Im really the only one Im writing for.   Im letting my fingers tell the story of who I am to my brain.   Im not sure my brain really cares tho.  It seems to go about its business so easily.  Changing the way it works seems to be almost impossible.  Im programmed. 

Robotic actions that repeat over and over are a sign of insanity.  To be human seems to imply that we can change.  Transformation into some other way of living seems to be a goal in many situations.   They say in a good novel  the characters make a change.   The actors in a drama go thru something during a play and in the end the audience sees something different that wasn't there at the beginning.   In a good story there is a  start, middle and end with a plot that develops at some sort of hopeful pace.  

I dont think I am a writer.  I appreciate OS for  being some sort of forum where I can type and look back on the posts as a record of what I have been thinking.   I don't really expect to see a golden transformation from all these posts.  I do enjoy reading where my mind has been.   I've really enjoyed meeting people who love to write about all sorts of things here.  There are some very talented writers and some amazingly touching personal stories.  

A life seems such a small thing sometimes.  I am a drop in the bucket of humanity.   A self centered life focuses inward on surviving.   A life of giving and appreciating focuses on other things.   Judgements of any kind get me in trouble.   It's no big deal that I am a big lady.  It has been a long journey to get to this point in my life.  Im retired and dealing with my mother and I have time to listen to myself think.  So What?  

Wow   While I was writing this the urge to binge eat passed and I feel better.   I ended up cleaning the refrigerator instead of laying around like a bloated sloth.  There is always HOPE.