There’s been a lot of hoopla about a certain book that everyone (and their mother) is reading. Some book about sexual proclivities or something like that. But I prefer to keep it on the up and up, so to speak. So, when I was hallucinating, recently, this is what I thought I heard:
(1) I give it a 75 – the seats were hard and, man, they were uncomfortable.
(2) How ‘bout an 80? There was a cool view of the planes taking off and landing from LaGuardia.
(3) Very noisy, all those jet engines. Make that 80 a 70.
(4) I say 88 – the hot dogs were pretty good.
(5) Nah. A 65. Cause of the Mets.
(6) Actually, 43. Because of the Mets.
(7) What about the Beatles? Didn’t they play there in 1965? I give it a 95 just for that.
(8) 58. The parking was ridiculous.
(9) 78. At least it was near Elmhurst Hospital. In case you had a heart attack. You know. ‘Cause of the Mets.
(10) 62. ‘Cause of the traffic on the Grand Central Parkway. You woulda died before you ever made it to Elmhurst.
(11-47) I got two words for you: the Mets. A 35.
(48) What about the 1969 Mets? Ya gotta give it a 100 for that.
(49) OK,I’ll give you that. Then 79, cause Citifield ain’t Shea.
(50) Look, bottom line is, the Mets. That’s all I gotta say. I give it a fifty. Not even a ‘ballpark’ figure. A fifty. Period.
“Ballpark.” Good one. I’m hungry. Let’s eat.