Thursday nite I came home from work feeling like shit. I had severe sore throat, unbearable headache and weak muscles. As soon as I got home I told my husband "We are ordering in! No cooking!!!" After our dinner I popped up one tylenol pm. I needed it!!!!!
Naturally I passed out while I was watching last episode of the gayest Project Runway which I had recorded couple days ago.
OH BOY! Thanks to Tylenol! I had dreams! Zombies! Hot vampires! and A deliciously handsome werwolf!!! I think I got it on with sizzling-hot werwolf!!! I'm not sure I was under influence of medication.
In the middle of the night I woke up with the urge of peeing!! My stomach was swollen. I was very groggy and sweaty! My room was dark! I sneezed!!! OMG! I sneezed out little pumpkins from my petite nose---OH! They were covered with glitter. I realized I was HIGH on tylenol-pm.--- I liked it! :):):)
I barely walked to restroom. I sat down to pee. ( Yeah! I sit down when I pee! Don't judge me!!!) I peed almost ten minutes. It felt sooo good!.
Alarm went off at 6 am. It was time to get up. I couldn't even move. My body felt very heavy. My husband stretched himself next to me. He hugged me and said "Let's stay like this for five minutes" That was the story of our every morning except I was HIGH!
Tell me! Is it possible to fly in someone's arm? ---I don't know but that happened to me this morning. I was FLY--INGGGG!!!
I realized I wasn't in a good shape to go to work. In seven years I had never called in sick. Well! It was time! Not to mention Halloween parties were starting tonite. I didn't want to miss anything. I was hoping by staying all day home would cure me!!! There was no way I could miss halloween festivities!! I missed these parties for thirty-one years!
YES! We didn't have Halloween in my country. (Shit happens!)
I had never knocked the neighbor's door and screamed "Trick or Treat!!!", when I was six years old.
I had never purged beer at Halloween parties when I was teenager.
OR!-- I had never sticked faux-spider web around my towel at West Side Club and given anonymous blow jobs when I was twenty years old. All those fun memories were stolen me just because I was from another country.
I missed all that!!! I certainly was NOT going to miss one more year. There were bottles of vodka waiting for me to finish this weekend!!! I was going to fight with this DAMN FLU.
Our morning was chaotic as usual! I love my husband but he gets tense while getting ready for work. Meantime! I popped another tylenol-pm. I couldn't wait him to leave the apartment.
As soon as he left, I turned TV on. Here I was in my bed wearing my sweat pants, watching the rest of Project Runway!! LIFE WAS BEAUTIFUL!
Suddenly I remembered to call work. With out calling my boss it can't be called "calling in sick". I was too tried to talk. I decided to text her, but something was terribly wrong! I couldn't FIND my arms! I mean! I couldn't feel my arms.
Finally I reached to my cell phone. I texted " I feel reaaaa--ly badd! I will stuuy hume today!!" Text was full spelling mistakes!!!!! OH BOY! Don't you LOVE tylenol!! I giggled!! -Tee heee heee!
I LOVED! LOVED! AND LOVED the feeling. Let me tell you something! Even Barbara Walters looked spring chicken to me! YESSS! I watched the View and I loved it. With my tylenol high EVEN Whoopi Goldberg looked like a real woman!!!!
Although I was very emotional. When I saw Michael Kors & Nina Garcia picked that bitch Gretchen's collection over Mundo's, I cried!!!! HOW DARE THEY!!!!! F-YOU Project Runway!
As I write this I'm in bed still sneezing glitter pumpkins!! This is my best Friday ever!!!!! I just saw the bottom of bottle of cough medication. Ooppsiiee!!!
P.S. Are you familiar to feeling like ....? When I stay home long time with doing almost nothing, all of sudden I get strong urge of masturbation. You know!!!.... I'm sure you know this feeling. I normally do it and get over with it. NOT with tylenol!!!!! I couldn't get it up!!!
Well! As they say __"Every rose has it's own thorns!!!" ....
TIP:
Enter the amount, and click "Tip" to submit!
Joan Wilder
gail maria
David Dean Bottrell
Steve Katz
Dear reader I married him
kipouros
Salon.com
Comments