3 weeks ago we went to visit my father-in-law as usual. When we got there he was drunk, abusive, and hyper-controlling. There was blood everywhere.

He ranted about people breaking into his place and drinking his vodka. There were strange serial-killer-type printed notes to the imaginary culpri… Read full post »

Forgiveness has been much on my mind lately.

  I want to learn to forgive in order to reduce the burden that I carry around. I tried to forgive my grandfather. I knew it would be in my own best interest. I tried getting angry. I walked through the pain.… Read full post »

Every spring the roses forgive my transgressions and neglect.

Not because I deserve forgiveness

But because the roses deserve it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 … Read full post »

I’m wandering through a fog. Spinning in inadvertent circles and  bumping up surprised into the same unknowable chunk of landscape.

 

Tears spring up unbidden and spill onto my throat as I drive to work. No words inhabit me, only a few visuals and a gut tightening stab of… Read full post »

I went into the garden during a break in the rain yesterday.

The light was slanting in sideways from under the storm clouds scudding across the sky, and the raindrops clinging to the leaves shivered tremulously in the breeze.

Swimming

Black Liriope… Read full post »

I am proud of some aspects of my relationship with food. I know that food does not equal love. I know I don't need to identify myself  so much with these things, but I wouldn't want to lose them all.

I introduced my daughter to many wonderful exotic quisines. She has… Read full post »

 

I had never been overweight before the nightmarish ordeal of choking down each spoonful, transfixed by the sight of livery lips slurping and  gnarled, age-spotted hands curled over the rim of the bowl. I was 9 years old. I didn’t want to eat; but as always, I didn’t have a… Read full post »

 

Day 6 of the fast and a few days ago my body woke up to the fact it has been a really long time since I've eaten solid food, especially since the illness added an extra 3 days of clear liquids to the front end.… Read full post »

Last Friday midnight I awoke from a sound sleep and raced down the hall. Two and a half hours later I found myself curled up on the floor, unable and unwilling to lift my head. ‘How ironic, I am going to die 3 days before I begin the fast to improve… Read full post »

I read an article about a woman who clears out everything in her refrigerator every January and starts fresh. Without even an exemption for condiments!

At first I almost panicked at the thought. I am ‘condiment girl’. That is my favorite aisle and I am always on the… Read full post »

I am about to begin a journey. At the end of this journey, I hope to find myself; but not in the sixties, cliche, I -need-to-find-myself sort of way. I have spent so much of my life hiding that I no longer know  who I am.

For example, after my… Read full post »

 

Pinned,

like a butterfly.

Affixed in place with thorax piercing pain.

Paralyzed and broken,

torn asunder,

while the warp and weft of the carved background

tattoos it's imprint on my heart.

Shivers of unrequited lust for air… Read full post »

 

Every year during our NYE ceremony we pull out our leatherbound blank book.

We write down the important events of the past year that we are grateful for

We list the things we are looking forward to in the year to come

We… Read full post »

I wrote this yesterday morning:

Staring into the abyss

 It starts with a sizzling silence, one octave above bacon frying.

A frisson of tension sparkling through taut stretched skin

Averted eyes wide,

neck bowed, shoulders hunched.… Read full post »

Time is strange while the fist or belt is flying. Shifting and sliding, it becomes a stretchy slippery swinging rope bridge.

Directly before and after are razor-sharp and painful.

 Reality gets stretched so tight that the distinctive twang of the… Read full post »

My phone  rang today while I was eating my lunch.

My friend died, unexpectedly.

Beaten to death by her boyfriend.

 

He boxed her ears, and her brain was bleeding,

but she went to work as usual.

 

She didn't tell anyone. She never… Read full post »

 

Spring Cleaning… two words that make my heart flutter with excitement and anticipation.They have the power to compel me to purchase a magazine, click a link, buy a book, or write a blog. I am always on the lookout for that pearl of knowledge that can kick… Read full post »

I died many times as a child. It was my goal to learn to let go gracefully.  I wished I could avoid the last minutes of panic and flailing, but I never got there.

How did I die? Mostly bathtub drowning, once a beating that went too far and… Read full post »

One of my favorite poems sings rhapsodically about the joys of flight. A version of this is recited in the last moments of BladeRunner and it always takes my breath away.

 High Flight

 Oh! I have slipped the surly bonds of Earth
And danced the skies on… Read full post »

The problem lies in not having a common language.

If I talk to you about the Christmas I got my first bike and flew through the foggy morning at first light like I was speeding through outer space, you might understand. But if I mention the Christmas I… Read full post »

1 cup fresh milk

Dash of cream

1 oz light Rum

1 oz Bourbon

Maple Syrup- I love to use grade B, the flavor is so intense

Freshly grated nutmeg

Ice or milk frozen into cubes

 

Combine everything but the nutmeg in… Read full post »

Well, I wouldn’t all it an unqualified success, but it was a hell of a good time.

 

 

I decided to try the Thanksgiving Makeover as recommended by America's Test Kitchen on the Friday after Thanksgiving. Every time I roast turkey I go through the…

Read full post »

Thursday we are doing the standard family Thanksgiving and I’ll bring a boysenberry pie, appetizer and pomegranate cranberry relish.

I picked up one of the deal of the century turkey and am cooking it ‘just because’ on Friday with the significant other and my best friend.  I… Read full post »