It was the 1990s and death was the furthest thing from my mind.  Who was this man?  The Michigan doctor who was charged with murder for helping terminally ill patients take their own lives? At the time, I wrote him off as being a clown in a media circus, but now, being older and wiser, I realize Dr. Jack Kevorkian was right all along.

By shedding light on end-of-life care and medically-assisted suicide, Dr. Kevorkian brought the subject of death and dying into our collective consciousness. His actions should have been the catalyst for deeper discussions about death and dying, but instead he spent time in prison for murder and I went on with my carefree life.

I never expected Dr. Kevorkian’s actions to have such a profound impact on me, but as the years went by I was faced with the terminal illness of my loved ones, and I finally realized what all of the fuss was about.

When my mother was diagnosed with end-stage emphysema in 2003, it was her decision to die at home, surrounded by loved ones, the family dog, and by everything that brought her comfort. She was officially placed under Hospice care, which turned out to be a unique and memorable experience for my family.

But what if my Mom had asked me to help her end her life?  What if she got tired of the panic attacks? Of not being able to breathe? Who am I to deny her? Would I have had the courage to do it? She never asked. But I will never forget the day my Dad wheeled her to the front door to see all of the Christmas decorations he put up early, just for her. She said, calmly, “I can’t see,” as if that was a normal thing. We realized the end was near. I prayed to the morphine god for a quick and painless death, and I was with my mother when she died. It was an intimate moment between mother and daughter, not unlike a birth – beautiful yet painful all at once.

I experienced a similar situation just two months ago. My grandmother, the person closest to me for the past 41 years, stopped breathing one day, and she was intubated and put on life support, which was against her wishes. A family drama ensued but ultimately her wishes were granted for palliative, end-of-life care. She died peacefully with me and my two aunts by her side.

Two of my favorite movies explore the themes brought up by Dr. Kevorkian: One True Thing and The Sea Inside. In these films the main characters deal with their situations differently, but are ultimately seeking the same thing – to die with dignity, under their own terms.  Meryl Streep’s performance made me question many things, and Javier Bardem’s powerful portrayal of Ramon Sampedro, a Spaniard who fought for 30 years for his right to die, was mesmerizing.

I’m grateful to Dr. Kevorkian for being a pioneer and a man who stood up for what he believed in. Thanks to him, I see things differently now. I realize I have a choice.

If you were faced with a debilitating illness, how would you choose to die?