hi all.. there are lots of colorful "characters" writing candidly here on OS - many which might be labelled "freaks" by the not-so-intellectually flexible, aka intolerant-- and occasionally do so in the comments. this candid writing is surely one of the big draws for OS and blogging in general. heres a post by Sirenita on her 23-yr open marriage complete with a photo of her recent lover-du-jour. it seems maybe not a coincidence she lives in SF, CA. this was an EP and has gotten about 4k hits in 3 days and massive feedback/comments. impressive! thanks to her & the editors for breaking the ice on OS on the topic, so to speak.

http://open.salon.com/blog/sirenitalake/2009/06/05/why_i_hate_monogamy

there are many other women who have been writing about their marital struggles on OS wrt monogamy/[sexual] fidelity, including the remarkable post, "what it feels like in a sexless marriage", also a very popular post with zillions of hits.

ok, time to come out of the closet for me. a little crack anyway. Ive been studying open relationship information for many, many years. coincidentally, I think one of the the 1st articles I read on it as a "movement" was published in Salon. [I believe it was from late 90s, but I cant find it with google-- maybe salon doesnt have archives that far back online.] the internet really has "opened" the door on writing about alternative lifestyles.

there is a term "polyamory", I dont know who invented it. after many yrs of personal research & finetuning my own ideas about relationships, life, etc.. its the closest Ive come to what I espouse intellectually/ theoretically/ ideally. alas, I have found I cannot practice it practically, and my biological clock sort of ran out. as the old saying goes, "life is what happens while you're making other plans". the details are best left to another post, if ever....

the shortest defn on wikipedia is "consensual, ethical, or responsible non-monogamy"

 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polyamory

I define polyamory very loosely as anything other than [serial] monogamy, ie nonmonogamy, with "full disclosure", and I think thats generally how Ive seen it applied in its usages. its generally applied to long lasting, emotionally connected relationships.

anyway the short story for me is that I have a 6yr significant other who is very emphatically against the idea. however, she is, in part, erotically vigorous, shall we say. as a sort of compromise, we have watched many sexy movies together that skirt on the issue of polyamory. we usually talk about our opinions/reactions afterwards and its almost always illuminating and intellectually stimulating. sometimes its a trick to discuss them without getting into an argument, esp those from the male-centric Yang view. as another outlet for me, I read many books & articles on the subject, but dont necessarily discuss them.

how did I find these? many diverse paths, not easy to summarize. some were from the memory of my significant other's past & we re-watched them together. netflix, which Ive used for maybe 4 yrs or more, is very good for surfing & finding "related" movies. also, Ive been using Redbox vending machines in the last year or so, which surprisingly can have some very sexy and adult-themed movies. some from my memory, some from watching previews on related movies. some from media campaigns for new releases, although rarely.

* * *

polyamory reminds me of fame and fortune. many legends, intense human desire surrounds it. the concept is probably as ancient as humanity and glimpses of it are in famous, deep literature and mythology. many greek legends allude to it. it seems to penetrate to the heart of the human condition in a similar way. I would argue, any story about unrequited love, a common and universal theme of human art/ expression/ desire, tends to touch on the subject of polyamory.

but it seems, what is called the bane of "scarcity" in economics intervenes.  there are many more "wannabes" and poseurs than those actually "just doing it". I think its a real rarity in the Real World.

hollywood tends to portray sex and destruction/ death together. a common theme is "spectacular exploding relationship catastrophes" with nonmonogamy the trigger event. hollywood has always been obsessed with explosions!! the joke is that they also happen in chick flicks, except with the relationships!! and what are most soap operas about, anyway?? it appears monogamy and warnings against polyamory is deeply ingrained into cultural memes going back centuries, even millenia.

an astrologer I knew taught me that the energy of sex is ruled byScorpio and Pluto. I have *never* seen a happy ending for a polyamorous relationship in hollywood even after watching tons of movies. what usually happens is either the destruction of a/the relationship altogether or the return to monogamy with nonmonogamy portrayed as an aberration. I cant deny that this is mostly realistic. [but it would be very nice to see a polyamorous Happily Ever After ending...] I believe sexual jealousy is hardcoded and deepwired into the human psychology, for both men and women. again, a complex subject that deserves another post.

my bottom line, most humans are imperfect at best at monogamous relationships, and unsuccessful at worst, to say the least. all kinds of darknesses find their way even into a monogamous relationship. if a person hasnt had a successful monogamous relationship, I seriously doubt they would do any better with polyamory and would recommend against it.

in my opinion, nonmonogamy is not the solution to problems with monogamy. polyamory is a very advanced relationship expression, sort of like a Phd of love. few can attain it, and I think only those highly successful and excelling with monogamy should even consider it. the pool of suitable mates is already small, the pool of polyamorous mates even smaller.

