:-) You are giving up your power to convey emotional heft with your vocabulary. Are you insisting that I laugh, now, here, at this point? This symbol is akin to a visual laugh track.
:o) You are surrendering your ability to articulate, saying, in effect, “I give up – I knew majoring in English in college would land me a job at Burger King.”
o/\o You are trying to be cool, even though your kids don’t even use emoticons anymore. It’s like a 60-something year old man wearing an earring (yes, I’m talking about you, Harrison Ford).
:-( Are you saying you’re sad? ‘Cause I just couldn’t tell from that disturbing, moving, affecting, heartbreaking, text you just sent me.
*<l:-) Oh, for God’s sake, just f***ing tell me what you want for Christmas.
I rest my case.