If a Sea Turtle could, it would murder you with its bare hands. And liberal environmentalists would like nothing more than to allow this ancient species to gain the power they’ve always slowly plotted.

Sea Turtles are often portrayed as wise, harmless keepers of the deep.… Read full post »

CLEVELAND – Citing potential “National Security Issues,” President Barack Obama today ordered all media to stay 2,000 feet away from basketball superstar LeBron James, while he makes his decision whom to play for in 2010-11.

“This decision requires time and peace,… Read full post »

Odd News

Eating Anarchy: Competitive eater Joey “Jaws” Chestnut won the annual Coney Island “Stuff your Face With Hot Dogs” thing, his fourth victory in the event. Chaos later ensued, when legendary eater Takeru Kobayashi – who is star… Read full post »

Hi, everyone, I'm Master Blogger William K. Wolfrum. My friends call me Bill, but for purposes of this presentation, I'd rather you called me Master Blogger William K. Wolfrum.

Being a Master Blogger is a time-consuming effort, explaining why there are so few people around that call me Bill. Nonethel… Read full post »

On April 20, 2010, British Petroleum’s Deep Water Horizon oil rig exploded, killing 11 men and allowing millions of gallons of oil to gush into the Gulf of Mexico. Almost immediately the call went out to him. Yet there was no reply.

Since then, the… Read full post »

This is your America on Oil:

A researcher captured this image. A discarded flag (or one that has fallen from one of the many vessels in the area) rests on the ocean floor amid the oil and the bodies of dead crabs.
A two-inch layer of

… Read full post »

SOUTH AFRICA – Faced with a barrage of bad press about the endless drone of vuvuzelas during World Cup matches, South African President Jacob Zuna today announced that he will ban the horn-like instrument, provided the Western world stop exploiting Africa.

“It’s a… Read full post »

Being a lobbyist can’t be easy. First off, in most cases, you have to actually rid yourself of any soul whatsoever to get into the business. Secondly, there are no career goals outside of getting paid – even the most successful lobbyists on the planet… Read full post »

Trying to stay a step ahead of their rapidly spreading oily public relations disaster in the Gulf of Mexico, today British Petroleum announced a new contest that would guarantee every entrant a free gallon of crude oil.

“When people think of British Petroleum, we want… Read full post »

An accidental security glitch sent the information of all Facebook users to Al Qaeda operatives overseas, a company spokesman admitted today.

“Oops,” said Elliot Schrage, the company’s vice president for public policy. “Are we perfect? Of course not.”

The informa… Read full post »

Remember Climategate? Well, the University of East Anglia’s Climate Research Unit, which was the target of climate-deniers wrath, has cleared of “any deliberate scientific malpractice,” and had a panel declare their methodology sound.

From Bad Astronomer Phil Plait:

As a ba

… Read full post »

GULF OF MEXICO – Dressed in only swimming trunks, U.S. President Barack Obama today swam 5,000 feet down and plugged the spewing geyser of oil left by the British Petroleum Oil rig that exploded April 20. Obama used the bodies of Bill Ayers and Jeremiah… Read full post »

WASHINGTON – The Republican National Committee came forward today with a one-page document showcasing its new platform for the remainder of the year.

The new platform is based on illegal immigration and keeping medical expenses down. From the document:

“We hereby believe that… Read full post »

Now that the NFL has decreed that un-litigated rape is worthy a four-to-six-week suspension along with a “comprehensive behavioral evaluation by professionals,” the future of Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger is becoming slightly clearer.

From my perspective, however,… Read full post »

Easily the best thing about being a blogger is the ability to control your image. I know there are many bloggers out there who will scream “I keep it real,” but won’t mention the time and details necessary for said realness.

Myself, for instance. I… Read full post »

It is astounding that in the Year 2010, so many people still treat the word rape as if it’s a clever description from everything from taxes to actions at sporting events. The pictured cartoon made the rounds on the heels of the passage of health… Read full post »

ARIZONA – Faced with a difficult primary challenge from J.D. Hayworth in his senatorial re-election bid, Sen. John McCain announced today that he’s actually a vampire, like in the “Twilight” movies.

“Yeah, you kids love vampires, dontcha,” said McCain, wearin… Read full post »

SILVER SPRING, Md. – Discovery Communications has announced that it has been forced to cancel the upcoming reality show “Sarah Palin’s Alaska,” after it was learned that Palin ran out of reality almost two years ago. The eight-part documentary series was to star the ex-Gov… Read full post »

Are you a patriotic militia member that’s fighting Barack Obama’s illegal communist regime that’s forcing the U.S. into a tyrannical New World Order that will enslave us all? Are you in a band?

If you answered “yes” to those questions, then we want you to &ldq… Read full post »

FLORIDA – Entering an already crowded field of contenders, golfer Tiger Woods today announced that he will be running for the U.S. Senate Seat in Florida.

“Responsibility,” said Woods. “Dignity.”

Woods will have his work cut out for him, as pretend-heterosexual Ch… Read full post »

So who do you get your stock tips from, these days? How about 23-year-old actor Shia Labeouf? Yes, in studying for his role in the upcoming film “Wall Street 2,” Labeouf spent time at John Thomas Financial. At John Thomas, InterOil (IOC) is… Read full post »

BETHLEHEM (March 24, 0008) – The parents of Jesus Christ – the much ballyhooed Son of God – have accused a Catholic Church Priest of molesting their child, causing him to flee from the area.

“We really should have known better than to let him hang out… Read full post »

Growing up in this great nation of ours, I was taught to have great pride in the freedoms America has bestowed upon its citizens. I learned of the brave Americans who heroically fought to acquire these freedoms, and today I still swell with pride thinking of the Americans… Read full post »

BRAZIL – Atheist blogger William K. Wolfrum – known primarily for posting pictures of his dogs – has come out in support of the Catholic Church today. A life-long Catholic, Wolfrum said it seemed that now was the time for him to “have the back”… Read full post »