XJS AND ME's Blog

SEESTHROUGHITER

XJS AND ME

XJS AND ME
Location
Wausau, Wisconsin, Yes, better than city
Birthday
January 18
Title
Hey, You
Company
keep my own with several personalities
Bio
My bio is degradable Official litter changer Don't give a damner Not subject or vulnerable to judgemental assholes. Happily born aqain single Gym rat Golf rat Fishing rat Just plain old rat

MY RECENT POSTS

XJS AND ME's Links

Salon.com
FEBRUARY 5, 2011 1:11PM

How not to talk like Matt P and other leftovers

Rate: 13 Flag

Pointer 

SHIT AGAIN 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zGcQCtFlENA

After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says WTF?

This guy got sacked.

http://tribune-democrat.com/local/x1293239787/Packers-fan-took-devotion-to-his-grave

At an un-named Dallas hotel the night before the game?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oDIgL4NQbNA

Hell freezes over~~

http://abcnews.go.com/US/super-bowl-storm-falling-ice-cowboy-stadium-injures/story?id=12843897

How "F-ing" is the super bowl?

"Women prefer watching football to having sex.

  • 73% of women responded that they’d rather watch Sunday’s big game than have sex, whereas nearly 50% of men said they’d rather have sex than watch the game. Only 27% of women preferred sex to watching the game.

Shit, my team isn't playing so I'd have had time.

You know, they do a lot of charity work in sports, etc.

Check out this CEO with the perfect name~~

http://www.foodforthepoor.org/about/leadership/

OK, back to stuff we usually talk about here.

 

A very flat-chested woman finally decided she needed a bra and set out to the mall in search of one in her size. She entered an upscale department store and approached the saleslady in lingerie, “Do you have a size 28AAAA bra?” The clerk haughtily replied in the negative, so she left the store and proceeded to another department store where she is rebuffed in much the same
manner. After a third try at another department store in the mall, she had become disgusted. Leaving the mall,
she drove to K-Mart.
Marching up to the sales clerk, she unbuttoned and threw open her blouse, yelling, “Do you have anything for this?” The lady looked closely at her and replied, “Have you tried Clearasil?”

On their honeymoon, the blonde bride slipped into a sexy nightie and, with great anticipation, crawled into bed, only to find her new Catholic husband had settled down on the couch.

When she asked him why he was apparently not going to make love to her, he replied, 'It's Lent.'

In tears, she sobbed, 'Well, that is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard! Who did you lend it to, and for how long?

 

 

A man arrives at the gates of Heaven.

St. Peter asks, “Religion?”

“Methodist,” the man says.

St. Peter looks down his list, and says, “Go to Room 24, but be very quiet as you pass Room 8.”

Another man arrives at the gates of Heaven.

“Religion?”

“Baptist.”

“Go to Room 18, but be very quiet as you pass Room 8.”

A third man arrives at the gates.

“Religion?”

“Jewish.”

“Go to Room 11, but be very quiet as you pass Room 8.”

The man says, “I can understand there being Different rooms for different religions, but why must we all be quiet when we pass Room 8?”

“Well, the Catholics are in Room 8,” St. Peter replies, “and they think they’re the only ones here.”

 

 

Two guys from OS were having a conversation about sex.

One was somewhat younger than the other guy.

It's rumored that the older guy lives somewhere in Mass.

1st: Yessir, I did it three times last night with a 30 year old!

2nd: You’re kidding! I can’t even manage to do it once! What’s your secret?

1st: Well, the secret is to eat lots of whole-wheat bread. I’m not kidding!

So the second old man rushed to the store.

Clerk: May I help you?

Old man: Yes, I’d like four loaves of whole-wheat bread, please.

Clerk: That’s a lot of bread! It’s sure to get hard before you’re done!

Old man: Damn! Does EVERYONE know about this except me?

The birthday present

 

He– It’s coming up on your birthday and I’d like some idea of what you would like for your birthday.

She– I want a divorce!!

Pause–

He– I’m really sorry, but I hadn’t planned to spend that much.

 

You know, I think I can hear the OS Women's Chorale singing.