Ive actually been thinking of how to approach this subj ever since I joined open salon, but also looking fwd to it, and building up this list of movies, & waiting for an auspicious moment to post it. sirenita's post seems like as good as any.

it would be hard to generalize this list, but all of these movies at least skirt the issue of open relationships to various degrees, either subtly/indirectly or very overtly/directly, often in the form of a threesome. more are in the former category because I think open relationship concepts are almost as unusual/rare in hollywood as they are in real life. [none of these I would classify as outright Porn, but some come close, which I have labelled "erotic".]

hope you find this helpful in your own movie-viewing pleasure or explorations/discoveries. Id certainly like to hear of other movies in the comments or your own reactions to any of these movies. will write more on the subj of polyamory in this blog [a very complex subj] depending on reaction.

* * *

- two moon junction
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0096324/
drama. A young Southern débutante temporarily abandons her posh lifestyle and upcoming, semi-arranged marriage to have a lustful and erotic fling with a rugged drifter who works at a local carnival.

- 10
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0078721/
comedy. famous movie. launched bo derek's "career". incl dudley moore. at a resort, an older man goes thru midlife crisis and becomes infatuated with a young woman newlywed who unexpectedly reveals she's in an open relationship.

- sex and death 101
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0497972/
comedy. a man gets a intervention by a strange, metaphysical "agency" that intervenes in his life and gives him a list of all the women he will have sex with in the future, including a female murderer [wynona ryder]

- good luck chuck
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0452625/
comedy. a man becomes very popular when he gets a "curse" in which if a woman sleeps with him, her next boyfriend will turn into her husband. dane cook stars.

- sex and breakfast
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0837803/
two couples experiencing relationship difficulties agree to anonymous "group sex" as an unconventional relationship therapist's idea for sex therapy. starring eliza dushku and macaulay culkin.

- crashing
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0475243/
drama. a writer gets kicked out of his house by his wife, divorced, and spends some time living with two undergraduate women fans/writers in their apartment. mixes/blurs his fantasies and reality.

- fling*
http://www.amazon.com/Fling-Brandon-Routh/dp/B001O1RYGM/
drama. woman in an open relationship begins to fall in love with another partner and accidentally gets pregnant, and her primary relationship unravels.

- the sex monster
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0159730/
comedy. starring mariel hemingway [granddaughter of famous writer ernest hemingway]. a husband wants to spice up his marriage with a threesome but afterwards, he becomes the 3rd wheel as the wife falls in love and has more exciting sex with the wild girlfriend.

- sex and lucia
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0254455/
drama. woman suffers tragedy in a relationship and seeks refuge on a quiet, secluded mediterranean island. has relationship with another woman.

- sex with strangers
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0304692/
documentary. intertwined lives of a group of swingers and hangers-on.

- virtual girl
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0159099/
drama/erotic. software developer works on a gaming system that creates a very realistic simulation of an erotic human woman, who ends up stalking him from cyberspace and threatening his marriage.

- sexual matrix
http://www.amazon.com/Sexual-Matrix-Jason-Schnuit/dp/B000068MAY/
drama/erotic. low budget, erotic riff on the famous Matrix trilogy. a university professor builds a machine that can heighten sexual drive and unlock their fantasies in a virtual world, but is then threatened with a sexual harassment lawsuit.

- memoirs of a geisha
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0397535/
drama. story of a highly valued geisha fought over by rival suitors in pre WWII japan.

- Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0205000/
comedy. a male gigolo has various adventures with diverse women of varying desirability. starring rob schneider.

- vicki christina barcelona
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0497465/
comedy/drama. a charismatic spaniard [Javier Bardem] invites/proposes to two women, one of them engaged, to spend time with him on a short weekend adventure in spain that grows. exwife of the male reappears and complicates the group further. directed by woody allen. academy award nominee/winner, for penelope cruz.

- lake consequence
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0107357/
housewife with young son becomes attracted to a mysterious stranger and goes on a short erotic adventure with him and another woman. starring joan severance.

