"Your are beautiful and many people love you."

 Charlie had put a beige and red mat bag on the floor of the studio at the end of yoga class.  "Take an affirmation card--or don't, if you want.  I thought they'd be fun."

He plays music from my teen years and young adulthood, Cat Steven's Peace Train, Dylan, the Band, Bob Marley...  I find myself  tapping my foot to the music or wanting to wiggle out of down-ward dog--or wanting to sing along with "Going to Carolina in My Mind" or "Heart of Gold."

It was a good class.  I don't remember when I started going to Charlie's classes.  There are many teachers with the studios.  I have some favorites.  Charlie subbed for some of them, so I seek him out when I see him on the schedule.

I laughed when I pulled out that card.  I've always been hard on myself--it's what I know to do and over the past few years I've felt ambiguous about my aging.  I'm now fifty and I can't pretend, even living in this absurd plastic town--I can't even begin to pretend that 50 is the new 40 or 30 or whatever it's "supposed" to be.  I'm not big on "supposed tos."

I haven't been feeling beautiful, though I know I am beautiful, just like the jasmin blooming out on the front porch,  just like the 80-year old palms that line my street.  I'm beautiful like an old dog.  And yes, many people love me.

I saw two films tonight.  That was the purpose of this post.  Go see some movies!   They are really good!

I've committed myself to letting stories in this summer.  I've read a few books and have been seeing lots of films.  This is my reward after cooking and cleaning up after my two sons who are staying here with me.  I'm the Disneyland dad in the divorce settlement.  Disneyland is a great expenditure of time and energy so I just moved close to the beach instead and now everyone just lies around the house or goes on bike rides by the ocean for entertainment--or the boys experiment with grilling!

So what did I see that had me write a post?  I haven't felt like writing, though I've been doing lots of reading.  

Tonight I saw Humpday which is hilarious and wonderful.  But it was (500) Days of Summer that has me typing write now.

I'd say this movie is like Annie Hall.  And it's laugh out loud funny.  And it teared me up so much that my contact lens fell out.

And it makes me wonder:  Romance?  Fate?  Soul Mates?  real or just fairy tales we've been told.  I'd like to have that magic in my life again.