At first I was afraid,
I was petrified!
When you said you had 10 inches, lord I almost died.
But I’d spent so many years just waiting for a man that long,
that I grew strong…
and knew that I could take you on
BUT THERE YOU ARE
Another lie
I was ready for a Big Mac and you brought me a French Fry,
I should have known that it was bullsh#t,
just a sad pathetic dream,
Should have known there was no anaconda lurking in your jeans,
Go on now go….walk out the door!
don’t you promise me 10 inches and then give me only 4!
You are such a twat to think that I wouldn’t find it out,
Don’t you know we’re only joking when we say size doesn’t count?
I will survive,
I will survive!
As long as I have all my batteries,
my sex life’s gonna thrive!
I will always have good sex
with a handful of latex!
I will survive
I will survive!
HEY HEY!

This is how there are here in WI~~

A woman from Wisconsin had 50 yard line tickets for the Super Bowl. As she sat down, a man came along and asked her if anyone is sitting in the seat next to her.
"No," she said, "the seat is empty."

"This is incredible," said the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Super Bowl, the biggest sporting event in the world, and not use it?"

Somberly, the woman says, "Well... the seat actually belongs to me. I was supposed to come here with my husband, but he passed away. This is the first Super Bowl we have not been to together since we got married in 1967."
 
"Oh I'm sorry to hear that, that's terrible. But couldn't you find someone else - a friend or relative or even a neighbor to take the seat?" The woman shakes her head,
"No, they're all at the funeral."

 

Well, I have to go repair a refrigerator that isn't cooling so, I'll leave you with this~~

Who do you think will be dining on this after the game~~

CROW EAT 

Remember, if you're going to drive, don't get shit faced or this will happen

SHITFACED 

See ya.

 

 

 

Your tags:

TIP:

Enter the amount, and click "Tip" to submit!
Recipient's email address:
Personal message (optional):

Your email address:

Comments

Type your comment below:
Not only speechless, I'm gaspless.
Matt, I didn't mean to say that you're a leftover.lol
It just came out that way.
How ya doon wit dat blonde on da beach?
Good grief. Not you again. ;)
OK, this was a hoot! That's midwesternese for funny as hell. Thanks, now I'm going to get my brat burgers and kraut ready for tomorrow.
And a very bad, politically incorrect joke from when I lived in Sturgeon Bay--
What do you call a young woman from Green Bay who's 5 foot 2 and 180 lbs?
Answer: Anorexic
Don't know how I landed here. Thanks for the giggles. This reminded me how I learned to mind my own business.

I was walking past the mental hospital the other day and all the patients were shouting, "13...13...13". The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a little gap in the planks, so I looked through to see what was going on.

Some idiot poked me in the eye with a stick!

Then they all started shouting "14...14...14".
Funny.
I won't be watching the game.
so there will be plenty of time for amusements.
How can I get in touch with the woman who wants the 10 inches? I don't have ten inches, but I can do here twice!
Watch out guys.
Seems as if we've waded into a nest of sexfiendettes.

This keeps up (no, not that), it might even get me to believe in prayer.lol
At least her bra size wasn't QuadA/Inverted. Sheesh.
So I guess you have been praying.....
Heading out to buy some whole-wheat bread. I won't be buying it from Robin Mahfood.
::ohhhooohhooohahhahahaaahhhaaahoohoohoooaaahaaa::

The post AND the comment string are worth saving. I love that widow at the 50 yd line, it's better than a poke in the eye!! (@Itried, toooo funny) 15-15-15-...
I only make blogs for the comments.
What Matt almost said ...
What Matt almost said ...
Between you Matt, Cranky and Walter.. you could have a chorus line here and kick down the door of Room 8 hahah
Rated with hugs
Laughing.......but the 13 had me laughing out loud!
73% of women responded that they’d rather watch Sunday’s big game than have sex...

That happens to be the exact same percentage of how many women are heterosexuals. How surprising! ::eye roll::
Damn, Amy.
That just sucks.
At least I hope so.
Sorry xjs, I really did like this and somehow I went whizzing by without rating or commenting. I'm straight and I'll take the sex first. Go Pack!
Thanks for starting my morning with a laugh. You're nuts!!
Sheesh!!
Fay says I started her morning with a laugh at my nuts.
mummblegrummblemmfmfmnf
You "dropped a bollock" with the title but hopefully Matt P understands the fopar - the post was great though and "had me in stitches" again.

"Now FRed try to press send just the once this time or we'll annoy the nice folk in the Colonies".