zanelle

zanelle
Location
Alpine, California, United States
Birthday
December 07
Bio
I am here in cyberspace trying to understand the true nature of reality. My artwork can be seen in the blog link below. http://suzannesmith0.wix.com/stucco-by-zanelle#!home/mainPage

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MAY 17, 2012 9:05AM

I want to know who you are...

Rate: 25 Flag

   People are hesitant to reveal too much about themselves.  At a recent party they played the game..."What is your most embarassing moment."  No one wanted to tell.  The intimate times that we bury deep down inside are things we want to hide and cannot be told.

    I like to tell my secrets.  I want to let it all out into the open and see what makes my life tick.  But it can be painful and hurtful to others.  At the party my mom whispered that there were so many embarassing moments in her life that it would be difficult to choose one.  Yes it would because in her mind almost everything I have done has been embarassing.

   I might be delusional but I like all my mistakes.  Some of the men I have been with others wouldn't have touched but I have no regrets.  Some of the risks I took with my jobs and career made me vulnerable to loss.  I am glad I quit and moved on and I can't look back with embarassment.  I was just being honest.

  So when I meet someone I want to know who they are.  I want to know the deepest things about them and not just the surface they project.   I want to know what makes them unique and what forces developed them.  The things they think are embarassing are probably the most interesting and powerful.

   If you do get the chance to sit next to me be prepared to have me gently pry you open and listen to your deepest self.  My mother does this with people because she is curious.  I guess I am too but I don't want just the facts I want the mysteries revealed.  I want to know what makes people tick.  

  The trick is not to judge once you find out who someone is.  I have a problem with that because I can dismiss someone for having the wrong color shirt on.   My daughter did that once.  She broke up with a fellow because he had an ugly orange shirt on.  That was the last straw I guess.  I hope she had more reasons than that for the break up.  

   It takes quite a bit for me not to want to know who you are.  I can take most secrets.  Six years ago I met a fellow online who told me that he had a story to tell me.  He said he had been a bank robber and spent six years in prison and just got out.  I went back to my place and it didn't take me long to be back by his side the next day.  Some secrets are very powerful and most can be forgiven. 

  I heard about a man who passed out postcards with a stamp and his address on them.  He asked people to write a secret on them and send them to him.  He received some amazing secrets and now there is a website for secrets.  http://www.postsecret.com/

His name is Ted and here is the video of his search for secrets.

 
  I loved that last secret that someone sent in.  It was someone telling that they kept the voicemails of people they loved so that if they died they could hear their voice again.  Teary stuff can be revealed in secrets.  If you want to tell me who you are, I'm listening.  

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I am not one to spill my guts to people but like you I own my secrets and mistakes. When people tell me of their mysterious pasts, I know not to judge because they have made themselves vulnerable to me.

