Verbal Remedy AKA Denise

Verbal Remedy AKA Denise
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Del Mar, California, The One That's In A State Of Steep Decline
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January 18
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Columnist, http://www.doesthismakesense.com
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Much preferred to the alternative.
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Born. Grew up. Kept growing up. Started growing older. Still at both the growing up and growing older. Stay tuned.

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FEBRUARY 12, 2010 7:29PM

To All The Boys I've Loved Before...

Rate: 46 Flag

bittersweet-hearts

I still love you, you know.

Every one of you.

No matter what.

No matter how it ended.

The love just changed shape.

No matter how painful or welcome, or how great a relief or wistful or sad or bittersweet or bitter or desperate or tragic or quiet or resigned or angry or confused our parting.

Before the last goodbye, there was a beginning and there was a middle and there was a nearly-the-end, and we loved each other.

During all of those (minutes/hours/days/weeks/months/years), I loved you as best I could. You loved me as best you could.

So it didn't last forever...so what?

You became part of me when I loved you. 

That doesn't change.

Ever.


You will always have a room in my heart.

There are bedrooms there (painted the exact color of your eyes when you smile) overflowing with satin and gauze and candles and perfume and oil and chocolate and honey and down.   

There are living rooms stuffed with well worn furniture, soft worn-out slippers, comfortable blankets, dog-eared books.

There are sunrooms drenched in daylight with wide open windows, wisping in gentle, soft breezes.

There are darkrooms full of half-remembered images where the most fragile stay in hiding.

There are kitchens that nourish and sustain.

And there are unexplored rooms, probably entire undiscovered hallways, possibly other hidden wings. I am quite sure there is no map.


I wish for you all a beautiful Valentine's Day, spent in a way that makes you happy, with somebody who loves you.

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Comments

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Revenge or humiliation/laughter, feh.

I apparently failed the secret classes in "breaking up badly."
That's beautiful, Verbal. Beautiful. Yes, there are rooms in my heart, even for all the ones that went badly in the end. Thanks so much for writing this.
If this is not romantic egalitarianism, I don't know what is.
Clever, well done, rated.
Beautifully expressed. I've always thought there's more to a relationship than the way it ends.
This is wonderful. And so true. We are not untouched by those we have loved. Nice job.
I had to laugh not at your beautiful words and loving remembrances but at what the rooms that would be for my lost loves had in them, booze, drugs and darkness...well shit...I like your rooms much better!
No maps... no, there isn't is there. I love your posts... as always VR. Happy Valentines to you.
I am right there with you. I get this.
The image of those rooms is very lovely, Verbal. This is such a beautiful way to remember these relationships, and I would guess, allow them to still inform your life.
as i think you've said before, bitterness has been so done before. great piece. sweetie!
Thank you, everybody. Especially since this is a year without a Valentine, it's the only way I could participate in the spirit. :-)
I have some boys from my past I still treasure for little things (or big ones--har/har!). I'd like to think I've touched a few of their hearts the way they've touched mine though we didn't end up together.

Lovely post. Thanks!
I like this way of thinking about old relationships. They ARE an important part of us, so it makes sense that the love would still remain. Bitterness never helps anything. Happy Valentine's Day, Ms. Remedy.
Yes.... Love does change shape, doesn't it? Thank you for recognizing this and pointing it out so beautifully.
I like this SO much better than revenge. They are all lucky to have been loved by you.
I have one word for this, Verbal. Magnificent. xoxo
This is totally beautiful. Heartfelt and lovely and ...for me too... very much true. Still, don't feh all the revenge/laughter posts, at least not mine. heh

You'll like this one, I promise.
You are so lucky to be able to feel and write this so beautifully. Many of us can't get to that place. We just forget.
We have your Valentine here at OS.....because you are OUR sweetheart.
I'm so glad I read this! What you say is so true. I never knew my heart had all those corners...
Best one I've read. Well done. Bookmarked and rated.
I'm very jealous - when I leave 'em I guess I do a seriously good job of it.
What, no list? No photos, to quote George Harrison, "It's a drag"
I think you went into my soul and captured my attitude about lost love. You rock. Rated.
You are a gentle soul. Keep it that way.
This is so quintessentially you, My Darling...and so fortunate each was to have romped through those rooms with you.
You are a gracious and warm innkeeper. Clear the dust and cobwebs from another room and prepare it for occupancy.
-rated-
I really like this one! Even ones who were painful to get over will forever stay in my heart. They helped make me who I am, provided clarity as to what I want in life. All good lessons (even though sometimes painful ones). And good times are good times. Pretending they didn't happen or that they didn't mean anything only belittle the experience. It's a good message you are spreading here!
I am glad you failed those bad breakup classes. This is lovely.
There is something almost heroic in even trying. So to hold tight to whatever made it worth a try -- well, that is very understandable.
Not to go all textual analysis on you, but I'm noticing the big contradiction between the sentiments in the post and the candy-heart messages. This just makes it all the more interesting to me!
Really lovely, Verbal. You certainly have a better soul than I.
Wonderful. We never lose what we've once loved.
Verbal, this post says so much about what makes you so wonderful. You said something true that is gorgeous and exactly as it was with me in my three divorces and multiple break ups before Dan. Somehow, I was left with a permanent appreciation of who each of them had been for me and I for them.

Something about the failure of our relationships taught me what I needed to know about persistence of those things that are most beautiful, and ultimately, most sacred.
Well done, VR. This is beautiful . . . the idea of being able to look back with such love and serenity is powerful in itself . . . and the imagery is so very appropos.
To long lost loves! Beautiful!
I think this is true for me too. Love enters us and stays even if we hardly remember the names. It is better than Omega Fish Oils for the heart. The heart has as you say, many rooms. Rated.