight off for the long term (5-10 years at least) all do the same things: They develop healthy eating habits that can be sustained over time (which means they don't get boring or feel too depriving) and they exercise regularly. It's not glamorous or easy but it's what works. End of story.
So you're not going to buy TV air time and make an infomercial?

P. S. Every single one of your Google ads is diet-related. :)
I was about to just comment, Liar! But then I realized that you didn't mean it. Big tease! ;) I'm going to go eat a snack now. I can't live off of broth. I like food.
OPRAH: Gayle, can you try and get this white chick who calls herself "verbal remedy" on the horn. I think she might be onto something and we need to get her on the show.

GAYLE: Does she have a name at least O? And just what is she "onto"? Not another SECRET I hope, that bitch is getting old.

OPRAY: Now Gayle, if you'd only follow the directions that Australian bitch said you'd have everything you want.

GAYLE: I did O, I did the magic board and everything and it still hasn't happened. Now who's this Verbal bitch and what does she have going on.

OPRAH: She says she's figured out the secret of losing weight.

GAYLE: Girl, are you shittin me?

OPRAH: I can still eat fried chicken she says.

GAYLE: Did you say fried chicken?

OPRAH: And she says you can have bourbon for dessert!

GAYLE: Booze for desert? No shit?

OPRAH: So get busy girlfriend and track her down! Oh, and why don't you pick us up a bucket from the Colonel for lunch. I'll eat half and you eat half.

GAYLE: I'll get right on it O, extra crispy or Original recipe?

VR dear, since i snack during the day i dont eat dinner, ive never ate breakfast.. and im doing water areobic 3 nights a week, and goign to the y the other 2.. but what am i getting out of it..

honestly i dont know either.. but im still gonna go up and fight wtih that damn tread mill tonight
Wow - this just doesn't seem fair. I was born in a purple state, then have lived in orange states ever since, which corresponds to being born into a blue state and although remaining true blue, have lived the past 16 years in red states - AND I HAVE THE ASS TO PROVE IT!!! It really isn't fair to have to deal with both the republicans and a fat ass.
I lost 120 pounds, but she came back home a week later.

"VR does in fact have a wee problem with authority sometimes"

Hadn't noticed that in any of your posts before. You getting all rebellious and stuff?
Ha!! Laughing my ass off here. It was Dennis Leary, I think, who did a little routine on this, in his oh-so-snide way. Hilarious!! (you and Dennis)
Well, heroin and crystal meth do take the weight off, but I hear they're not so good for your health either.

Seriously, I do something similar, basically: one meal a day, generally dinner (more interesting choices than breakfast or lunch), and a big workout five days a week. People marvel at the eating once a day, but hey, I like to eat, and if I ate three times a day I'd have a noticeable gravitational field. And the "half" thing works like a charm. Go to a restaurant with someone, order an app and an entree, and each of you eats half. (Don't go with a vegan.) (Ever.) (Anywhere.)
I lost 184lbs a few years ago. Some bitch in Houston has him now.
I lost 10 pounds without really trying, but that was a sever case of the flu. I don't ever want to do that again.
but.. but... you said it was easy. i don't want to go through all that to lose weight. i'm going to google to find the real 'no effort' diet.
Congrats, and it's the funniest diet program yet. I do think Weight Watchers comes closest to what you did, for those who have less will-power than you.
(I am afraid to say a word. I'll just be vewy vewy qwiet.... congratulations! Shhh...)
Oh god, here comes Sally, all, "I'm skinny and you're no-ot" crap. Jeez. ;)

Nice post, Verbal. I've lost about six pounds recently and I think it's from eating less, too, but that sometimes happens to me when it gets sunny and summery. Come winter and I put on my usual 5-10. You know, preparing for the heavy lifting of Spring Planting and all.
If there is a stick with which I enjoy a beating over the head, it is the Skinny Stick! Ow! It hurts SO good!
Go through a painful separation/reconciliation/divorce. I've dropped 55 pounds that way, and am just now getting to the lawyers in earnest! Just forget to eat until your head starts to spin. Then grab a few kit kat bars. Actually lite strawberry yogurt with a few real strawberries thrown in can curb a lot of hunger pangs as can whey protein.
I can just see you working for Weight Watchers!
You are killing me!
Don't eat like a pig?
That's how I lost weight too, I just stopped eating so much fucking food.

Rated for realism, and for those size fucking four jeans I'm wearing because I followed this amazing diet.
This is hilarious and dead-on right.

There used to be a bakery in Malibu---French in nature. I cannot remember its name. It had these almond pastries. My god, my mouth is watering as I type. Really, think almonds and flaky, BUTTERY dough.

