ARTIST-AT-WAR MANIFESTO

by ELLE COMANDANTE

 

You are going to die.

It's happening right now, slowly your big ugly brainpan is emptying. Soon it'll be barren and boring.

BAM! You are to blame. It’s YOUR fault - each and every one of you – art in our world is dead.

 

And you counter, “Wait, it’s not dead! You’re just an asshole.”

 

You get hot when you’re mad don’t you. You’re pupils dilate, adrenaline jets through your veins and sweat drips from every pore. Yes! Become the animal you were born to be, please.

 

You whip out your custom engraved iShit and show me all the artist names you’ve collected, then your iShit-phone shits on my broken-cherry phone and shows off some secondhand clipart inspired album cover that your neighbor, friend, cousin, mother, hipster-sister or boyfriend clicked together in photoshop for their hipster-whatever shitty-ass scene-band - this isn’t proof of anything, dumbass. And it ain’t art.

 

Did you pay for any of that music? Have you seen any of those six thousand artists live? Oh I get it, you bought all your music on iShitunes. Good job shitbird. All your money went to a record label executive.  

 

And oh snap girlfriend, is that groovy hat from Urban Outfitters? Was that an IKEA futon you fucked on last weekend?

 

To which you retort, “What else am I suppose to do?”

 

Why spend you’re hard earned money on an original painting by some kid who failed art school? Why spend seven bucks on a live show two nights a week when you have work in the AM and a boss who doesn’t celebrate musical diversity? After all, you’re just gonna stick in the white ear buds, stop thinking and disengage from the world.

 

So now you’re dead you selfish asshole.

 

Unplug. Take you’re wife to a local show, get drunk and bend her over the way you did that first time you fucked in the bathroom at that dorm party. Do it now: Unplug, or die. Do you remember what a book is? Are you reading this online?

 

There once was a world where people actually knew one another and thrived because they maintained an open dialog with each, with themselves and with the natural world and in doing so ART blossomed.

 

In support of that same creative, adventurous and vital spirit I issue this list of my artist-at-war demands.

 

These demands will be met or I will personally extinguish every zombie out there. Starting with you.

 

All humanity is watching:

 

1) DRUGS: I demand the immediate and irreversible world decriminalization of all drugs and controlled substances. You can’t control us and we don’t need you too. And while you’re at it stop doping our water supply with your psychotropic poisons. What? You didn’t know that antibiotics, anti-convulsents, mood-stabilizers and sex-hormones have been found in the drinking water supplies of at least 41 million – 41,000,000 PEOPLE bathing in and drinking chemical filth. Wake up and read.

 

2) FLESH: There are some fucked up people and some fucked up places, I prevail upon the soldiers and policemen of the world and all people who remember what a hero is to hunt down and put to the death/execute every sexual predator or slaver you can find. If I had a bigger budget I’d keep a special unit fully funded just for this purpose. Wake up and read.

 

3) POLITICS: This should be a no brainer but whatever: Every one involved in politics for five years or more, no matter your level of government and worldwide, must quit their position. Free elections to follow. Your monarchies are well documented; you will no longer be tolerated. Expect the mercy of a winter soldier. Wake up and read.

 

4) FAIR TRADE: World economics are fucked. You all know what your shit is worth and you know what’s fair. Greed is where we are, lets move toward peace and prosperity. Big Boy’s: Stop taking advantage of everyone. Little Guy’s: Step up your game and be ready to compete. Quality in all things is vital. Foster your own excellence and all will profit. Wake up and read.

 

5) TRASH: You’ve turned my home into an American City Dump. I want my garden back. If you pollute or promote – in any way – environment abuse then you are a dead person walking. This is our home. How does that not resonate with you? Any lack of environment earth empathy isn’t natural. True and organic beings of this planet cannot harm her. On this rock we don’t bitch slap our mothers. All you aliens out there are on notice: It’s only a matter of time, fuckers. Wake up and read.

 

6) KNOWLEDGE: Why are you so afraid? Teach one another, share what you know and seek to learn more. Your hoarding of knowledge and information is a control tactic; you have weaponized illumination and demonized curiosity. Imaginations, small and fragile and beautiful in their promise have been crushed beneath the boot heel of your ignorance and small-minded fear. You are a coward; your power is nouveau-commercial and formulaic. Wake up and read.

 

7) TOM’s LAW: We hold these Truths to be self-evident, that all Men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness—-That to secure these Rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just Powers from the Consent of the Governed, that whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these Ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or abolish it, and to institute a new Government, laying its Foundation on such Principles, and organizing its Powers in such Form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. These are man’s wisest words and they belong to everyone and everything, everywhere. You are part of something, reach out. Wake up and read.

 

8) BOOMERANG: I’ll be back. I’ll be watching and I’ll be listening. My demands and my pressure on your skull will adjust itself according to your compliance. You have been a bad monkey and I will break every simian bone in your body until you learn. Look, its not hard – just conform. You know how to do it: Shut up and shut down. Do as you’re told bitch-sponge and you won’t get hurt.

 

ARMED & Militant,

 

ELLE COMANDANTE