- kama sutra: tale of love
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0116743/
drama/tragedy. intertwined romantic lives of two women from 16th century india grow up together and become ensared by an arrogant and unfeeling prince, one as his wife and the other as his courtesan lover. the lover attempts to escape with her own lover with disastrous consequences.

- secret things
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0287963/
drama. two young/beautiful women, a stripper and a barmaid, struggle to survive in paris. they get jobs in a bank and seduce the executives, and then aim for the young male heir of the business.

- I think I love my wife
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0770772/
a married man [chris rock] stymied in sex with his wife struggles with fidelity, monogamy, and fantasies. put to the test when he meets again young female associate. faces "seven year itch"

- bandits
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0219965/
cate blanchett/bruce willis, billy thornton star. two bank robbers fall in love with the girl they've kidnapped.

- bandidas
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0416496/
drama/comedy. salma hayek/penelope cruz in a crime western set in mexico. features a threesome with their cohort in crime, ie robbing banks.

- kiss me again
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0436460/
drama/tragedy. a married couple decide to experiment with a threesome with an attractive spanish woman on the urging from the husband, a university professor. the marriage is intensely stressed, the wife suffers a nervous breakdown, and all three suffer terrible consequences/repercussions.

- 9 1/2 weeks
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0091635/
drama. mickey rourke, kim basinger. shy woman meets male play lover who takes her on unorthodox erotic adventures in NYC.

- the Guitar
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0942891/
drama. young woman in NYC is diagnosed with a few months to live, radically alters her life and habits partly by maxing out her credit cards.

- the human contract
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1109477/
a driven, sometimes violent marketing manager going through a divorce meets and "dates" an exotic spanish woman in an open marriage. written/directed by jada pinkett smith. costars paz vega

- priceless
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0482088/
comedy/love story [english subtitles]. a beautiful but "gold-digging" woman who lives out of hotels with her lover(s) crosses with a wily waiter who attempts to match or outdo her at her own game by becoming a gigolo. costars audrey tautou

- Spread
a young playboy in LA seduces a wealthy cougar and uses her multimilliondollar mansion as a base for operations. starring ashton kutcher
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1186370/

- 18 year old virgin
an intellectual, nose-to-the-grindstone girl graduating high school decides her virginity is a hindrance and enlists her girl friend to help her lose it at a party
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1294969/

- indecent proposal
billionaire, debauched playboy offers a couple $1M to sleep with the wife, who accept it with harsh repercussions. starring demi moore, robert redford, woody harrelson.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0107211/

- coco before chanel
biography of coco chanel's life focusing on early period before she built her fashion business. pursued simultaneously by two wealthy suitors. starring audrey tatou
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1035736/

- broken embraces
starring penelope cruz. a wealthy mogul rescues his secretary's father from stomache cancer, and she becomes his mistress in his debt. she wants to expand her horizons with an acting career, bringing her into the circles of a director, and a love triangle/tragedy ensues. directed by pedro almodovar.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0913425/

- the girlfriend experience
directed by steven soderbergh. porn star sasha grey stars in a low budget movie about a high-end escort who lives with her athletic trainer boyfriend.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1103982/ 

- red shoe diaries
starring david duchovny. love story between a young ambitious male architect and an interior decorator, engaged. the woman explores her erotic desires with a construction worker. the fiance is left to reconstruct her secret life from her diary entries.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0103522/

- chloe
a woman in an apparently sexless marriage, concerned and near-paranoid that her husband is cheating on her, hires a prostitute as a trap to seduce her husband. starring amanda seyfreid.
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000194/

- igor and coco
coco chanell, at the height of her career, has an affair with the married-with-children igor stravinsky at her palatial chateua and and estranges his wife in the process.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1023441/

tv shows

- The L Word
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0330251/
drama. soap opera of a clique of attractive, accomplished, artistic, and opinionated lesbians. starring jennifer beals, cybill shepherd.

- the girls next door
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0468424/
comedy. tv show. famous polyamorous mogul hugh hefner entertains his 3 beautiful girlfriends in his mansion, nightclubs/parties, and foreign travels.

- swingtown
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0928173/
comedy/drama. tv show. swingers and their neighbors in a plain, unremarkable US suburb in the 1970s.

- Sex and the City
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0159206/
comedy. well known. 6 seasons of a tv show and a movie. sarah jessica parker, kim cattrall.

- secret diary of a call girl
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1000734/
a call girl struggles with juggling her clients, a boyfriend, and the rest of her life in london.