My mother's friend broke her hip.  She was out in the yard after dark trying to put some plants in the shed before a freeze and she tripped over the hose.  She laid on the cold ground until she could crawl to the back stairs but realized that she couldn't get up the stairs.  She started to yell and fortunately the neighbor heard her and called 911.

  She had surgery and is now home with a new ball for her hip socket.  She is all alone.  Her friends help when they can.  Her daughter lives in another city. She is procrastinating about getting in the car and driving now.  I see her shutting down with fear.  She is almost eighty.

  Fear has her sitting in her chair with the tv and some books.  Fear has her house immaculate because now she has a housekeeper once a week.  She is one of those ladies who worries about a few leaves on the deck.  She had the housekeeper clean out all her kitchen cabinets.  She is so clean she squeaks.  

 I told her I have a great time on the computer but she just cannot grasp that anything she wants is in that little screen.  She cannot understand that there is a whole universe in there and it could help her with her life right now.  My mother used email for awhile but only seemed interested in the jokes people sent her.  She didn't have any ability to use a search engine either.

  When I got my computer, about 1994, one of the first things I looked at was sex topics.  I wanted to know things and the information was vast and fascinating.  I also wanted to talk to people all over the world and jumped in feet first to social networking.  I can only say that the computer is more than a highway for neurotic shut ins but if you are one then you should get on that highway and put in some miles.

  What kind of life have these older women lived?   They took care of a man and made a home.  Some raised a couple kids.  Smart, articulate women who are now adrift.  I know they can still have vibrant lives as I peek into the brains of OS women who are zooming right along even as the years go by.  Living alone isn't really the problem.  It is being tied up to old ways of thinking.

  The fifties gave us a crop of women who have to BE a certain way.  They wanted to get married and that was about that.  If their house is clean and they look good they are happy.  When they can't clean and they have started to sag they feel terrible.  They have nothing else to do.  We told them that would be plenty but we lied.  Cinderella got old and the prince did too.  When he died Cinderella was lost and alone.

  Cinderella needs to know about things.  She needs to get on the computer and expand her mind.  She needs to be part of a community that touches her with hugs and fun.  But she is too nervous.  So she sits at home and waits.  She thinks that it might be nice to go out to dinner with a guy.  Nothing more.  Just a friend to keep company with.  None of that sex stuff of course.  That is just something that you don't talk about and it can get messy.  Heaven forbid we make a mess.

  Here are some poems on this subject...

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