One evening, as I managed my way through the crowded bar at Birds in Hollywood, this guy stopped me and asked if anyone had ever told me I looked like Maya Rudolph. “No,” I said, not sure how I felt about being compared to Maya Rudolph. Not that I think she’s unattractive, I just didn’t see the resemblance. Anyway, I must have been doing that furrowed brow thing I do sometimes because then he asked, “You know who she is, right?”
“Uh… yeah,” I replied indignantly, not even bothering to mask my irritation.
A minute later, as I stood in the ridiculously long queue for the single toilet, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror hanging on the wall across from me. I scrutinized my face. Maya Rudolph? Really?
When I told my best guy friend, Tony, about this unfounded Maya Rudolph comparison, Tony opined, “She’s hot.”
“Oh, yeah. For sure.”
Since when is Maya Rudolph hot? I don’t know about you, but whenever I’ve heard guys talk about who they think is hot, they usually drop names like Meagan Fox and Olivia Wilde, not Maya Rudolph.
So, back in the day, before there was a Starbucks on every corner, I worked as a barista at a little place called Jennifer’s Coffee Connection in Studio City, California. It was the kind of place where, like Cheers, everybody knew your name. I met some of my closest friends at Jennifer’s and after I quit working there, I joined the ranks of regulars. It’s how I started my day, everyday.
Through the OS community, I have reconnected with one of the diehard Jennifer's regulars. This old friend has grown quite nostalgic and melancholy over those Jennifer’s days of yore, when he’d sit at the bar in the late afternoon and wax philosophic, talk politics, religion, or sex with me, or his favorites, the feisty fraternal twins, K and K.
In one of our more recent OS communications, he asked me if I remembered when Paul Thomas Anderson had the hots for me. (Yes, that Paul Thomas Anderson. This was a few years before Magnoila hit the movie theaters.) Well, I had absolutely no recollection of PTA having the hots for me. No, he did not, I wrote back. My friend insisted it was true. Oh, yes, he did. He liked you a lot, but you were also married at the time, so maybe you didn't pick up on it. The twins wouldn’t even bother waiting on PTA because he only wanted to talk to you. They used to get really annoyed by it. Surely my friend was mistaken. Besides, this was like, twenty years ago. I couldn’t even remember what Paul Thomas Anderson looked like.
I decided to IMDB him, figuring it might jog my memory. The face was definitely familiar, but you know what’s really funny? Paul Thomas Anderson is married to Maya Rudolph! So, maybe it’s not so far fetched that someone thinks I resemble Maya Rudolph, or that Paul Thomas Anderson may have been attracted to me, after all, people are usually attracted to a particular type.
It's really too bad I was married, because maybe I would have been Mrs. Paul Thomas Anderson. Sigh.