William K. Wolfrum's Blog

MARCH 14, 2011 9:14AM

Parents to cut child's allowance to fix household deficit

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DES MOINES – Having declared that their current budgetary path is “unsustainable,” Bob & Peggy Thompson of Des Moines today announced that they will be cutting the $1-a-week allowance they give to their 5-year-old child, Jessica.

“Having gone over our current budget deficit, we have come to the realization that sacrifices will have to be made,” said Bob Thompson, 44. “These cuts may not be popular in the short-term, but are necessary for our household to rein in our spending.”

The Thompson’s currently are running a $1.7 million yearly deficit. No other cuts outside of Jessica’s allowance were announced.

While announcing the cuts to young Jessica’s allowance, the Thompson also unveiled a list of budgetary items that are “untouchable,” including: Jet Skis, maintenance of the family bomb shelter, cell phone, satellite television, gun collection, car collection, baseball card collection, masseuse, house cleaner, or anything that “could negatively affect the emotional or physical state” of the two main employers of the household – Bob and Peggy Thompson.

“What’s important is that Jessica learns to sacrifice for the betterment of the household in general,” said Peggy Thompson, who, like Bob, is a hedge fund manager. “She may not understand now, but it’s for her own good.”

Reached for comment, Jessica Thompson states she felt the cuts were short-sighted and would inhibit growth.

“It’s nawt faaaaiiiwwwwwrrrr,” said Jessica Thompson.


Crossposted at William K. Wolfrum Chronicles

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satire, economy

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It seems that Bob & Peggy have been taking lessons from the government/big financial institutions.

This is brilliant! I needed a good laugh today, thanks!