Today is the day...

Changing the soundtrack of my life


Cherokee, Buddhist, Lesbian, Mathematician, Artist, Mensa member IQ 158, Former Punk Rocker, Database Geek by trade, Grandmother.


Zul's Links

JANUARY 11, 2012 2:07PM

Butterfly tears




like a butterfly.

Affixed in place with thorax piercing pain.

Paralyzed and broken,

torn asunder,

while the warp and weft of the carved background

tattoos it's imprint on my heart.

Shivers of unrequited lust for airRead full post »


Every year during our NYE ceremony we pull out our leatherbound blank book.

We write down the important events of the past year that we are grateful for

We list the things we are looking forward to in the year to come

We… Read full post »

APRIL 9, 2011 10:14AM

In Darkness, Light

I wrote this yesterday morning:

Staring into the abyss

 It starts with a sizzling silence, one octave above bacon frying.

A frisson of tension sparkling through taut stretched skin

Averted eyes wide,

neck bowed, shoulders hunched.Read full post »

Time is strange while the fist or belt is flying. Shifting and sliding, it becomes a stretchy slippery swinging rope bridge.

Directly before and after are razor-sharp and painful.

 Reality gets stretched so tight that the distinctive twang of theRead full post »

APRIL 7, 2011 9:30PM

Death left me a voicemail

My phone  rang today while I was eating my lunch.

My friend died, unexpectedly.

Beaten to death by her boyfriend.


He boxed her ears, and her brain was bleeding,

but she went to work as usual.


She didn't tell anyone. She neverRead full post »

MARCH 17, 2011 9:46PM

One thing leads to another


Spring Cleaning… two words that make my heart flutter with excitement and anticipation.They have the power to compel me to purchase a magazine, click a link, buy a book, or write a blog. I am always on the lookout for that pearl of knowledge that can kickRead full post »

FEBRUARY 5, 2011 12:19PM

I died many times as a child

I died many times as a child. It was my goal to learn to let go gracefully.  I wished I could avoid the last minutes of panic and flailing, but I never got there.

How did I die? Mostly bathtub drowning, once a beating that went too far andRead full post »

JANUARY 16, 2011 1:54PM

Touching the face of god

One of my favorite poems sings rhapsodically about the joys of flight. A version of this is recited in the last moments of BladeRunner and it always takes my breath away.

 High Flight

 Oh! I have slipped the surly bonds of Earth
And danced the skies on
Read full post »

DECEMBER 15, 2010 12:30PM

My advent calendar of horror…

The problem lies in not having a common language.

If I talk to you about the Christmas I got my first bike and flew through the foggy morning at first light like I was speeding through outer space, you might understand. But if I mention the Christmas I… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
DECEMBER 8, 2010 12:19AM

Nawlins Sweet Milk Punch

1 cup fresh milk

Dash of cream

1 oz light Rum

1 oz Bourbon

Maple Syrup- I love to use grade B, the flavor is so intense

Freshly grated nutmeg

Ice or milk frozen into cubes


Combine everything but the nutmeg inRead full post »

NOVEMBER 28, 2010 9:39PM

Where there's smoke...

Well, I wouldn’t all it an unqualified success, but it was a hell of a good time.




I decided to try the Thanksgiving Makeover as recommended by America's Test Kitchen on the Friday after Thanksgiving. Every time I roast turkey I go through the…

Read full post »

Thursday we are doing the standard family Thanksgiving and I’ll bring a boysenberry pie, appetizer and pomegranate cranberry relish.

I picked up one of the deal of the century turkey and am cooking it ‘just because’ on Friday with the significant other and my best friend.  IRead full post »

If you could pull all of the anxiety out of the room with a special emotional vacuum, would you find pure happiness?

Or is the drive to alleviate anxiety a powerful force like gravity that is distinct from the centripetal force that pushes us toward happiness?

MaybeRead full post »

NOVEMBER 10, 2010 4:26PM

Conversations with Evil

My conversation with a Nazi

I met an original Nazi once and the scar still throbs. Even though he was a much older man, he was incredibly tall and seemed to be imbued with an almost supernatural strength. I won't say vigor, because there was just somethingRead full post »

NOVEMBER 10, 2010 3:02PM

16 ways to make my life better




-Using the right hair product to keep my hair from making animal puppet shapes during the day while I’m talking to people. I know I’ve missed when their gaze drifts upward and then they focus a concerned look on my eyes and ask’ Are youRead full post »

NOVEMBER 9, 2010 6:26PM

Blind with Pain.

The fog of Pain clouds my  perspective as if I had stared at the sun until its image imprinted on my retinas.

While it fills my vision it is impossible to remember or believe in a time before the pain was all encompassing.

It isRead full post »

all I got is a new fear of my inbox.

 When you look at me you see cinnamon colored skin, dark hair that falls into ringlets when left to its own devices and almond shaped brown eyes.

My family is white. My brother and sister's eyes are hazelRead full post »

OCTOBER 24, 2010 9:59PM

Did something catch your eye?

It’s like you just found out that your best friend 'Peanut Butter Cup' has a sexy older sister.

She is more voluptuous and worldly than the friend you sat on the swings with; more evil temptress than trustworthy friend.

That is what you'll find… Read full post »

OCTOBER 15, 2010 12:57PM

Heaven and Hell

Like Hungary, I have been buried in a sea of corrosive scarlet mud.

I don’t do anger.

That phrase echoes in my brain. Experience has taught me that anger ends in bloodshed, and I have learned control. Growing up, the only time this dam would burst was upon wakingRead full post »

1. Lingerie & pajamas. Bullshit. What do you really sleep in?

Boy shorts and a wife beater

2. What’s the one thing in your refrigerator you’re goddamned angry about if someone touches it?

The last of the ice cream.

3. What’s the one thing you do so well
Read full post »

SEPTEMBER 23, 2010 11:15AM

Cars: Where I've been and where I'm going

More than a means of traveling from one place to another, cars are a symbol of where you are in your life.   I found when looking back over the cars I have been in relationships with throughout my life that for some I have happy or neutral memories and for

Read full post »


I wept through my first wedding 33 years ago, and released monarch butterflies to Lakme’s flower duet at my last one 2 years ago.

I fell out of a trampoline into a piano and sprained my ankle so badly that no one noticed that I hadRead full post »

SEPTEMBER 21, 2010 12:39AM

Open Call 5 senses

After 28 hours of labor, both my daughter and granddaughter were in deep distress.  A gaggle of doctors  hovered around her shouting and jostling for position. The baby's heart rate had dropped to almost nothing and the emergency operating room was standing by. My d… Read full post »
SEPTEMBER 19, 2010 1:32PM

I'm so sorry

What am I sorry for? I have been apologizing all my life; It is too easy to trigger an avalanche of apology and regret.
I'm going to get them all out now and apologize one last time, hopefully once and for all.
I'm sorry I said that
     I'm sorry… Read full post »
SEPTEMBER 16, 2010 7:27PM


D was slouched in the armchair with his shoes kicked off and his feet tucked up cross-legged. An expectant and welcoming smile lit up his face. We had been in therapy together for 3 years and he clearly enjoyed our time together. I liked to make him laugh. It was undoubtedlyRead full post »