OCTOBER 29, 2010 12:27PM

I'm Happy

Rate: 4 Flag

Cranky Cuss wrote a post that was on the cover this morning that really resonated with Open Salon readers: 

 http://open.salon.com/blog/cranky_cuss/2010/10/27/is_anybody_happy_anymore

One segment in particular caught my attention:  "But I was thoroughly shaken by the realization that my “unplugged” state was still one of morose pessimism.  Even worse, that state of mind was reflected in most of the people around me."  He describes the angst that we read about every day on Open Salon-- financial issues, health issues, relationship issues, etc.  

The thing is, though, Open Salon is not a representative sample.  Angst makes for better material.  Think about it-- the contented life tends to be uneventful.  Who wants to read about your commute to work, what you had for lunch, and how you fell asleep on the couch watching The Daily Show?  Plus, to write about happiness here, in this forum filled with people who are truly suffering, would be kinda asshole-y, wouldn't it?  ("I'm sorry to hear that you lost your job and your house and have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder.  That sucks.   ...Hey, have you read my post about how I just got promoted and refinanced my mortgage at 3.5%!?  I ROCK!!")

We tend to seek out like-minded people.  Bookworms join book clubs.  The Tea Partiers flocked together with stunning swiftness.  Depressives tend to hang out with other depressives.  It's reassuring-- look how many responses to Cranky Cuss's post said "It's nice to know I'm not alone"-- but it leads to a skewed view of reality.  

So, I'm gonna put some happy out there. 

My boyfriend lost his job two years ago, when the recession was in full swing.  Don't ever let anybody tell you the recession wasn't real-- it was genuinely horrible.  Luckily, I work in a field that is fairly recession-proof (knock on wood), so I was able to pick up a second job to help with the finances.  I literally drove to the interview, talked with the interviewers for 15 minutes, and got the job right then.  Hurray for me!  (That was kinda asshole-y, I know.  Sorry, but I was really impressed with myself.)  

I won't lie, though, working two jobs for the first time in 10 years SUCKED.  I was working 13-hour days, spending hours and hours in the car.  The only food I managed to get was fast food.  I gained 18 pounds.  I could feel myself sliding into depression.

Then, miracle of miracles, my boyfriend started to pick up some feelers for possible jobs.  He ended up getting three job offers in two weeks, and he was able to pick the position he wanted rather than just take whatever crap job he could find.  He's been working for a month now and he's enjoying it.  (Enjoying the paycheck too!)    And I'm back to just the one job, thank you very much.  I'm going to the gym and cooking healthy meals.  Life is good.

I have two other friends who were out of work for nearly two years, who recently found jobs.  One just got a promotion.  Things are picking up.

Cranky Cuss points out that there are deeper problems with the economy that will have to be addressed.  I *wholeheartedly* agree with that.  My hope is that things will improve enough that we'll be able to address those problems in a well-reasoned, thoughtful way, instead of having to just run around putting out whatever fires are flaring up at a particular moment.

Cranky Cuss et al, I know what depression is like.  I know how you tend to hang out (in person or on the interned) with other depressed people, partly because it's a natural thing to do, and partly because they at least understand you-- people who've never been clinically depressed just can't understand it.   But doing that can blind you to the larger reality.  Things are getting better.  They really are. 

 

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I'm not going to dispute what you said, but for the record, I'm generally pretty happy these days, especially since I've scaled back my life a little, and I don't hang out with depressives but usually with fun people. (Don't judge a person by one post. I have a pretty good sense of humor about things.) And yes, OS is far from a perfect cross-section of America. But the feeling of angst is widespread beyond these pages, and I've gotten feedback from several non-OS friends who are very unhappy with how their lives have turned in recent years. One of them is a former co-worker whose retirement fund collapsed several years ago when his employer went out of business, and now he's being relocated by his current company and he has no reasonable alternative. I'm sensing you're a fairly young person, so you have a lot of time ahead of you, but there are many people who have hit their 50s only to find their future pulled out from under them. Be careful about making comments that may be true from your own perspective, but don't necessarily apply to millions of others.
First - good to see you writing again! Second - I think you make some good points. Often, it seems that the best strategy is just to hang on, and try to dwell on the positive as much as possible. It's not always easy, but usually things do get better. In troubled times, it's nice to know we're not alone, but also important to remember that it's not all bad . . .
Cranky, thanks for your comment. I know, I probably harped on the depression thing a bit much-- sorry about that. And of course I'm aware that the angst exists beyond Open Salon-- as I mentioned, the recession hit me and my compadres too. However, I think your note to "Be careful about making comments that may be true from your own perspective, but don't necessarily apply to millions of others," applies to your post as well; not *everyone* is unhappy. The economy is getting better. Right now we see it as just a few people going back to work here and there, but it's not unrealistic to expect that to be the leading edge of a positive trend. Oh, and thanks for saying I seem young! I'm 41-- don't know how young that seems to you, but it's true that most days I feel about 27. :)
Owl, I love and adore you. It's so cool that you take the time to comment, and you always find something nice to say. :) I'm happy to have time to write again too! I tell ya, working two jobs really cuts into one's Open Salon time. (Plus, I was only able to check in on weekends, when it was clogged with spam and the editors never bother to update anything. Do they not have a weekend editor?)
Zella, I didn't imply that everyone is unhappy, but if I could only write things that were true about everyone, I'd have a lot of blank pages. Even in the best of times, some people are struggling; even in the worst of times, some people are well-off. My point was that I've never seen such widespread unhappiness in my lifetime (I'm 59), and I don't see that as an over-generalization based on a skewed perspective; polls show record amounts of pessimism about our future. That doesn't mean you can't find happiness in day-to-day things (our beautiful fall foliage is at its peak right now, and my family is delightful), but for a lot of the people in my age range that have been discarded by our economy, there is a sense of betrayal that is very evident.
I'm just glad to read your good news! Congratulations!
Cranky Cuss, I may have read your post a bit differently than you meant it. The title, especially ("Is Anybody Happy Anymore"), gave me the impression that you felt like just about everybody is unhappy. The body of the post, too, focused on how the unhappiness you see seems to be nearly universal. I'd imagine that, read in the context of your larger body of work, it might not come across quite the same way, but unfortunately I don't have as much time as I'd like to read Open Salon, so I'm not familiar with the other things you've written. I'll try to read up on you when I get the chance!
Hey Cartouche! Thanks so much! :)