MASSACHUSETTS — After essentially sewing up the GOP nomination this week, Mitt Romney has begun the long process of connecting with the American public. Earlier this week, Romney strengthened his appeal with women by… Read full post »

HEAVEN – Following a staggering donation to the Heaven Fund, the Koch Brothers will now have final say on who gets Raptured. sources tell this reporter.

David and Charles Koch – who combined are worth $43.5 billion – recently made headlines when it was learned that they had… Read full post »

 

PIERRE, S.D. — South Dakota governor Dennis Daugaard signed a bill into law on Tuesday that requires a man to wait 72 hours after his first doctor's appointment to be allowed to masturbate, the longest waiting list in the nation.

Male Masturbation rights groups… Read full post »

Each year around this time, I’m contacted by a small cadre of political bloggers looking to push something they call “Blogroll Amnesty Day.” The idea behind this day is for big, important, A-List, nationally recognized bloggers like myself to give out links to small, unimp… Read full post »

AMERICA – A Federal Court in Florida has struck down Capitalism, ruling that the requirement for individuals to live under any type of economic system is unconstitutional.

U.S. District Judge Roger Vinson in his judgment ruled that the so-called economic system known as capitalism exceeds c… Read full post »

My friends, for many years, I have lived a life of divine privilege. By birthright, I was special – white as all get out and as male as could be. Basically, I hit the genetic lottery, and grew to be secure in the fact that all rights available/…

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Having spent more time lately in the U.S., one thing has become abundantly clear - Caffeine-Free Diet Pepsi is the nastiest beverage ever created. If ever there was a product that proved that American ingenuity is dead, it's Caffeine-Free Diet Pepsi.

My theory on how Caffeine-Free Diet Pepsi was crea… Read full post »

NORTH POLE - Looking trim following lap-band surgery, Santa Claus held a press conference today to announce a fundamental change in his long-time tradition of giving toys to good children.

Intent on cutting costs as well as teaching ideological lessons, Claus, 43, said that the time was… Read full post »

Much has been said about Julian Assange and Wikileaks. The Australian-born hacker has put America in grave danger due to his publication of classified information that someone else stole.

And he must die.

Yes, my friends, Assange is yet another person that America must kill… Read full post »

WASHINGTON – Continuing his pattern of negotiating before being at the negotiating table, President Barack Obama shut down the Federal Government today.

“We must work together,” said Obama, on the 16th hole of Pebble Beach. “By shutting down the government right now, we&rsq… Read full post »

Following the election of Barack Obama to the office of President of the United States, writer Michael Wolraich surveyed the political aftermath and came to a simple conclusion – the Right-Wing has gone utterly mad.

Wolrich’s new book “Blowing Smoke” (longer title: “Blo… Read full post »

LINCOLN, Neb. — When it comes to Barack Obama, it’s all Black and White.

A new Chronicles Poll shows that Americans overwhelming approve of President Obama’s White half, while his Black half has approval ratings that rival Sarah Palin’s.

“Hell, I even like Obama&rsq… Read full post »

After Christine O’Donnell became the Delaware GOP Senate nominee, video emerged of her making the rounds more than a decade ago, preaching that people needed to avoid masturbation because “Lust in your heart is committing adultery.”

While one can applaud O’Donnell for fightin… Read full post »

SEATTLE – “Do I need honor these people and pretend that they are worthy of the privileges of the First Amendment which I have in my gut the sense that they will abuse?” cried out Marty Peretz.

“Where are the peaceful Muslims?! Where are the peaceful Muslims?”… Read full post »

LAS VEGAS – The age old question – could God create a shotgun big enough to blow his own brains out? – has finally been answered. And that answer is, yes. Yes he can.

God was found dead yesterday at the Wynn Las Vegas of a self-inflicted… Read full post »

My friends, I have long withheld this information, as I’ve long believed that my sexuality is no one’s business but my own. However, after seeing recent studies and news reports, I believe that now is the perfect time to come forward and admit what so many have long… Read full post »