I find it very disturbing that my mother makes fun of some people and loads praise on others. In her view everyone is judged and juried in the first few minutes. Maybe she is a commedian. Her delivery while she is blurting out her descriptions of people would be comical if it weren't so hurtful.
I think she might have a writer's brain. Her running commentary on the world is detailed and descriptive. When I roll my eyes and say "Don't say that so loud, Mom, people can hear you." She just laughs. She likes to be in the spotlight. Maybe she really should have been a circuit judge reigning over her court and sentencing people to their fates.
Her profession was nursing and I am sure her attention to detail and control came in handy on the wards of many hospitals. I bet she didn't miss a thing and to hear her stories some people appreciated that and some did not. She speaks of an orderly who threatened to kill her and brags about being offered the rank of Commander for her work in the Navy.
I am just a lowly pion struggling under her watchful eye and hoping I am not one of her funny people. Frequently I am told that my blouse is just not acceptable or my hair is too yellow. I try very hard to let the things she says slide off my back like water off a duck. I draw the line at racial slurrs and I think we are finally clear on that one at least.
Every day I get the run down on what is happening in her neighborhood. It is never dull. Her poor neighbors would be aghast at how she laughs about their foibles. In a litany of details I hear about how one of them fell off the porch or wandered too far off the lane. She really should write it all down as she thinks it is hilarious.
I don't like to make fun of people. It is in my genes tho because I constantly make fun of her in my own mind. I am someone who does not agree with what she thinks but has the power to lord the truth over her. My truth is respect and peace for all people. I think I am like that in direct rebellion to who she is. I am learning so much from being close to her at the end of our lives. I just want to shake her sometimes and say "Don't be so mean." I need to learn that lesson too.
She likes drama. It is all an epic play where people are tripped up by mistakes they have made and she comes to the rescue of them all. She is very hard on herself too and has no tolerance for weakness. I think it shows great insecurity. I feel sorry for her but it doesn't excuse her smirks and condescending attitude. I am embarassed for her but she shows no remorse.
All my life she has put me down. I am not her victim anymore but I can't see her changing her tune at 94. We all live with our faults and grow old in direct response to our past. Now she has a daughter who makes fun of her on the internet. I think she asked for that. What is my fate if I don't change?