Oh, yeah. Hot organic farmers, oh wait, we better capitalize that. Hot Organic Farmers. That’s better. Hot Organic Farmers are probably a sign of the Apocalypse, if for no other reason than the list of hotties includes Michelle Obama.

Maybe I’m a closet Republican but…Michelle isn’t a farmer AND (this is the clincher in my book) she doesn’t even have an organic garden! For reasons that escape me, the Hot Organic White House Garden was fertilized by sludge. Uh, effluvia. Okay, poop. And…prepare for a shock…someone, perhaps her husband’s Organic Czar, discovered, by some mysterious means, possibly involving national security agencies and their Hot Organic testing capabilities, that the poop contained e coli. Quelle surprise! So the Hot Organic White House Garden was discontinued.

That means that Michelle Obama’s first foray into the world of Hot Organic Gardening was cut short by a teensy error in fertilizer. Yes, it was Hot Organic Fertilizer, but it was still deadly fertilizer. If that doesn’t disqualify the woman from the 2009 Hot Organic Farmer Contest, I don’t know what would.

But we still have photos of other Hot Organic Gardeners. Thank goodness.

Daniel Paduano has groves of avocado and citrus trees. His photo shows him kneeling in his khakis and polo shirt, outside a fenced off field, pulling grass. Maybe it was non-organic grass. Or worse, it might have been GMO grass and Daniel was worried about a potential Monsanto lawsuit. Whatever Daniel’s reason, it was nice to see a casually well dressed man, on his hands and knees, pulling grass before it crept into his avocado/citrus groves.

Stacy Brenner is shown, in her puffer vest, holding two “adorable baby sheep.” Maybe you would call them lambs. I would. I truly believe that when it’s beddy-by time at Broadturn Farm Stacy curls up naked in a bottle of Dr Bronner’s Hemp Eucalyptus. Nothing else could explain the aura of wholesome American Farm Goodness that surrounds her.

Mike Irving is shown carrying a peck, or a bushel, or some other giant measure of what looks like green onions grown next to a nuclear reactor. I’ll guess that they’re leeks. The look of grim determination on his face to hold onto way more produce than a tiny guy ought to tote, until the shot is over, ought to at least get him some mercy votes.

Then there’s Jim Dunlop. If I could pry Rebecca Thistlethwaite off of him, his work gloves, tee shirt, and the drill under his arm, combined with his rugged not-good-looks-but-adequate-testosterone face, would cause me to vote for his Organic Farming Hotness.

Head on over to: Hot Organic Farmers: Pick the Cutest Organic Farmers. You can vote for the Cutest Organic Farmer, rate Hot Organic Cuties, share your Hot Organic Cuties or leave a comment.

This makes two stories from Huffington Post that I’ve used to illustrate signs of the apocalypse. I’m not implying anything, heaven forfend! But Hot Organic Farmers? If that’s not a sign of the apocalypse, then somebody at Huffington Post is on the fast track to a Shallow Twits Award.

October 13, 2009