"Oh you betcha."

EPISODES 1-2  “PIT BULL”

In the opening scene, our hero, Sarah Palin, gets a phone call from an old guy.  Cut to Palin thrust into the limelight as the candidate for Vice President of the United States.  She begins her attempt to make “thanks but no thanks” a catchphrase by saying it in her speech for the first of 1,000,005 times.

EPISODE 3 - “ABSTINENCE MAKES THE HEART GROW FONDER”

The pro-abstinence Palins reveal one of their daughters is five months’ pregnant.  Fortunately, it's the oldest one.  After the Republican National Convention, the Palins and an unwilling son-in-law-to-be, comically played by Levi Johnston, are whisked out of the limelight.

EPISODE 4-5 – “PROFILES IN COURIC”

Sarah, having gone through the extensive “presidential training”, emerges for a series of interviews with Katie Couric.  She shows off her comic chops by claiming to know about Russia because of its proximity to Alaska.  Another Couric interview reveals Sarah reading “most of them” when asked what magazines she has been reading.  A video is released showing Sarah having hands laid on her during a church service with a wacky pastor praying that she is saved from witchcraft. 

EPISODE 6 – “CAN I CALL YOU JOE?”

Sarah goes head-to-head with Joe Biden and, to the thrill of the country, doesn’t suck.  Some lines - "say it ain't so, Joe" - stink a mile away.

EPISODE 7 – “PALLING AROUND WITH TERRORISTS”

Sensing that “thanks but no thanks” isn’t catching on, Sarah whips out “palling around with terrorists”, a phrase aimed at Presidential candidate Barack Obama.  The full impact of her message is blunted by another video of Sarah, this time addressing the Alaskan Independence Party, and a hilarious scheme called Troopergate.  Comic Betty White drops by to call Sarah a “crazy bitch.”

EPISODE 8 – “PUCK THIS”

Sarah stops by a hockey game and gets booed.  Comic John Cleese stops by to talk about the McCain/Palin ticket: “You already wouldn’t find five percent [of the leaders in Europe] who think she’s good enough to run the United States, and here she is, running with a 72-year-old cancer survivor.  Monty Python could have written this.”

EPISODE 9 – “CLOTHES MINDED”

Just when things appear to have calmed down a little, the report on Sarah’s wardrobe comes out – some reports suggesting that $150,000 went into the making the maybe VP look presidential.  And just when that calms down, people start yelling the N-word at her rallies.  And just when that calms down, Sarah is pranked by Canadian disc jockeys.  And just when that calms down, mumblings from inside the McCain/Palin campaign suggest Sarah has “gone rogue” and is impossible to work with.  And just when that calms down, Sarah does an interview in front of turkeys being butchered.

EPISODE 10 – “THANKS BUT NO THANKS”

McCain/Palin loses the election.

EPISODE 11-12 – “DID YOU HEAR THE ONE ABOUT…?”

It’s a new year and Sarah has a full plate in this special two-parter.  Her legislature in Alaska doesn’t seem to like her as much, as if she had burned a few bridges to nowhere during the autumn.  Her ex-son-in-law-to-be makes the rounds on talk shows about his child with Sarah’s child.  David Letterman makes a joke.  Margaret Cho makes a joke.  Wanda Sykes makes a joke.

EPISODE 13 – “BOOK DEAL”

In the barely emotional season closer, Sarah quits as governor of Alaska.  It is suggested by her followers and fans that she may be taking time to work on her book.  Sarah dashed those dreams not by failing to write, but writing plenty, on the governor’s website:

“Our destiny to be reached by responsibly developing our natural resources.  This land, blessed with clean air, water, wildlife, minerals, AND oil and gas.  It’s energy!  God gave us energy.”

In the final scene, a Democratic think tank starts praying for Sarah to run for president.  According to a representative, "All we have to say to the American people is: she quit on Alaska, how long before she quits on you?  It's a good angle - and it's true.  Yippee!!!!!"

- Vincent Truman

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