I swore I was finished with online dating, but unfortunately, meeting people organically simply isn’t happening.
Wait. What’s that, you say? Maybe I should sign-up for that co-ed softball team, or take a class at the local community college as a way of meeting people? Meh. I have no interest in such things. Besides, who has the time to commit to a team? The convenient thing about online dating is I can check out profiles at the crack of dawn while I’m still in my pajamas and having my morning coffee.
So, about a week ago, or so, I came across this really cute guy’s profile. Very witty and clever. At one point, he surmised that Disney’s Aladdin would probably have difficulty getting green lighted in post-9/11 America. That made me laugh out loud and I messaged him to tell him I thought what he said was funny. As soon as I hit send, I received a message from him. Turns out, by a fluke, we were checking each other out simultaneously. We exchanged a few emails and it wasn’t very long before he asked me out. I deliberated for a long moment before accepting his invitation. He actually wanted to meet that evening, but I couldn’t, so we planned for the following week. Unlike that last guy I had plans with, this one confirmed the date with me the night before and also touched base with me the day of. Nice.
We met at a local neighborhood lounge. He was very tall, slender and uniquely good looking. Drinks in hand, we retired to a cozy corner and launched into an engaging conversation. He was incredibly smart. Like, super smart. His personality, though, was much more subdued in person than it was in our online and texting chats. Nevertheless, the date was going well. In time, he made physical contact by placing his hand on the small of my back and giving me a little rub down. I have to admit, I liked the way the weight of his hand felt against my back, but I was also a few drinks in, so I’m sure that contributed to the warm, fuzzy feeling I had going on.
He asked me if I’d like to go for a walk. This is when he made his move and kissed me. I have to say, he was quite a good kisser and I could feel my cheeks flush and a tingling warmth slowly begin to radiate from various body parts. Clearly, a bit of privacy was in order, so we drove to a dimly lit street and made out. It’d been awhile since I had a good make out and it was fun and steaming up the windows in his car on a dark street felt kind of naughty and forbidden. When he dropped me off at my car, he asked me out again. I readily accepted.
But here’s the tiny, little, baby caveat.
I have been approached by men in their twenties before, but never, had I the inclination to go that route. I mean, the last time I dated a guy in his twenties, I was in my twenties. Most of my single girlfriends date, or have dated, men that age, but they’re in their mid-thirties, so it’s not such a huge age chasm. But we’re talking a twenty-year difference with this guy. He’s young enough to be my son. I have a nephew that age. I was already married by the time I was twenty-six, you know what I mean? But this time, for some reason, I thought, why not? Life is short and I’ve been in such a dating slump and I thought maybe this would pull me out of it. Going out with a twenty-six year-old was something I could scratch off my bucket list—if I had a bucket list.
The dinner portion of our second date was quite enjoyable. I took him to my favorite sushi place. It was when we went back to my place when things took an awkward turn. We made out, which was fine, but I allowed things to progress further and this is where the age difference really became glaringly clear for me. He was very excited about getting me naked and into my bed. Problem was, I could not, for the life of me, get out of my head. Certainly, there was the primal part of me that wanted to devour this kid, but my head simply wasn’t gonna let it happen. So, while he’s moaning and all over me, I thought about my daughter:
Hey, O, this is my new boyfriend. He’s only 11 years older than you! Listen, while I fix us some dinner, you two can play Mario Kart!
I thought about possible post-coital activities:
I can read him a bedtime story after we have sex.
I thought about bringing him to a social event with my more age appropriate friends:
I think they have a kid’s table, maybe you’ll be more comfortable over there?
The other unfortunate thing was, he was fairly sexually inexperienced. Remember how fumbling and awkward Benjamin was with Mrs. Robinson? Like that, but more so. Frankly, I don’t have the patience. I don’t mind telling a guy what I like and how I like it, but I’m not interested in mentoring someone, know what I mean? The whole thing was over in less than twenty minutes and let's just say, it was rather unsatisfying; although he seemed to enjoy it very much. Enough to ask me out again, anyway.
On our first date, one of the first things I asked was, why was a young man like him was going out with a woman of my age? He told me he always got on well with older women and that his most recent girlfriend of two years was thirty-eight. Now, I realize that age is relative and that there are definitely people out there enjoying successful May-December relationships. I mean, who am I to judge? To each his own, right?
For myself, though, there’s a big difference between dating Generation Y and dating Generation Zygote. Indeed he is a highly intelligent young man, in that book smart, well-educated kind of way, but his knowledge of 70’s and 80’s pop culture is gleaned entirely from watching Nick at Nite and truth-be-told, that just doesn’t cut it for a girl like me. And as far as life experience goes, he doesn’t have much under his belt, and it’s those life experiences that shape us and add depth to who we are. As much as I want to be able to relate to someone on an intellectual level, more importantly, I need to connect with someone emotionally, spiritually, and sexually. I ultimately want a well-balanced, mutual, equal partnership, and for me, that will only happen with someone closer to my age.
Do I regret having dated a much younger man? Certainly not. Having had that experience brought me back to myself and reminded me what I really want and that, is a very good thing indeed.