At the time, we were staying in an apartment that was within jogging distance of the bakery. I'd jog there, get a pastry, and eat as much as I could before passing the first trash can in the parking lot---at which point, I'd toss the balance.

On more than one day, I stood just shy of the trash can stuffing chucks of pastry into my mouth. Attractive.
I've banned the word "diet" from use around me from my mother-in-law...almost 30 years she's "been on a diet". Oh really, then where is all the bread on the table? I think she got the hint one day when she hugged me and said for the 8 zillionth time, "You're so skinny."
"No, actually I've gained some weight, but not as much as you."

Rated and looking forward to the snacking in Vegas!
Yeah I'm with you--eat A LOT LESS AND MOVE EVERYDAY. I didn't put on this 40 pounds by eating less, lemme tell you. I slept all the time and ate like a pig. I'm getting on it now! Thanks for the encouragement!
I have just found the best diet ever. I recently was prescribed hydrocodone by a doctor for a procedure that I underwent. It completely kills my appetite and it's way fun. A couple of these and strong drink and the last thing I want is food. I have eaten practically nothing in the last four days. Unfortunately, I am going to run out to my diet meds in the next few days. Boy, am I going to miss them.

For what it's worth the best diet pill ever!!!!

Highly recommended and rated1

I’m so not joking!!!!
You see a correlation between Fatness and Conservatism? OK, my next question is: which party does Frito-Lay donate to? ("Just potatoes, a dash of salt, and some Xzorbitine 80.") Altho Ted Kennedy should be like a Reichsfuhrer if the theory holds salt--I mean, water. (Burp.)
My Free Sex Offender Report shows they've lost 30% of their value since last September. Dammit!!
I just did the "Animate" thing...HOLY CRAP!!!!
I used to do a diet of not consuming more than 1100 calories in a day. I felt great! I didn't eat meat or sugar or well... much of anything. But then I got married to a man who wanted meat just meat. Plenty of meat. Now I feel kind of gross. Kind of meaty. He recently found a restaurant that is an all you can eat meat buffet. I call it a meat bar. I'm not going. That is not my idea of a romanic dinner. Nope.

Just throw it away. I'm taking that advice and running with it. But not too far or too fast because then that might be considered exercise and I don't want to throw the national statistics off you know.
Genius post! And this works too! I lost a ton of weight just eating half of something and cutting portions. People were always shocked when they asked how I lost weight and I replied that I ate less and moved more. sheesh
I wouldn't have clicked on the title, except that it was attached to your avatar. Funny! Exercise is the key for me (but then I've always had a pretty healthy diet - it's wine and lack of exercise that pack on the pounds).
"I stopped fucking eating so goddamned much, that's how."

I wanted to stand up in the middle of the movie theater today and say that VERY thing to the 60 obese people in their Denise.

I watch EVERY thing I put in to my mouth and that's how I keep my weight steady. I exercise because I'm able to and I know, I know, I KNOW not everyone can exercise. But everyone can limit the quantity of food they put into their mouths.

I tried to give my suggestions on dietary change, but all I got out of it was called a "fatty hater". WTF does that even mean?
I hate NO ONE. If you take an hour and a half to post on how to help people change their eating habits, chances are you're a loving person.

Booyah! Right on, sister! Only way I lose weight, too; that and exercise (but once you're fat, it's hard to move all that extra weight). I was skinnier just drinking, but people insisted I was going to die without eating, and now, 30 lbs. later, I'll probably croak from a heart attack just waddling to the liquor store!

Having never dieted much and just exercised more, I will say my weight hasn't gone up and down as much as my diet-loving mother's and did not balloon out of illogical control until I tried lithium for peri-menopausal moodiness. 30 lbs. later I realized why the ads in "People" alternate between diet pills and antidepressants. Decided I'd rather be moody than a sequel to "The Blob." But now I have to take twice as many walks to the liquor store to try to get those pounds off! I suppose I should start jogging to a store farther way. It's the little things that help.

Fabbo! Loved the map connection. Truer visuals were never spoken. Thanks!
You have it half right. Stop eating so damn much. But seriously? (And I'm a mom of four, an RN and a weight loss coach, so I take this...seriously) you are getting shit for nutrition. A latte is shit. Where the hell is the protein, the varied fruits and vegies, the complex carbs?

Don't eat so damn much. But next winter, when you are sicker than a damn dog because you fed your body shit, all in the interest of not making yourself eat foods that actually NOURISH your body, you will wish you'd been a little more willing to tell it that it really wanted them.

That's the secret: don't say "I should" or "I ought to" or "I have to." Say "I will" and "I want to."

