zanelle

zanelle
Location
Alpine, California, United States
Birthday
December 07
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I am here in cyberspace trying to understand the true nature of reality. My artwork can be seen in the blog link below. http://suzannesmith0.wix.com/stucco-by-zanelle#!home/mainPage

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FEBRUARY 4, 2013 10:55AM

Samoas for my Cookie Addiction

Rate: 14 Flag

  I still eat like the same crazy person I was when I started blogging years ago.  I don't know what it is going to take for me to stop eating sweets in large quantities.  If it was easy I guess we wouldn't see so many fat people walking around.

   I bought a bag of cookies at the store last week because I was hunting for something decadent.  My kitchen only had good things to eat on the shelves and I needed my fix.  I was in a hurry and grabbed the bag of chocolate chip cookies.  They almost killed me.  Again.

    Why do I do this?  I eat the whole package as fast as I can.  I savor each bite but I consume them without much passion or sharing.  Then I feel terrible.  I used to be able to overeat with no problem.  Very similar to a drunk who used to be able to hold his liquor.  Now my body rebels. 

    I felt like an Anaconda snake with a big bulge in the middle that would be a whole package of cookies.  I moan and groan and vow never to do it again.  I finally digest the mess and then I feel light again.  I go on about my life and I forget that I am a cookieholic. 

    So when the innocent little girl scouts went by with their wagon full of cookies I pretended to be an ordinary woman buying a box.  One of the scouts was very pudgy and so was the adult male who was helping them.  We all peeked out of our flesh and made the deal.  It was good for the Girl Scouts to count out the money.  We all had a satisfied feeling about our drug deal and I walked off happy with my Samoas in my purse.  Four dollars of bliss.  Crack Cocaine has nothing on Girl Scout Samoas.

       They are almost gone.  I ripped into them as soon as I got in the door and as the afternoon wore on I made several passes near the box.  Eventually I got down to about three cookies left and I began to feel bad.  Yuck.  They are 150 calories each and have 6 grams of fat and 11 grams of sugar not to mention the 60 mg of sodium. How could I have done this again just a few days after that other package of cookies?   What is wrong with me?  Do I need an intervention?   Is it just a chemical dependence on sugar or am I still eating my emotions? 

                                   

      Do these girls know they are posing on a box of some of the most addictive things in this universe?  I know there are people who can pass up these treats and just like any prohibition it doesn't work to outlaw them.  Somehow we have to develop moderation.   When I started noticing all the fat people in the world I was afraid.  How are we going to survive as a species?  I need to get a handle on this cookie addiction.  

     I wanted to ask the Girl Scouts and their dad if they allowed gay people into their organization.  I didn't.  I wonder what we are teaching our children? Is there a realtionship between sexual satisfaction and overeating?  Does restraint and moderation in all things work?  Maybe we have to know the depths to which we can go to find ourselves.  The cookies might be the key to my salvation.  They are showing me my weakness for sweet nothings.  I have always been susceptible to a smooth talker.

   When I was a Scout leader I had boxes of these horrible things in my garage.  It was so easy to go out there and put my money in the envelop and grab a box to devour.  I thought I was in cookie heaven but maybe it was cookie hell?  It is bad when I can't tell the difference. I hate it when something simple like a Girl Scout cookie turns on me.

          058

  I know the exact moment when my stuffed feeling lessened and I thought of heading into the kitchen again.  Crazy is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.  The marketplace is a brutal mean master.  If we give people what they want it will destroy them.   The system that developed Samoas is not evil, it is just trying to make a buck to promote values.   It is my journey to evaluate the dangers and know my triggers.  Some people can buy a box of these things and enjoy one or two a day.  

     The Girl Scout motto includes the words "Respect Myself and Others".  They need a special badge for successful cookie eating. 

