My dad had a gun.  It was all wrapped up in a soft chamois cloth on the far back shelf of the closet.  I saw it unwrapped once or twice but I don't remember the circumstances. My Dad believed in vigilante justice.  He had been in the Calvary and spent eight years in the jungles of Brazil and was a Navy SeaBee in WWII on Iwo Jima.   He was a responsible gun owner.  It stayed in the back of the closet.

             My mother has that gun now at 94 years old.  It is still in the back of the closet and I think it gives her comfort.  I also think she considers using it to kill herself sometimes.   When she had the pain of shingles in her eye it might have happened. The man next door to her killed himself a few years ago.  I was there the day he did it in his bathroom and his son found him.   I took care of a lady similar to my mother and when she lost her mind we took all the guns out of the house.   My mom still has her mind and deserves to have that gun in her closet.  

            Guns.   Should everyone have a gun?  I imagine a world when they are as common as cel phones.  I also imagine a world with NO guns. 

       The next gun in my life was the shooting of my former boyfriend.   He and I had been together for a couple years in college but drifted apart and he realized he was gay.   I met his new male lover and they were so happy.  Then my friend went to Eastern Washington on a job and someone shot him in the parking lot five times in the back.  

      This happened in the seventies and I don't really know much more.  His lover called me and told me and I mourn his early death today.  

       Another gun belonged to my ex husband.   He had a rifle in Alaska to shoot deer.  It was very difficult for him to shoot a deer as they were beautiful grazing in the grass by our houses.  But he did it and we loved the taste of venison.   He had to carry a gun on his jobs with Fish and Game for bear protection but usually they just used sling shots.  

     In Alaska when you catch a giant 300 or so pound Halibut you need to shoot it in the head before you bring it onboard or it can thrash you to death.   My ex husband found himself hooked to one of those big halibuts in the wilderness where we lived and he had no gun.  So he had to pull the boat to a remote shore and drag the halibut ashore and stone it to death.  

    After twenty five years of marriage I divorced and had a two year long affair with my ex husband's friend.  This is where the next gun in my life appears because Tony had a rifle.   He was a mentally disturbed PTSD Vietnam Veteran and he kept the rifle unassembled so that if he felt he had to use it he had to at least calm down enough to put it together.  

   I saw him drag the pieces out into our living room only once and he fumbled it into some sort of odd shape and then went out into the neighborhood to do battle with some of the gang members that were everywhere up in that area.   They eventually stole the gun from him and everything else he owned.   

     Fred was going to rescue me from Tony.  He tried his best and he is a good friend.  Today he lives in Phoenix and is considered one of the best marksmen in the country.  He has two sponsors who make it possible to go to the meets where he is also a judge.   His Cherokee background may have something to do with his ability to focus.  I know that when he focused on me it was a straight shot to my heart and he hit the target every time.

     Fred would say that if he had a gun in that theater in Aurora the shooter would have been dead immediately.   Fred could have done that.  I don't know if anyone else could be a deadly shot in a crowded theater but I do know that I am happy Fred has a gun with him at all times.  California, like only three other states, has a law that you can't carry a concealed weapon.   This makes it difficult for me to have Fred come visit.  

     My last boyfriend was prohibited from having a gun because he was a felon. In my opinion that is a very good rule. He had robbed eight banks but only with a note.  That is why he only spent six years in prison.   He was a destructive fellow and was capable of hurting people around him without even being aware that he was doing so.   In his mind he was always the hero.  He hated bullies but didn't realize he was one too.   He killed with his automobile and that was deadly enough. 

     I have a big flashlight with a long handle right by my bed.  I used it to threaten the raccoons that came thru the yard lately.   They were impressed.  I don't know if it would deter someone bent on robbing me but I really don't have much to lose anyway.  I know there are people in this neighborhood who probably have guns on the top shelf way back in their closets.  I hope they keep them as peacefully hidden as my father did.