First of all, before I even begin, my 12 1/2 year old (who is fractions of an inch shorter than me--I am about to become a short person, something I never dreamed could happen to me) got me to leave this computer screen to...
"look at the sky!"
Ah sunset. All that orange after a totally overcast day here at the beach. (90s inland, folks. But only 68--and blanketed in gray all day here in Venice.) Makes for a gorgeous sunset.
I went and saw my shrink today after months of not seeing him.
I get the blues when school lets out (the kids were screaming in the halls a little over a week ago---yahoooo! No more school! I wonder if they are bored yet--probably not. But I know I'll be bored soon.)
Anyway, he's great, my doctor. I missed him. (Stopped seeing him just when the financial crisis hit.) Today I told him a dream and described some anxious behaviors I'd observed at work (the adults, not the kids. The kids are happy! happy! happy!---no school! Not even any summer school (there went my summer gig! ouch!))
I've worked to be more centered. I do yoga (don't laugh! I'm Califiornia born and breed and came of age in the 70s and 80s so it's only natural.) I thought that this school year I've kept my cool most of the time. The atmosphere at work this year was dark. We knew what was coming: cuts--deep cuts in education. By spring we knew we'd be losing two lovely Teach for America teachers (who've taken the "blow" as an opportunity of sorts.) They are wonderful women and much saner than most of the crew at my school.
I'm glad I've got a union and all, but something's got to give and what I kept hearing at work all year was that I needed to go to every board meeting to beg the board to magically save everyone's job, keep our salaries the same and preserve all our benefits. I needed to be walking outside school often to hold up signs and pass out flyers. And if the powers that be don't save all jobs and not cut anything I then needed to join the contingent that's on a hunger strike (this was started by some teachers who took the day off to get arrested as a protest because the union was stopped from going on strike for a day--something I voted to do and was willing to do.) Teachers needed to be out in force--life or death, constantly.
It's been hard to stay centered and be around the noise. (And I've left out the other day-to-day work drama.) It's not that I don't think it's worth fighting for public education. But (heresy) I wonder if my public school system is like a 128 year old on life support. You can only do so much...
Everyone is upset, I said to my shrink.
Yes. He replied. Everyone is.
Then I laughed. It's not funny. But it's true.
I commented on the for lease signs in the shops on every major street in LA.
Saturn and Uranus are in opposition--that's what you get, he said. (Now I know these conversations must happen in other places in the country--but it is sooooo California!)
Old things need to die and make way for the new.
I'll try to keep boredom at bay this summer. There are sunsets to see, bike rides to take and hikes to hike. I need to find something cool for my younger son to do. (The older one is taking an Anthropology class at the local community college.)
I'm trying to write in long blocks each day, I told the doctor. I'm just taking things where they lead me.
You could write a screenplay, he said.
Sooooo sooo LA!