We've all had that job, right? The one where you like the place you work but you don't really get to do the fun stuff. Writing the (non-bylined) police blotter for a little suburb has to be kind of boring.

(Ask me sometime about how my short-lived journalism career was killed by the Oak Park Michigan Beautification Committee meetings.)

 This morning, I opened our local weekly, the Wednesday Journal, directly to the Crime page.

^{Crafty thief snags pricey sigs}

 ^{On March 3, a cigarette fiend resorted to retail theft in order to allay his craving for nicotine.  . . .}

Thank you, uncredited crime beat dude. I can't remember the last time I saw the words "fiend" or "allay" in a crime report, let alone in the same sentence. Thank you, editor who let that one go.

And thank you, the bored underemployed everywhere! We salute you, and hope you don't move on until your boredom has moved you to a few more feats of entertainment for us.