The problem lies in not having a common language.

If I talk to you about the Christmas I got my first bike and flew through the foggy morning at first light like I was speeding through outer space, you might understand. But if I mention the Christmas I… Read full post »

1 cup fresh milk

Dash of cream

1 oz light Rum

1 oz Bourbon

Maple Syrup- I love to use grade B, the flavor is so intense

Freshly grated nutmeg

Ice or milk frozen into cubes

Combine everything but the nutmeg in… Read full post »

Well, I wouldn’t all it an unqualified success, but it was a hell of a good time.

Read full post »

Thursday we are doing the standard family Thanksgiving and I’ll bring a boysenberry pie, appetizer and pomegranate cranberry relish.

I picked up one of the deal of the century turkey and am cooking it ‘just because’ on Friday with the significant other and my best friend.  I… Read full post »

If you could pull all of the anxiety out of the room with a special emotional vacuum, would you find pure happiness?

Or is the drive to alleviate anxiety a powerful force like gravity that is distinct from the centripetal force that pushes us toward happiness?

Maybe… Read full post »

I met an original Nazi once and the scar still throbs. Even though he was a much older man, he was incredibly tall and seemed to be imbued with an almost supernatural strength. I won't say vigor, because there was just something… Read full post »

-Blogging

-Meditating

-Using the right hair product to keep my hair from making animal puppet shapes during the day while I’m talking to people. I know I’ve missed when their gaze drifts upward and then they focus a concerned look on my eyes and ask’ Are you… Read full post »

The fog of Pain clouds my  perspective as if I had stared at the sun until its image imprinted on my retinas.

While it fills my vision it is impossible to remember or believe in a time before the pain was all encompassing.

It is… Read full post »

all I got is a new fear of my inbox.

 When you look at me you see cinnamon colored skin, dark hair that falls into ringlets when left to its own devices and almond shaped brown eyes.

My family is white. My brother and sister's eyes are hazel… Read full post »

It’s like you just found out that your best friend 'Peanut Butter Cup' has a sexy older sister.

She is more voluptuous and worldly than the friend you sat on the swings with; more evil temptress than trustworthy friend.

That is what you'll find… Read full post »

Like Hungary, I have been buried in a sea of corrosive scarlet mud.

I don’t do anger.

That phrase echoes in my brain. Experience has taught me that anger ends in bloodshed, and I have learned control. Growing up, the only time this dam would burst was upon waking… Read full post »

1. Lingerie & pajamas. Bullshit. What do you really sleep in?

Boy shorts and a wife beater

2. What’s the one thing in your refrigerator you’re goddamned angry about if someone touches it?

The last of the ice cream.


3. What’s the one thing you do so well… Read full post »

I wept through my first wedding 33 years ago, and released monarch butterflies to Lakme’s flower duet at my last one 2 years ago.

I fell out of a trampoline into a piano and sprained my ankle so badly that no one noticed that I had… Read full post »

D was slouched in the armchair with his shoes kicked off and his feet tucked up cross-legged. An expectant and welcoming smile lit up his face. We had been in therapy together for 3 years and he clearly enjoyed our time together. I liked to make him laugh. It was undoubtedly… Read full post »

I truly want to skip over to the part where I tell my therapist what happened encapsulated firmly in a single sentence or at least to the ride home in the dark scrubbing at my teeth with the back of my hand and memorizing the poem as I write it.… Read full post »

It feels wrong to commit these thoughts to words and letters on paper or screen. It seems wrong to fill those too tangible receptacles with evil.  I am adult enough to understand that you don’t really disappear when you squeeze your eyes shut against an unwelcome reality, but there is a… Read full post »

The sunlight was streaming through the bird of paradise outside my kitchen window this morning and the house was still and peaceful. The kittens were just waking up and the dog was doing her morning yoga. I felt so grateful and happy.  I couldn’t think of anything better than jum… Read full post »

The day I met him was a red letter day for me, in so many ways.

 I can still feel the rush .

 I was flushed with adrenaline and  endorphins from a brisk run in Golden Gate park. The ocean breeze ruffled my hair and… Read full post »

I glanced up and he was naked,

silhouetted against the window

crisply outlined by shafts of sunlight.

Arms akimbo, legs planted, he looked frighteningly, absurdly pleased with himself.

This was my first inkling.

I was surprised and confused,… Read full post »

Disconnected and drifting...time flows through and past with a muddy intensity that pushes me along all unwilling. The stinging pain of impacted tears cracks my face into cheerful rictus.  The salt of these un-cried tears transforms me into a pillar of salt.

Brittle, fragile, blind and… Read full post »