I have great affection for office-wide emails. In my seven years at the job I currently hold, I've kept a file of some of my favorites. You can learn a lot from a person by what they choose to disseminate office wide and I've been blessed with an eclectic crew of co-workers who have broken the montony by writing curious things to "everyone".

Here are a few. I've edited out last names for fear that one of the 60 or so mostly computer unsavvy people would somehow stumble upon this blog and be offended. 

Of Horses and Absences (I didn't know who the author or the subject of this missive was at the time I received it):

From: Bonnie                                                                                                                        Sent: Tuesday, February 03, 2004 8:12 AM
To: NW-Missoula; NW-Helena
Subject: Call from Moriah

Received call from Moriah, has injured horse that has to go to the vet.  She will be in ASAP. 

 From: Bonnie                                                                                                                         Sent: Tuesday, February 03, 2004 12:04 PM
To: NW-Helena; NW-Missoula
Subject: Moriah out of the office.

Moriah found a vet that would see her horse earlier this afternoon.

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Cranky Pants

2004 was a hard year for Juanita. Staff behavior was so unruly that she sent out three exasperated messages to us. I wanted to give her a hug (and I wasn't responsible for ANY of these shenanigans, btw):

From: Juanita_(MT)
Sent: Wednesday, March 17, 2004 5:17 PM
To: NW-Missoula
Subject: FYI

Okay!

I can't contain myself any longer.  Whoever uses plates, cups, glasses, silverware, etc. from the kitchen and then puts them in the sink and not in the dishwasher is not being considerate of their co-workers.  Someone else (a co-worker) has to take the time to clean up after you....the janitorial staff is not being paid to do it, nor does your mother come in and do it.  If you are able to take plates, cups, glasses, silverware, etc. out of the cupboards or drawers, you are able to put them in the dishwasher.  If you do not know how to load the dishwasher, just ask, I'll gladly teach you.  If the dishwasher is running when you take your stuff to the kitchen there is liquid dish detergent available to hand wash your dishes.  If you use them you are responsible for their care.

From: Juanita_(MT)
Sent: Thursday, June 10, 2004 2:44 PM
To: NW-Missoula
Subject: FYI to Santa Fe Building Employees

                        WHO LET THE PIGS IN?

Once again dirty dishes were left in the sink.  A dinner plate was in the left sink, a cup (tall with Christmas decor) and a spoon were in the right sink.  It only takes a second longer to put them in the dishwasher and saves others from picking up after you.  I left them there, so you can clean up after yourself.

 From:  Juanita_(MT)
Sent: Thursday, September 30, 2004 9:55 AM
To: NW-Missoula
Subject: Missing?

Has anyone seen the box of stamps that was on the counter in the downstairs Santa Fe copy room behind the reception desk?  It had a 'Faxed" stamp, a "copy" stamp, an _{NAME OF MY COMPANY} address stamp, a "Draft" stamp, etc. in it that was shared by all.  We have also lost the heavy duty stapler and a heavy duty 3 hole punch out of that room.  I appreciate the fact that you may need these items, but it is really helpful if they are in an area where we can all share.  Saves the company money by not having to buy multiples of these items.  If you save the company money, you may have some of it returned to you in the form of wages.  Think about it.

Juanita

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I had to keep them somewhere and I didn't want my wife to find them at home....

From: Denise_(MT)
Sent: Thursday, September 13, 2007 10:39 AM
To: NW-Missoula
Subject: RE: BIG BLACK BAG ?????

Does anyone know about the big black bag full of coffee cans of “syringes” behind the Reception desk ???????  Please advise as to what to do with them ????? 

Thank you…

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 "I" don't "remember" having that PROBLEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

From: Denise_(MT)
Sent: Friday, September 16, 2005 9:19 AM
To: NW-Missoula
Subject: Re "Faxing"

  Good Morning, Everyone.......
I am understanding that "we" are having problems "faxing more than 10 copies at a time??" on both copiers???  I spoke with Leane at Office Solutions this morning and she said:  "Before you are doing a fax job this morning, to shut the machine down and wait a couple of seconds....turn it on and continue with your faxing.......... "

Can I ask you to please e-mail me or call me  and let me know if your faxes are going thru..(preferrably those over 10 pages) so I can let Leane know if they need to send someone...

Thank you !!! and have a wonderful day!
Denise

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This came from corporate so you KNEW it was a big deal.......

From: Rose_(MD)
Sent: Friday, July 01, 2005 12:16 PM
To: ALL-Corporate Wide
Subject: Urgent Security Reminder
Importance: High

Disruptive and/or obnoxious products such as "stink bombs", etc. will not be permitted.  Management has the right to dismiss any person or persons exhibiting an undesirable or illegal product or products.  This act is against Security and the Facilities Department and will not be tolerated.

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This is still an open, ongoing investigation

From: Donna_(MT)
Sent: Wednesday, January 11, 2006 5:06 PM
To: NW-Missoula
Subject: Plugged Toilets

 Hi All,

The plumbing in this building is less than adequate as many of you know.  In the last two days the upstairs women’s (men’s) toilet has been plugged up.  The first day the clog was caused from salsa and today soup (so I’m told).  Please only use the toilets for human waste only.