At three in the morning my walls start to breathe. The white walls are cracked and growing. Towering above me, the walls keep me awake. The silence is loudly disrupting any hope of a full night’s rest. Outside my bedroom window, the leaves applaud and the branches sing as they tap… Read full post »

Am I too filled with emotion? I was mistaken in thinking that I was suddenly voided by it all, but now I think I see it clearer. I think my emotions are like colors, all mixed together to create a muddled brown. It’s boring and undesirable—exactly how I feel.

Why… Read full post »

I stared at my lap as she combed her fingers through my hair. She had a gentle touch. Almost too gentle, like she was afraid she’d break my hair. I moved to the sink and she begun to wash my hair. Suddenly, a black towel started to creep over my head,… Read full post »

A couple times I’ve followed a woman to our mutual parking garage after work. Dressed in flats and a black pencil skirt, she looks slightly out of place. Her long, shiny, brown hair looks manageable. A silver E hangs from the keys she carefully clutches in her left hand. She looks/… Read full post »

It was Valentine’s day and I was sitting in a suburban Christian “nightclub” called Azure. Feeling completely out of place, I was sitting in the back of the room playing Clue on my cell phone, waiting for my best friend’s boyfriend to finish playing with his band. Three or fou… Read full post »

I can’t get through my day without submersing myself amongst the cold sheets and letting my off-key symphonic brain waves take over. I go to a place I haven’t had to visit in months, but I don’t stay for long. Seconds pass and I’m already falling backwards into a realm that… Read full post »

He plucks the strings on his violin and all I can think of is our winter lunches. The slush filling my black ballet flats, the salt staining the bottoms of my business-casual pants; I grab at the door handle of your green Accord, yanking and squealing for you to unlock the… Read full post »

Through the crack in the wall, I can see him. He bites his nails; sometimes he smiles and I wonder why. I see only fragments of a man I want to know more. He’s quiet and mysterious. His laughter is deep and his words are carefully chosen. Sometimes I look through… Read full post »

You kept asking me what was on my mind last night. You said you are willing to talk, but it seems you will only speak when spoken to; even then, you don’t have any answers. I want to crack your shell, but first I have to climb the walls you have… Read full post »

Believing is for those with faith.

On the other hand,

My faith is relative to your smile.

Believing only occurs when your

Mouth is on mine

Interlocking lips

Tongue-tied.

Even then, my faith waivers.

Is it so hard to believe?

Out of nowhere comes

The opportunity of a lifetime

A little glimmer of hope in

An otherwise meaningless existence?

The timing couldn’t be more opportune. Or

Is it slightly peculiar?

Forever will be the question on my brain.

Nothing can stop this train now… Read full post »

Just give into the

Realistic idea of love I

Tell myself.

Fallacies. All of love is a fallacy.

Show me the feeling on paper and I’ll

Happily believe this racing heart is

Only warning me of

Future bliss and

Eternal happiness.

Until then, I’m empty. Read full post »

I need words

to make me feel better

I’m shallow

And superficial

And I need you

To recant my fallacies.

I’m floating in a sea

Of insecurity and depression

And you hold out your hand

Expecting me to give.

I’ve given into the empty promises

And I pray they are fulfilled

As… Read full post »

A frozen pond sits amongst the green grass of spring.

A lonely man skates across

Wondering when he can swim.

His skates are dull and old.

He visits the pond every day.

It’s still frozen

Despite his constant pleas.

Only the pond can unfreeze itself

He comes to understand.

Losing hope,… Read full post »

Cindy, Daniel, and Sarah all shared an umbrella with me as we stood outside in the freezing rain. The doors were supposed to open at 7, but we were still lined up outside at 7:30. At this point in the evening, no one was really looking forward to seeing Ben Folds… Read full post »

Your face is replaced by his when I try and remember your laugh. He is a man I never wish to encounter for the rest of my life. I cannot explain just how shitty of a friend he was, but I really think I could’ve loved everything about him, if he… Read full post »

I don’t want to tell anyone about you, but it’s so hard to hide this excitement. For forty hours a week, you sit less than three feet from me, and it’s undeniably hard to resist you in our brief encounters. This isn’t like the time before. This is real. This is… Read full post »

The creativity has stopped. I’ve never been the most creative person; that’s why I almost exclusively write about myself. But now the ideas are gone. I’m not having coherent thoughts. My brain has turned into a tiny track with one little blue car circling it in a rapid fashion. Its… Read full post »

After years of “dealing” with my anxiety, I broke down and made a semi-tearful phone call to the first psychiatrist covered by my insurance. Whilst in his office three weeks later, he came to the rousing discovery that I am merely a blood-filled vessel of anxiety. He explained how exactly… Read full post »

Something I’ve always wished for, aside from happiness, is a stronger sense of family values. I want to be able to recognize my cousin in public. I want to know that he’s married and has a child. My mother is the black sheep of her family, and coincidently, I am the… Read full post »

“I’d like to read some of your writing,” he said.

“Well, I have plenty of things you can read,” I replied, briefly considering giving him the web address to one of my blogs.

As I searched through my files, I suddenly realized, I have nothing I can let him read. Here… Read full post »

You should’ve known better. When I see you, something new is ignited; something old is reignited. I can’t help that I’m female, and recently jilted. I just wanted to touch. I just wanted to look. I just wanted to be touched.

“Can I crash here?” you asked.

“Do you… Read full post »

Kid,

Get out while you still can.

Stop thinking and just do.

Don’t give attention to men with androgynous names. Their eloquent words will trick you.

Pay more attention.

Just because you pay for school, doesn’t guarantee you’ll learn anything.

Ask questions.

Stand up for yourself… Read full post »

“The project is priority,” the words ooze out of my team lead’s condescending smile as she pokes her head into my cubicle. I swivel back to my computer, immediately halting the ever-important onion conversation I was having with my cubicle neighbor. If I were a ghost, I’d haun… Read full post »