A few years ago my neighbor asked me to make some stucco M&Ms for her mate. I have made all the colors of M&M's over the last few years except ORANGE. I have been putting off finishing the series. I didn't really like the orange M&M.
The Orange M&M is very fearful. The more I learn about it the less I like it . The little hands in white gloves are pressed up to its head and the mouth is in a permanent grimace. I think it comes from its history of being a pretzel M&M at one time. It was the crunchy one and in fear of being eaten too loudly apparently.
In a package of M&Ms today the Orange one is smooth milk chocolate like all the others. There is a new line of pretzel M&Ms in all colors and I have tried them. Delicious. Too good. I can never really buy them again because I would eat them all in one day.
As the weather clears and I can venture in my backyard workshop again I am starting this year's work with the orange m&m. We are friends now. I love the color. It is not a coward color like yellow. It is one step up with courage to make it through the fear. As I sculpt the little hands shielding it from evil and the eyes wide open in terror I honor that fear. No one wants to be crunched. Especially when everyone around you is getting along just fine by melting in your mouth and not in your hands.
Doing Art has been a big constant in my life. I love to manipulate materials. It is better than trying to change the people around me altho that is an Art too. Through it all I am drawn back to the workbench. The Orange M&M needs to be born. I do not like to do crafts. Somehow in my mind these things are Art. I don't really know the difference anymore.
The other thing I make that I question are butterflies. This new batch is boring me already. I made lots of butterflies last summer and they are beautiful with mirrors on their wings catching the light and sturdy for the garden. I have illusions of grandeur about them. In my mind I see them all over town and the world. I have a crew of people hammering them out and painting on the colors. I become the Butterfly Queen.
Then I start making them and the little taps and cuts are fun at first. The first one was fat. Geez. Fat butterfly. How can that be? Art is torture because it shows you exactly who you are. So I tried to slim the other three down and they are all pretty pudgy.
I don't know what Art or Life is anymore. I just do things and try not to judge them or put them down as just silly crafts. That is very difficult to do with objects and with people. I want to change things my way and they keep talking back to me with the truth. I don't want to be the old lady who makes butterflies and candy. Now I have visions of making thousands of butterflies and securing them on a big post like they roost in South America. I need to stretch my mind more and yet at the same time I have to be practical. I just have to not be afraid.