I feel strangely saddened and lonesome now that Andrew Breitbart has blocked me from following him on Twitter.

And I'm not even joking.

Ever since the videos of his unhinged, irate, quasi-lunatic verbal diarrhea aimed at Max Blumenthal and Mike Madden were posted on Salon, I found myself strangely charmed by his recklessness, his mad scientist persona and his complete devotion to a pre-conceived political narrative in which liberals wield power through racial politics. The ridiculousness of him is almost intoxicating – and so I quite eagerly added him to my Twitter feed.

I am not a political blogger or someone who has many followers (think I'm at 19 now). I'm a little minnow in the Twitter pond whose replies are never acknowledged by the 27 Twitter accounts I follow. But it's not from lack of trying. I TRY so hard to be witty in my character-restricted responses. The people I follow, however, are far too busy and important to ever retweet me or even reply. Sad face.

The following/followers dynamic of Twitter reminds me of high school. Those with followers in the 1,000's are the glitterati of the school – the jocks, the popular kids, the rich kids, etc. They follow each other and comment or retweet each other incestuously as their banter slowly gains a following. (Roger Ebert is a noted and wonderful exception to this phenomenon, he retweets followers every day.)

So it was with pure unadulterated excitement that none other than Andrew Breitbart retweeted a reply I sent to him. My heart (with its recently-repaired atrial septal defect), was racing. This coarse blowhard with more than 17,000 followers retweeted a comment from little old me, sitting at home in my downtrodden, unemployed state. He saw potential in me! He cared. He wanted his 17,000 followers to know what I thought about him.

Not only that, but he retweeted me two more times and replied directly to me a few others. If you don't mind, I will re-live the most glorious post-laid off week of my life with a re-cap of our interaction. I do this more for my own sense of nostalgia than for your enjoyment as a reader because the wit I employ is weak.

I suppose some background information is in order first. If you follow Breitbart, you soon realize that he tweets just like he acts – obsessively, barely comprehensibly and, most importantly, self-righteously. He is convinced that Eric Boehlert of Media Matters is THE key target for his crusade and frequently goes after him (well, the two actually go after each other in a way where you can almost cut the sexual tension with a knife).

Last Friday, Breitbart launched a series of Tweets at Boehlert for some reason or another. Like all within a few minutes of each other. I could actually picture him sitting in the tub with his laptop staring at his Twitter feed after each post waiting for Boehlert to reply and, when he didn't, he'd fire off another one hoping to finally instigate a response.

I felt the need to comment on this behavior and wrote:

Stunningly, he retweeted me! The first (and, still, only) person to retweet me. Unswayed by my observation, Breitbart continued his compulsive angry need to rip into Boehlert with at least three additional tweets. With my ego swelling, I replied again:

@andrewbreitbart I'm assuming @ericboehlert is getting the paperwork done for the restraining order. Exactly how THIN is your skin?4:56 PM Apr 23rd

Again a retweet! I was flying high. I'd finally penetrated into the new media talkingheadosphere. I could already see the NY Times blogger debate unfolding. Then, to my utter astonishment, Breitbart replied directly to me.

AndrewBreitbart @yablonowitz said the guy whose last 3 tweets are about me, someone who has never met you nor cares a whit about you.5:22 PM Apr 23rd

I think I treasure this one the most because of it's awesomeness – the misspelling of “wit” and the notion that I might find it insulting that he doesn't care about me. (Actually, I do now, but I didn't at the time).

So I suddenly, and for the first time, got pretty hooked on Twitter. Interacting with a bone fide deranged new media mogul was a thrill. I would reply to about every other Tweet from Breitbart, hoping for another response from someone who should be, like all the other People of Status on Twitter, completely ignoring me.

Another obsession of Breitbart's is his conviction that “the left” wields immense power over, and I'm not kidding here, white men who disagree with them by calling them racists. In Breitbart's universe, the new victimized demographic are white men. He's obsessed with finding proof that “the left” bashes its opponents by convincing the media that they (ie – mostly white men) are racists (his current focus is on disproving the widely circulated claim that black congressmen on their way to the health care bill vote were called the “n” word.)

I took issue:

@andrewbreitbart Keep shining that light on white, male victimhood. I mean, just look at all the homosexual, black conservatives at Goldman.9:11 AM Apr 26th 

He replied: 

@yablonowitz goldman, that bastion of democratic party donations? i'm now associated with them? talk about sophistry.9:13 AM Apr 26th

@andrewbreitbart Nice try. Would prefer if you ripped on Dems for Goldman connections rather than defend the most well-off demographic.9:34 AM Apr 26th 

 As I recount this, tears are welling in my eyes. Look what we had together. Meaningless, abbreviated, insignificant dialogue. But I'll take any dialogue on Twitter I can get. I continued to try to engage Breitbart, I was honored he was even talking to me. I was getting new followers. I was on top of the world.

Somewhere, though, it all went bad. I think it was my obsessiveness with him. I became  Andrew Breitbart and I think that is what, ultimately, caused him to block me. Either that or the fact that I made a couple of remarks admiring the hair quality of the people who work for him.

To wit:

@andrewbreitbart I will give you this - you and your staff have the best hair in the blogosphere.10:15 AM Apr 26th 

@yablonowitz you're on fire! i can tell you're smarting at your confidence to attack me head-on. fight on!10:16 AM Apr 26th

 @andrewbreitbart I'm too intimidated by your Brentwood "boostraps" hardship life to fight you head on.11:20 AM Apr 26th

(I misspelled “bootstraps” Ooops!)

@andrewbreitbart @jamesokeefe Hairstyles of the white and angry.#1970s, #angularhair, #prell http://twitpic.com/1iqhb 35:21 PM Apr 26th 

@andrewbreitbart Are you in the bath, tweeting, with your champagne right now? Cuz that is the hottest way to take down liberal elites. 10:58 AM Apr 27th

When he gets out of the tub @EricBoehlert When will @andrewbreitbart correct this 100% fake report from his site?http://tinyurl.com/2ewjozj9:26 AM

Those items sound more like what you two need to play Twister. @andrewbreitbart @EricBoehlert You have a pager, a countdown clock & lotion.10:03 AM Apr 28th

 Thinking of naming my chicken "Breitbart". See who lays more eggs per day. @andrewbreitbart2:02 PM Apr 28th

 (It's true, we're getting chickens!)

@andrewbreitbart Jim Hoft may win biggovernment.com staff hairstyle contest. Which is quite an honor considering the competition.6:42 PM Apr 28th

Now somewhere in that series of unreplied-to tweets, Breitbart turned on me. What I had thought was at least a light-hearted tete a tete apparently got too uncomfortable/irritating for Breitbart and the next thing I see is:

@yablonowitz blocked. bye!10:06 PM Apr 28th  

He didn't even give me a reason. He just dumped me. Out in the cold. No more retweets, no more replies, no more acknowledgment in the Twitterverse of my existence. What did I do wrong? Was it the hair jokes? I mean look at this guy:

Not only did Jim Hoft write a completely ridiculous article about a “SWAT” team that the Obama Administration deployed to fend off old lady tea partiers (entirely false), but he was yet another biggovernment.com writer with very impressive hair. What's more, if it IS the hair, than Breitbart has serious blinders on because, just the next day, he made fun of Eric Boehlert's beard and another follower's mullet.

He's been called an asshole, a racist, a douchebag, and many, many other names from followers that he doesn't block.

What did I do, Andrew? Why you got to do a brother like that?

I kind of like you, man.