After a six-month, self-imposed dating hiatus, I decided it was time to get my feet wet again and reactivate my online dating account. So, I totally gutted and updated my profile.
This time, my goal was to make it brief and witty. Brief, because experience has taught me a lot of men have short attention spans. I even posted a cute new profile pic.
And you know what?
My new profile is royally tanking. (Sort of like how, when Daffy Duck tries to compete with Bugs Bunny and Bugs puts in minimal effort and brings down the house, while Daffy works his ass off and is rewarded with the lonely sound of crickets echoing in the empty auditorium.)
I needed an expert opinion and fast, so I forwarded a copy of my OKC profile to our brilliant OS friend, James Mark Emmerling. His exact words were: “Jesus, woman, you are terrifying. Verbal. A verbal chick.”
He went on to say, via a private message:
“You are an intelligent gentleman's delight of a gal. Mouthy, smart as a whip (men love to be whipped), immensely emotionally intelligent, sexually uninhibited, but, as they say, "putting your pearls before swine". Write what it is like to be a post-feminist. The feminists rule the airwaves. They have a dim view of men. But you? You are one of that rare breed of wimmin that actually LIKE men. this is an unusual thing. Consult the great and humble (haw)
Now, James, I know, would never want me to dumb myself down, but then James is also one of those intelligent gentlemen who delights in a girl like me.
On the other hand, we have my my friend, Tony, the most testosterone driven man I have ever known, who advised me to don a push-up bra and heels and post a sexy photo of myself in order to snare a date. “Men are visual creatures,” he said, matter-of-factly, after taking a drag on his cigarette.
So, is that the ticket to meeting someone? Dolling myself up and dumbing myself down?
Really? I can’t just be who I am? I’m starting to think maybe not.
I’m discovering a lot of these guys-- who purport their desire for a smart, down-to-earth, funny, no drama girl, who’s happy with her life and has relatively little baggage-- don’t really want that. Well, maybe they want that, they just want it in a hot little package to boot.
Maybe Tony’s right about guys being visual creatures. Maybe this is why so many of the guys I message check out my profile, but take it no further. I’m not their cup of tea visually, so they move on. (Which is a shame, actually, because in person, I’m so much cuter. I’m one of those unfortunate souls who doesn’t photograph well. I don’t know how many times I’ve met someone and was told I’m not only much prettier in real life, but also look much younger.)
But maybe James is right, too. I don’t need a man to complete me and I don’t need someone else to make me happy. I’ve already got that covered. Perhaps, secretly, some men want a damsel they can rescue, someone to make them feel manly and needed. Maybe they fear a confident woman. Maybe they fear they won’t measure up. I dunno.
What I do know is the guy for me will be my equal, sometimes even my rival. He’ll challenge me and call me out on my shit. He’ll at times, knock me off my high horse. He’ll push me to my limit because he’ll know I’m letting fear hold me back. He’ll inspire me to be a better version of myself. He will take charge in the bedroom, but just long enough to unleash my inner animal. He will be turned on by my intelligence and will match my sarcastic wit.
By the way, if this man actually exists, I have a feeling, I won’t be meeting him online.