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Patrick Hahn

Patrick Hahn
Location
Addis Ababa, Ethiopia
Bio
I used to wash trucks for a living.

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APRIL 1, 2009 6:13AM

Remembering Uncle Walter

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cigarette
 

Reading this article in Discover magazine about life extension made me think of my Uncle Walter, simply because he was the absolute antithesis of the ideas presented therein.

Uncle Walter married my mother’s sister, my Aunt Nancy, when I was a little boy. He had grown up amid crushing poverty, back when being poor didn’t you couldn’t afford an xBox, it meant you couldn’t afford food. When things got too bad for him, he would go to a café and ask a sympathetic waitress to bring him a glass of hot water. He would then add ketchup to it to make “tomato soup.” This may have something to do with the fact that his adult height never exceeded five foot one.

The army was his avenue of escape. He dropped out of school and enlisted at the age of seventeen. His hitch was almost up when they had a little incident at Pearl Harbor. He ended up staying in for over five years.

Once, they dumped him and three of his buddies on an ammo barge and then forgot about them and left them there for four days with no food, no water, and no shade. They rigged up a makeshift shelter to escape the tropical sun, but it was so tiny that only one man could sit under it at a time. They could have swam for it, but the sharks would have taken care of them before they reached the shore. To add to the excitement, the Japanese warplanes were circling overhead constantly. One spark and they all would have been ashes. He survived. Another time he had a load of shrapnel blown into him. He survived that, too.

I think that having stared death in the face at such a young age left a lasting mark on Walter. He certainly didn’t seem to regard death as an enemy to be vanquished. He smoked like a chimney, drank like a fish, ate whatever he wanted, and never exercised if he could help it.

Like millions in his generation, Walter gave up the religious faith of his forefathers as soon as he reached adulthood. He had some hair-raising stories about the sadistic nuns who taught him when he was a little boy, but I don’t really know what his metaphysical views were. I do know that he once told the Jehovah’s Witness who came to his door, “Look – The Man Upstairs – I wanna have a talk with him, I have a talk with him. If he listen, he listen. If he don’t, he don’t.”

(Of course, to get the full effect, you have to read the above lines with a thick South Boston Accent.)

After the war, Walter returned to the United States, married, and fathered four children. That marriage ended in divorce. He second wife died of cancer. He married Aunt Nancy when he was just past forty, and they stayed together until death did them part.

More than a decade after they got married, Nancy went back to school part-time and became a registered nurse at the age of 50. Walter became a parking garage attendant at the hospital where she worked so they could go to and from work together. They weren’t much to look at, and certainly Walter never achieved much by the standards of a status-conscious world, but they loved the hell of out each other. We boys always were happy to see them, for no reason whatsoever other than they were always happy to see us.

His relations with his own family were no so felicitous. I believe he was estranged from his own children for most of his life. I know that both of his sons were war heroes in Viet Nam. The older one came home and had a successful career, while the younger one spiraled into addiction and homelessness before ending his life at the age of 33.

After Walter died from complications from emphysema, there was some funny business about the title to the house Nancy owned when she married him, and which by then was worth a fortune. (Are you kidding me? Waterfront property fifteen minutes from downtown Boston? The developers didn’t even want the house. They just wanted the land, so they could knock down the house and put up a McMansion in its place.) I won’t go into the details, but suffice it to say that some people committed acts which today would land them in jail for elder abuse. The upshot was that Nancy got to live in the house until the end of her life, but when she died, those of us on her side of the family saw very little of the money.

But I don’t want to go into that here. I’d rather remember the good times.

So I had to chuckle when I read this article. I know that we are all supposed to pretend that we are going to live forever, that death is this rare and preventable anomaly, but you know something? I think hanging in there until sixty-five was enough for Uncle Walter. He’d seen a lot of this world, both the good and the bad, and I think he was ready to meet “The Man Upstairs.”
















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Patrick,

You are right in questioning the value of strategies to extend life ad infinitum. Life in years beyond the mid 70s is not for the faint of heart. For everyone venturing into that territory it is an experience that is fraught with increasing disability, declining health, and dependency on others. A glaring statistic that is burned into my mind is that 30% of those over 70 years old will eventually break their hip and among those that do, a large percentage will never return to their pre-fracture levels of functioning. When one compounds that with increasing impairment of all of the senses, declining function of the various organ systems, and diminishment of cognitive function, one must question why one would want to live that way, especially one, who had lived in a body that was strong and robust a decade or two earlier. There are high rates of depression among the elderly and with a little contemplation, the reasons are obvious.

We are having difficulty as a society concerning when to say stop to extreme medical interventions for the elderly that simply extend a life for a few days or weeks. And in the few cases where the individual survives the crisis, they are so debilitated that they have no choice but to go to a long term care facility where there their quality of life and dignity is greatly diminished. Even with extremely ill patients who have explicitly made their wishes clear concerning extreme measures of life support, I have seen their wishes frequently violated by concerned family members who somehow think, against all odds, their elderly loved one can be eventually restored to a satisfying level of functioning. They are falling for the very worst type of Ponzi scheme and we, as tax payers that support Medicare, are the ones that are paying for it.

You are right, Patrick, we are all going to die. Your Uncle Walter might have made some foolish decisions in life, but he didn’t end it not knowing what his name was or having to have his butt wiped by someone else. Perhaps it is a good thing he was not a reader of Discover magazine.
I want to go out swinging my sword and will take the steps required to make sure that is so. No minimum wage slave is going to be flipping me over to avoid bed sores. What good is life is you can't enjoy it? monkey fingered.
Patrick: Your story elegantly describes the personal side of larger issues that mikek deftly explains -- the place where morals and emotions run into medicine, money and technology. It's a difficult place with no easy answers.

Two poets come to mind: Dylan Thomas, who urged his dying father to "rage, rage against the dying of the light," and Randy Newman, who, sitting at a similar bedside, had this to say:
"Won't be no God to comfort you / You taught me not to believe that lie / You don't need anybody / Nobody needs you / Don't cry old man don't cry / Everybody dies."

Two different sensibilities, different directives, if you will. All they have in common is anguish, as inescapable as death.