I once broke up with a beau because he was too timid of a driver. If he was so cautious and scared on the road I didn't want to follow his lead in life.
Yes, there are all sorts of things revealed as you get to know a person. We all have these deep wells that need to be exposed before a real relationship can happen of any kind. I am still learning things about my mother and each secret that she reveals helps me understand the real her. I even keep secrets from myself!
I'll sit next to you! Your secrets are no longer secret when you share them and sharing can be tremendously liberating.
Okay Zanelle I'll tell. I've been fired 6 times for not playing their games and barking like a dog. I was embarrassed about this until I met Daniel and told him I was fired. He simply said,"Good for you. I'm proud of you. It shows me you are your own woman." Had to stay with that man! I really like your post Z./r
Can't be a secret if I tell you. If you ask me to keep your secret, it stays with me forever. If you want to know something revealing about me....let's see: I am short. I always lie about my height. I am 4'11....but have always said 5 ft. Now that most of the grand kids are taller than me...I have been found out. Besides which as they grow...I shrink. :)
Thanks for bringing up Ted! That's a wonderful story, and the secrets tear your heart out.
I'll tell most of my secrets, but not this one certain one. I will tell it to someone someday, but not until I know they can handle it.
I don't like people who upon meeting you at a party say, "What do you do?" As if we can be judged by our surface accomplishments. As for digging deeper, I prefer if that comes naturally. I keep my secrets for those I love and trust the most.
Well you know I am an open book my friend.. I am not going to be any other way. This guy sounds great and going to read about him.
Took me 7 minutes to get to your page.. Maybe OS can tell their secrets to us..:)
HUGGGGGGGGGGGG
I admire you for being so honest. I am not one for opening up.
Dearest Zanelle.... I loved this. It had a strange, hypnotic rhythm and meter that made me feel like I was on nitrous oxide. I realize that this is why you are such a good artist and writer... Blessings, dear one. How much beauty you bring here.
Hypnotic writing, Zanelle (in a good sense). You will tell me your secrets, all your secrets...
I'll be posting the truth about me throughout the year... not to expose any deep dark secrets, but to help the generations that follow me understand what I did and why I did it in the context of history. Not spilling my guts as in a witness on the stand in front of Perry Mason but just telling it like it was ala Jack Webb/ Walter Cronkite... which shows how old I am.
Very liberating post, zanelle. I felt like I was at one of my high school retreats where we played trust games and got really close.
Thank you for this post. Checking it out. R Duke
I'm more interested in what people reveal about their character and style than in what they tell me. People can tell you anything, and about all that proves is what kind of storyteller they are. How they handles themselves under pressure, or when they think nobody's listening or watching, this I find infinitely more interesting. Probly comes from a career as a newspaper reporter where, as Chicago Guy reminds us in his post today of the old newshound's credo, which is as good today as it ever was: If your mother says she loves you, check it out.
can completely relate Zanelle
I have things I really don't wish to talk about. Things about me I have changed that I am not proud of and no longer make for a useful insight into my "formation," or whatever the hell someone wants to call it. That said, if people ask me a question that asks me to dig deeper, they'd better damn well mean it -- and be ready, 'cuase I got no problems talking about all sorts of whatever to anyone about my life -- mostly. What I won't talk about, no-one will ever truly know, I suppose.

I'll provide my answers in future blogs if you've a mind. I'll spin a tale of truth, ebellished with time, reflection and make it sound exciting if I can. If that don't work, let me razzle dazzle with things I think about and the stories running loose in my head. Take yer pick.

Great little tidbit and point of view, zanelle!

--r--
Most of my secrets are already out in the open in certain circles, but not here, not online.
If you and I were to meet in person, privately, we might both have things to share, tho'.....
r
i love this post.

while i cannot say i am an open book, i don't really have secrets. when i meet new people i rarely volunteer information, because i dont find myself nearly as interesting as i find other people, but if asked i will spill.
I spend too much time having regrets. I am also afraid to have too many other secrets from others. I find that although it helps me and others to unload them, there can be a tremendous responsibility to treat them with care.
After having revealed my entire life in my memoir, I have no secrets, Zanelle. Except I didn't tell anyone yet that I do not erase cherished phone messages, and end up buying new answering machines instead. Silly, huh? Well, I have only two - maybe not so bad.
R♥
I tell all...to a chosen few...and I tell too much to the rest. I'm fascinated by what makes everyone tick, and I wrongly assume others are like me. Big lesson. Some people can't handle the information, and the result is disappointment. My lesson: Selectively tell what I can without expectations. How and what I ASK, though, is another story. I like to give people space.
I had an extremely relevant "moment of knowing" someone this week. Where you might pry someone gently, I was a bit clumbsy and this soul's knowledge blindsided me on an idle Tuesday. I wrote out the events that very night and will post them sometime in the not-so-distant future...perhaps as a semi-fiction piece. But for the moment, we both need a little space from actual events.
Love your beauty of being open: you have a gift for touching others; in your words and in your striking art, I feet the serenity of truth coursing through my veins. BTW, I sense that serious writing has its roots in relating a confession, whether twice told -- or, in the moment of pure revelation. Our friends Truth. Candor. Love. Such wondrous wine ... Thanks for sharing, Z. R >>>>