The World's Smartest Man

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NOVEMBER 18, 2008 10:59AM

Insecure Jesus

Rate: 6 Flag


It’s time to clear a few things up.  First of all, and I am just being honest here, a few things about me have been over blown somewhat. One of most common misconceptions that I hear is that I somehow walked on water.  While it is true that I did do something that may have slightly resembled walking on water, in reality it was more of a skid.  I mean did you honestly think that I literally walked on water?

I guess I am a victim of good publicity because while I am technically the son of God, that in no way makes me some sort of magician.  People ask me to do the water trick all the time, and I would be lying if I said that they were less than disappointed with the results. I mean I did that trick two thousand years ago, I had a nice buzz, we were at Paul’s house and I honestly don’t even remember doing it.

Then there is the wine story.  Water to wine yeah that sounds impressive.  Look, between me and you that was a little bit exaggerated.  Yes there was some water. Yes I turned it into wine.  But if I am so great then why didn’t I turn it into something better?  In the long run what does wine do for you besides temporarily make you feel better?  I mean given the chance wouldn’t you do something better with your abilities? I’m such an idiot.

Now I have to come back to earth and do it all again.  I didn’t even do that great of a job in the first place and I am now supposed to save you?  Maybe I could send someone in my place, like Gandhi or JFK.  You would like that wouldn’t you?  Yeah I am gonna get on this right away cause I really don’t think I’m cut out for this.

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I like your sense of humor. Duh. And this just makes me laugh. I will always be curious as to what really happened 2000 years ago. This is as good an explanation as any.
If there is a GOD...are there any of us, for any reason, not sons or daughters of that GOD????

If you answer YES...why?
Nate - That one made me giggle out loud! Great start to my day!
Very creative, clever and leaves one wanting more! Good post!
Kudos on the EP!!! xoxo AC
Hilarious. Also: that whole raising the dead thing. I mean, he wasn't ACTUALLY dead. He was pretty sick - he was like, "I'm dying here." It was kind of a miracle that he got up and walked around, considering how he was feeling. But the next day he was out spreading my gospel and telling everyone I raised him from the dead - it was kind of embarrassing.
Water to there would be a miracle. And it would account for half of the stuff in that crazy little book of yours. Revelations always sounded like a bad Hunter Thompson trip to me, but I could be wrong...
Great post, but it really doesn't matter what Jesus said or did. Christians don't believe in Jesus, they believe in Paul.

Christians think they are no longer under Mosaic Law, because Paul referred to his background as a former Pharisee and previous adherence to Mosaic Law as "so much garbage."

Nothing in the synoptic gospels suggests a break with Judaism. Jesus was called "Rabbi," meaning "Master" or "Teacher," 42 times in the gospels. Jesus' ministry was a rabbinic one. He went to the synagogue (Matthew 12:9), taught in the synagogues (Matthew 4:23, 13:54; Mark 1:39), expressed concern for Jairus, "one of the rulers of the synagogue" (Mark 5:36) and it "was his custom" to go to the synagogue (Luke 4:16).

Jesus himself said, "Do not suppose I have come to abolish the Law and the prophets. I did not come to destroy but to fulfill...till heaven and earth pass away, not one jot or tittle pass from the Law till all is fulfilled. Whoever, therefore, breaks one of the least of these commandments and teaches men so shall be called least in the kingdom of heaven; but whoever does and teaches them, he shall be called great in the kingdom of heaven...unless your righteousness exceeds the righteousness of the scribes and Pharisees, you will by no means enter the kingdom of heaven." (Matthew 5:17-20)

Jesus also upheld the Torah in Luke 16:17: "And it is easier for heaven and earth to pass away than for the smallest portion of the Law to become invalid."

Nor do these words refer merely to the Ten Commandments. Jesus meant the entire Torah: 613 commandments. When a man asked Jesus what he must do to inherit eternal life, Jesus replied, "You know the commandments." He quoted not just the Ten Commandments, but a commandment from Leviticus 19:13 as well: "Do not defraud." (Mark 10:17-22)

Jesus' disciples were once accused by the scribes and Pharisees of violating rabbinical tradition (Matthew 15:1-2; Mark 7:5), but not biblical law. Jesus never says anywhere in the entire New Testament that the Law is abolished; this was Paul's theology.

Sometimes Christians cite Matthew 7:12, where Jesus says "Do unto others..." and this "covers" the Law and the prophets. But Jesus was merely repeating in the positive what Rabbi Hillel taught a generation earlier. No one took Hillel's words to mean the Law had been abolished--why should we assume this of Jesus?

If Jesus really did come to abolish the Law and the prophets, Simon (Peter) would not have resisted a divine command to kill and eat both "clean" and "unclean" animals (Acts 10), nor would there have been a debate in the early church as to what extent the gentiles were to observe Mosaic Law (Acts 15). When Paul visited the church at Jerusalem, James and the elders told him all its members were "zealous for the Law," and they were worried because they heard rumors Paul was preaching against Mosaic Law (Acts 21). None of these events would have happened had Jesus really come to abolish the Law and the prophets.

Paul says if anyone has confidence in the Law, "I am ahead of him."

Would that mean Paul places himself ahead of Jesus, who said he did not come to abolish the Law and the prophets? Would that mean Paul places himself ahead of Jesus, who said whoever sets aside even the least of the Law's demands shall be called least in the kingdom of heaven (Matthew 5:17-19)?

Would that mean Paul places himself ahead of Jesus, who taught that following the commandments of God is the only way to eternal life (Mark 10:17-22)? Would that mean Paul places himself ahead of Jesus who said that it is easier for heaven and earth to pass away than for the smallest portion of the Law to become invalid (Luke 16:17)?

Paul may have regarded the Law as "so much garbage," but it should be obvious JESUS DIDN'T THINK THE LAW WAS "GARBAGE"!

Christians believe in Paul, not Jesus. Bertrand Russell called Paul the "inventor" of Christianity.
Wow Vasu. I don't know what worldssmartestman thinks, but this could be a whole another post. Thanks for all this. Impressive.
So I suppose you didn't heal the blind man either? I always wondered why you didn't just heal blindness instead of only one man's blindness. That explains it!
Hey, a lot of this was more Paul's interpretation than mine. I wisely told him "Pride goeth before the fall." He didn't get it. Oh well, I can't save them all.