Senator Steve Fielding of Australia is not in favour of gay marriage. Stevie is the leader of the Family First party, which exists to protect this fragile and endangered institution. Faggots and dykes obviously have no place in the party because they have no families - as is well known, they are created on other planets by some mysterious agamogenesis and then beamed down from alien spacecraft to lurk among us. They masquerade as human beings whilst ceaselessly hatching dastardly plots to destroy masculinity, marriage and family, and everything that you and I hold sacred. Fact: every time two shit-stabbers are permitted to tie the knot, four hundred and seventy three straight couples file for divorce as a direct consequence. This in turn leads to binge drinking, erectile dysfunction, child abuse, increased incidence of the word ‘fuck’ on the telly, and Gok Wan.

But why are you listening to me? Senator Steve is a master rhetorician, and he puts the case against same-sex marriage far more eloquently and elegantly than I could hope to:

''A bloke cannot marry his brother; it is not right. A woman cannot marry their sister; it is not right. A bloke cannot marry a bloke because it is not right, and a female cannot marry a female because it is not right. I don't support this.''

Pwned, all you supporters of godless faggotry!