Truth

wakingupslowly

wondering, wandering

wakingupslowly

Location: A city in, Iowa,
Birthday: June 17

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my poems: That Is Why; We Could Have Been Good Friends, for Erika; I Can't Remember It; This Will Change Your Life, Just a Little Bit; "I Think I Might Be a Little Bit Autistic" He Said; Because You Paid the Child Support; The Boy From Tupelo; It's Like This; Because You Don't Love Me; The Hotel Room; The Man in the Airport; Lucinda Williams Walked With Me Last Night; When I Walked Out of the Room; I Didn't Walk by the Synagogue Today; For a Friend Off to Algonquin Provincial Park; A Heart (In Eleven Lines); Making Love; The Facts (Two years Ago); Do We See the Same Moon?; I Didn't Know; To the One I Never Saw Again; For My Nephews, With Love; Every Time I Delete Your Phone Number; Boots and Sex; When A poem Gets Stuck; I Think It's Called 'Ideations'; Because I Don't Think He Will Ever See This; Moonflower Loneliness; we eke out our time; What I Saw Monday Night at the Hospice in My Neighborhood; Once; This Is the Poem He Would Write for Me; Love, Noticed; the small hours; the bra; Motorcycle; A Man's Arm Length; Truth; what I meant; after; do this

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MAY 10, 2009 4:35PM

Rate: 21 Flag

When I first wake up

I send out an

immediate plea

to stop time,

to thwart the shift

to consciousness.

I beg in muffled silence,

Let me stay asleep.

Waking inflicts

the callused truth

into my brain.

Waking casts off

denial and nothing

but my panicked appeal

exists to block the

truth from seeping into

my brain, my eyes, the light.

Again and again

I must

remember and admit

you are not here

you will not write

you will not call

you will not appear

you are gone.

Each time I wake up,

you die again.

Author tags:

poem, poetry, loss, ache, sadness, gone, endings

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Comments

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I don't think this is very good, but... I couldn't bear to edit it again, and it needed to just get out into the world and off my mind.

I'm going for a long walk now.

Thanks for reading.

wakingupslowly

May 10, 2009 04:37 PM

That is the way it is when you lose someone. They're always alive when you first wake up and then you remember. It's a beautiful poem.

odetteroulette

May 10, 2009 04:40 PM

Take away the last 6 lines and you would have been describing my world. Regardless of the cause, it's a rough place to be. And it does somehow feel good to write it down and get it out there.

As concerns the editing, sometimes its better just to let it be as it is. I certainly think the honesty in this one stands very well on its own.

And it is brutal to be woken when you've only just managed to finally get to sleep...

Wordsmith

May 10, 2009 04:45 PM

Thank you for encapsulating that sobering moment when you wake up. So frustrating - you found peace while sleeping but weren't aware of it. You're only aware of it when it's too late and you're awake. What a cosmic Catch 22.

The beauty somewhere in it? YOU'RE still there when you wake up. Check out this poem to remember that YOU are the the very things you miss:

http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/love-after-love/

Beth Mann

May 10, 2009 04:52 PM

wakingupslowly I like this poem just as it is....you've captured that way it's possible to experience that sharp jab of learning of a loss more than once--for example, daily when a person struggles into consciousness. thank-you for writing this.

doloresflores_d

May 10, 2009 04:57 PM

wakingupslowly- It is very good; very sad, but still very good. So honest and haunting, so terminal and lonesome. No more editing for now, or ever.
Thanks for composing!
rated

junk1

May 10, 2009 05:02 PM

Thanks, women. Your comments feel good to read. I will likely not attempt a serious edit of this poem for a long time, if ever.

(The long walk strategy didn't turn out so well. The first two miles or so were fast, strong, but then an uneven sidewalk attacked and made for a bad fall. Scraped knee and palms and a swollen ankle now. Well, shoot.)

Thanks again, and Beth, I'll go there now.

wakingupslowly

May 10, 2009 05:56 PM

Outstanding!

jimmymac1025

May 10, 2009 06:51 PM

I know this feeling...I love what your heart has said; I wouldn't change a thing.

Walk Away

May 10, 2009 07:43 PM

Beautifully done. Goose bumps.

peece
dj

Jimenace

May 10, 2009 08:08 PM

I think your poem reflected perfectly that hazy moment of denial that exists when we are still half asleep - no matter what it is we are trying to deny.

mamoore

May 10, 2009 08:53 PM

stopping time would be a great trick...

Brian B

May 10, 2009 09:08 PM

you affect me.

do you realize how good you are?

Duaneart

May 10, 2009 09:15 PM

very good a universal feeling

Kathy Knechtges

May 10, 2009 09:44 PM

I am glad you "got it out." Wonderful flow.

scupper

May 10, 2009 09:50 PM

Thanks for reading, all. You are all very generous with your comments.
Sometimes it takes putting a poem out there to be reminded/learn that the topic is universal and even common. I forget that much of the time.

wakingupslowly

May 10, 2009 10:40 PM

I have been there, too. With you. And the poem is beautiful, as is!

Shivaun Nestor

May 10, 2009 11:41 PM

I love it just the way it is!

MoniqueC

May 10, 2009 11:54 PM

Thank you Shivaun and Monique. I'll trust you both. No edits.
xo

wakingupslowly

May 11, 2009 12:47 AM

Ouch. The last part was painful. Thank you for your honesty. When you edit, please keep that part. Maybe start and end with it.

I know you've been reading my stuff, so you've seen my poems about my divorce from Victim # 1 and the death of my second husband, so you know I mean it when I say that I know where you're coming from. You won't want to hear me say this, but it really does stop hurting so much. Except every now and then.

havlin

May 11, 2009 02:21 PM

Thanks, Helen. I appreciate your read of this.

Has to get better, right? Has to, has to, has to.

wakingupslowly

May 11, 2009 03:43 PM

no, it is very good- ouch Wakes

hyblaean- Julie

May 11, 2009 04:51 PM

I signed in so I could rate this. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Zella

May 11, 2009 07:54 PM

God, I hate waking up most mornings for the very reason your poem mandates. Sometimes, I desperately try to go back to sleep to recapture the solitude, the bliss. But it's gone.

Mal Beck

May 12, 2009 10:50 AM

It moves fast, doesn't it, Mal? Hard way to start the day.

wakingupslowly

May 12, 2009 06:08 PM

This poem brought tears to my eyes...there is no edit needed, you said what you feel and there is nothing more honest than that. Thankyou for your kind comments, it is so hard to know what the right thing to do is...your kind words brought me more tears but much comfort, so thank you.