Congrats on the weight loss. Now give yourself some damned nutrition.
"Get it off your ass" is good, but lots of people also just need to get off their ass, period. When I moved to Turkey 9 years ago, I was wearing 38 jeans and pushing 40. Now I'm 36, sometimes 34. It goes 34 when I stay off my ass. :) I read all these articles about how Americans eat too much of this and that (It's always interesting to see what new substance is deemed taboo on visits back to the it carbs? is it fat?). But HEL-LO, it's a country where people get in the car to go to the corner grocery (if there is one - more often than not there's nothing in walking distance). Here I walk all the time, and it does the job. Gee, imagine what would happen if I stopped fucking eating so goddamned much too!
Late to the party but a wonderful post. Although I do agree with the person who said you needed more nourishment. Forget the bourbon and add in a little more protein and vegies:)

Someone once said to me that nothing tastes as good as thin feels.

I know I will get shit for that, but you can stop eating too much and exercise more (both of which I do) and still eat what you want on occasion. Yes, smaller portions, absolutely.

Funny, clever. Happy 4th.
Good luck. I've lost 8 pounds -- trying -- in the past month by doing all the right things we "nutrition-y" types advocate: Carbs for energy, eating breakfast, keeping the fat intake low and exercising (which does not cause increased muscle mass and therefore more weight). I'll check back in a few months. I bet you're 25 pounds heavier than when you started trying not to lose weight, and I'm light and healthy.
Ok, I'll try it...but not until Monday. If it works can I be on your infomercial?
Gee, I have a better one. I lost 30 lbs in 3 months....I called it 'the moving diet'.....I moved into my new home...packed up EVERYTHING I had stashed, squished and buried from the past 30 years, wrapped and SWEAT like a wart hog! I sweat and sweat some more as I moved things large and small.....I drank gallons of ice water with an orange squeezed in....I forgot to eat because I was too busy packing, wrapping and sweating.....I took cold showers, grabbed half sandwiches when I remembered to make them, drank more and sweat the time I moved I was dumbfounded....I had lost 30 lbs, not thought about food once and had a new place for all my old crap. Do I recommend this diet??? NO but it works. It was hell...moving always is but if you have to do it, do it well. I promise you that food will be the last thing on your mind...especially if you do it in the dead of summer.
Genius - I love it! Could have written it myself minus the bourbon -
gives me the bloat so the scale looks good even though the clothes don't fit right *sigh*
Chocolate is a more important component, nutritionally. Rated.
Fantastic! And my wife thought it was hysterical too, Very, very good.
This is very interesting. However, without either credentials or the TV appearance of authority, I have trouble taking your advice seriously. Furthermore, I find advice more valuable if I'm forced to pay more for it. Yours is free and, therefore, worthless. Now, if you can found the "SFESGDM Research Institute," maybe get an honorary nutrition PhD from a Granada university, and charge me $700 or more for an inspiring seminar retreat, maybe I'll take your advice seriously. Also, a photo with you wearing glasses and a lab coat would be a good idea. Your naivete amazes me. Simple advice is for simpletons.
I think I found that 17 lbs you's living on my thighs now. I'd be happy to return it free of charge.
Too funny. I too lost about 20 lbs on the Stop Fucking Eating So Goddamned Much Diet and found that people actually seemed disappointed when they would ask me how I lost the weight and I would answer: "I stopped eating everything I could see and started exercising." (The Stop Fucking Eating So Goddamned Much Diet alone doesn't work for me anymore now that I'm on the dark side of 45!) People were genuinely pissed that I wasn't going to offer them a magic bullet and that I even hard the nerve to admit that it was hard work to lose the weight! they really believe that if I had a magic bullet, I would still be toiling away at my day job?! :-)
Oops...that's "had the nerve" not "hard the nerve". But you knew that...
Oh. My. Hell! This is the funniest thing I've ever read. Most of us know what makes us tip the scales and if you're like me, I like to push it just to the limit before I tell myself "enough". I know perfectly well what I need to eat to lose or just maintain my weight. Do I comply. Hell no! It's cliche, but I am what I eat. Awesome post!!
And here I was about to blame it all on the fact that I moved from a lesser fat state (PA), to a big fat state (TN). Thanks for making me smile.
Good, funny post, Verbal.

And the diet worked for me several times. My problem was that I got off of it each time I hit my goal. Today I still try it but as you get older your metabolism slows even more and my illness allows virtually no exercise, so I don't lose much, but little by little I am getting there.

But your diet is very close to the one I called my Secret Diet. When asked what was the key I would say: SHUT YOUR MOUTH!

And that is still the key.