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Great post! I know the urges well although mine are for thin mints. I was always good with cookies (sweets) until Mom moved in. For some reason, with age, she developed a sugar tapeworm which I do believe I contracted. ~r
I'm not a fan of Girl Scout cookies. Now if they were selling pies, there's *my* addiction. ~r
Insert thin mints and I could have written this. Maybe not as well, but the effect on the waistline is the same.
Isn't it interesting how everyone has their own special triggers. I passed on the Lemon Cookies because they had powdered sugar all over them. Picky Picky.
Sugar is a powerful drug, isn't it? The more sugar I eat, the more I crave, so I do try to keep it under control by keeping it out of the house...and avoiding Girl Scouts!

Lezlie
For all you Thin Mint lovers out there, Keebler Grasshopper Cookies are a decent substitute for when you get the urge.
I like mine straight from the freezer.
Fat, sugar and salt were rare, precious and necessary things to eat when we were wandering around in a natural state. We not only have no off switch for them, we have a built-in passion for them. Very difficult now that we have progressed to the point where we have unlimited quantities easily acquired.
The dont sell them here .. and i cannot eat them anyways as there is no gluten free. But I know the feeling when someone bring in a can.. yes a can of easter eggs.
They know what I am going to do to it.. but today has been a good day.. only one..
HUGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
You dare to diss the sacred Communion wafter that is the Girl Scout Cookie?! I love it! Wonderful and witty. Say after me, Zanelle: "It's not my fault." Sugar is highly addictive; it's what alcohol is converted into in the liver. It's why recovering alcoholics crave sweets and they have bowls of candy at AA meetings - terrible terrible idea. The next time you get a craving for sugar try some cheese or nuts instead. It's like throwing baking soda on a fire; it really works. Fabulous post.
This is gooood. Thank you.
Dear god, is it Girl Scout Cookie season already? Must. Find. Scout. Now!
It is so nice to come home after a long day in the field and see a load of comments by friends on one of the deepest things in my life. Thanks!!
I love the obsessive, round and round quality of this piece, Zanelle. Like the addiction itself. The way you drew in comments about society and humor are brilliant. I think this may be my favorite piece of yours I have read. Well done.
[r] YOU ARE SUCH A HOOT!!! I LOVE THIS:

"We all had a satisfied feeling about our drug deal and I walked off happy with my Samoas in my purse. Four dollars of bliss. Crack Cocaine has nothing on Girl Scout Samoas."

Yes, I know the big lie. Shopping and throwing in something insanely inappropriate for your meal planning, but I will only have one or two a day and that will be fine. Insanity is doing the same thing ... etc.

Jerry Seinfeld used to do a bit about morning guy and night guy. Morning guy had self-discipline and ambition. Night guy wanted instant gratification. Night guy kept screwing up morning's guy's life. Not going to bed on time, imbibing too much of many things. The harder morning guy worked to create an organized and healthy world, night guy was there to easily sabotage progress. Hah!

There's a great old movie called Fatso with Dom Deluise and Anne Bancroft and Ron Carey. Dom at one point locks up his food and gives Ron Carey the key and tells him not to give it to him no matter what. And then Dom goes nuts and chases Carey around the house seemingly intent on killing his brother if he doesn't give up the key. It made me roar that scene.

I relate to the cookie deal. I make a decision to abstain and then this other addict being takes over my being and all rules and resolve zapped. WTF?

And yes, we must eat for nourishment and not for "oblivion" as they say. And it is "Not what you are eating, but what is eating you." yadda yadda yadda and "One bite is too much and a million is not enuf." But it is tough, because with food you can't cut out, you can only cut down. The slippery slope is always there.

But, you know, I once heard someone talking about her overweight body and thanking it. She said she had heard somewhere that if her body and overeating hadn't helped stifle her stress she maybe would have had a psychotic break at one point in her life. Now her defense mechanism of course was dangerous to her. But it was an interesting take to push back on the shame and anger one feels about one's overweight body. Betrayed by it. She said she loved it for absorbing her so much of the pain she couldn't have borne.

Sorry to go on so long. A WONDERFUL read. This one deserves the cover!

best, libby
Thanks Emily and Libby. So much wisdom here. I do thank my overweight body for absorbing the stress that otherwise might have sent me off the deep end. yes yes.