Today is the day...

Changing the soundtrack of my life


Cherokee, Buddhist, Lesbian, Mathematician, Artist, Mensa member IQ 158, Former Punk Rocker, Database Geek by trade, Grandmother.


Zul's Links


Sanctuary… a place of sacred safety and peace. 

 I’m not sure I have a place of sanctuary in my life…

 - Not church for god’s sake

- At home I spend my time making mental to do lists and snarling at myself about my many shortcomings. (I’ve gotRead full post »

JULY 4, 2010 10:52AM

The Last Straw

 Backed up against the closet door,

hooks heavy with  leather belts,

his frozen features iced over with silent tears,

and anger petrified in his eyes like hornets in amber.


Pushed past endurance,

the icy veneer of years of silence shattered.

And exploded. 


Squalling, louRead full post »

JULY 3, 2010 8:33AM

Are emotions real?

Today I put together some homemade Maraschino cherries, pickled fresh figs in red wine and balsamic vinegar, and cooked up some Brazilian candy and Argentinean salad for a friend's BBQ tomorrow.  I made a batch of pate with pancetta, shallots and brandy and a big pot of lentil soup.

IRead full post »

For me it is a tie between two.

I read The Exorcist as a young girl when it first came out. My sister and I were staying with my grandparents for a week while my parents were in Hawaii. I was strangely repulsed andRead full post »

JUNE 22, 2010 1:23AM

Memories of the bad old times

When you walk into the room on your last day on this earth and you know it, you have no fear. You feel like the cowboy in a spaghetti western kicking his way through the saloon doors. Liberated by the knowledge that you have no intention of waking up in theRead full post »

JUNE 12, 2010 10:30AM

It's just a lttle thing... right?

I woke up this morning and my first thought was "It's just a little thing , really". I know that, but the roots are so strong and run so deep. It's been a week and I can't talk or write about it. I can feel the blind heavy moths thumping aroundRead full post »

MAY 31, 2010 10:54AM

I was never a virgin

The possibility was annihilated before I  understood the meaning of the word.

  Years later, I looked down and realized that I was taller than I remembered, and my body was beginning to betray me. It was changing in ways that terrified and confounded me.  

 I launched a campaRead full post »

MAY 30, 2010 12:48AM

Taking flight

Last night, I felt like I was flying all night long.

  It was not like the frustrating flying dreams I had when I attempted to practice lucid dreaming. As a child I struggled to create a dream in which I was conscious of dreaming and all-powerful. Those luRead full post »

MAY 27, 2010 12:15AM

Famous last words

My last post included the last words that meant anything in a failed relationship. They may have continued talking after that, but it was the end of everything that mattered.

  Here are some other final words I have experienced:  

 It's your fault I told you those lRead full post »

We trudged up the path in darkness, mincing to avoid  unseen dangers. Shifting the weight of our blankets and wine from one shoulder to the next,  we cleared the trees at the top of the hill and gasped.  Surrounded by a velvet sky studded with stars, it was as if weRead full post »

When I was 16 I spent 6 weeks in Europe with a group of students that I had never met. I’d never been away from home among strangers before and I had no experience taking care of myself. I’d never purchased anything by myself, not even food at a grocery store,Read full post »

MAY 22, 2010 1:14PM

Bucket List

Bucket List from FrogTown Diva.  
 (X) Shot a gun – Yes.  The double aught buck flying out of the 12 gauge shotgun bruised the hell out of my shoulder and nearly knocked me off my feet. 
 (X) Gone on a blind date – Sigh, once. Read full post »
MAY 20, 2010 10:53PM

Swept Away



My father is still here but my mother is getting ready to sweep him out of her life. 

When she decides it's time for something to go, nothing can stand in her way.  If she is giving something away that she has no use for anymore, even if it has been/Read full post »

My banner is a slice of a painting I did 12 years ago when my father  had cancer(...the first time?) and was fighting for his life. I was subsumed by the conviction that if anyone should die, it should be me.

When I finished the painting I added a small black spot onto herRead full post »

At work early this morning I slid into my chair ready to start an urgent project before the emails and phone calls begin. Pulling on my headphones, I logged in and took a quick swing through my inbox.  My heart stuttered. I live in fear of these emails.

 Prepositionless, the entireRead full post »

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I watched Baraka this weekend for the first time and although my initial reaction was just “Wow”, it left me thinking through some of the connections that were made. I thought about different religions across the globe, how they differ/Read full post »

MAY 17, 2010 12:56AM

Pilgrims Open Call- 10 Questions

 1.   What is your favorite word? Mellifluous, Numinous

 2.   What is your least favorite word?  The phrase "I have been tasked with..." always seems to come right before an explanation of how some other person's task has now become my emergRead full post »

MAY 12, 2010 4:03PM

My life in shoes

I read a fascinating blog by Ann Nichols where she described the course of her life through the clothes she remembers wearing.

I think my life could more succinctly be described through my shoes.


I have the happiest memories of ridRead full post »

Crossing Delancey- Great music and plot that sweeps you off your feet. Includes a real-life Bubbe, romance, betrayal and transformation.  The first perfect moment: The music swells to an exuberant  "When your heart stops... pounding, pounding, pounding.... give me a call."

 Diva- ThiRead full post »
MAY 9, 2010 2:57PM

Sometimes Irony stings a bit

It's ironic the last words I posted were "I'm still perpendicular to the ground". Yesterday I was out with a friend in the middle of a 4 mile walk when  my ankle gave out on a gravel road.

I must have flailed enough on the way down to look likeRead full post »

Side A: A kaleidoscope of joyous moments.


We got the ball rolling by arranging the house cleaning and the bike tuning. I picked up a bunch of cleaning products on the way home, because of course we are going to clean before the cleaning service gets here.

We babysatRead full post »

We want to simplify our lives. We have so many items in our lives that are supposed to make our lives easier, but somehow they make it more complicated. We end up overwhelmed trying to manage the tools and the toys.


I propose a grand experiment to help us toRead full post »

I used to get up early to drive my daughter to daycare and then drive into a nearby city in an almost futile attempt to find parking near where I worked. I had to get there early because parking was very difficult and I had an 8 am Math class to attend before work. Read full post »

What emotion is this? My heart is heavy, squeezed and sharp. The corners of my eyes sting with uncried tears. The weight of my shoulders presses me into the earth. My throat is choked tight.

The part of me that understands emotions has left the building. I’m just a shell. TheRead full post »


 Less than once a decade I find myself...


 drifting through the store like an unwilling moth, drawn to a display of bedspreads.


 I look for white on white carved chenille, just like the one on my long dead grandfather’s bed.  I seem to shrink as I reac/Read full post »